A Life Worth Living: A Dragon Age Tale
by BostonVamp1
Summary: After Alistair's death, Alexa Cousland wished to follow. But the Maker had other plans for the Hero of Ferelden. Would she accept the challenge of a new life and new love or would she fall deeper into the dark abyss where only death and darkspawn awaited?
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Alexa Cousland woke from a restless sleep. Since defeating the Archdemon, she hadn't gotten a full night's rest. That must have been six months ago by now. Six months. Although she knew she hadn't been down here that long, time had a way of standing still in the Deep Roads. She looked over at her fellow companions; the Legion of the Dead. They were celebrating life as they always did right before venturing further into the Deep Roads to take on the darkspawn. They had been surprised when the Hero of Ferelden had asked to join their ranks and help them fight the endless swarms of darkspawn. But they gladly took her assistance. Alexa had been made an honorary Legionnaire, but being human, she could never truly be one of them. Although they tried to make her welcome, she kept to herself and camped away from them. She decided she never wanted to get close to anyone ever again.

She pulled her sword out of its scabbard and began to polish it. The sword was actually King Maric Theirin's legendary sword of dragonbone with glowing blue runes that cut through darkspawn as if they were butter. She had retrieved it from the ruins of Ostagar and had asked Alistair if he wanted it. He refused and said she should have it. He had taken Duncan's sword and dagger instead. He said those weapons meant more to him than a sword from a father he had never known.

Alistair. Her heart always twisted in pain when she thought of him. It should not have been him that struck the killing blow against the Archdemon; it should have been her. She constantly replayed those last days in her mind and was filled with heartbreak and regret. She should have accepted Morrigan's offer of the dark ritual; should have left Alistair at the gates of Denerim; should have done anything to stop him from killing the Archdemon. Ferelden had lost its King and she had lost the only man she had ever loved. She remembered arguing with him on top of Fort Drakon. Before she knew it, he had taken her in his arms, kissed her and then charged at the Archdemon. It seemed forever before the deed was done. After being knocked to the ground, she rose and ran towards Alistair's lifeless body and took him in her arms. Her cries of pain and sorrow were wrenching to those remaining. She refused to leave his body, her tears washing the grime from his handsome face. Her companions could do nothing to console her. It was Eamon Guerrin, the Arl of Redcliffe who came to her side, talking softly, gently. She finally allowed Alistair's body to be moved but only after Eamon agreed to arrange for an honor guard to take him to a private chamber in the castle. She insisted that she accompany him. In a few minutes, soldiers came to remove Alistair's body from the top of Fort Drakon with Alexa and Eamon in tow. Once Alistair was placed in his private chamber, Alexa kicked everyone out and locked the door. She stayed alone with Alistair for hours, not answering the occasional knocks on the door. Once she asked for a basin of water and a cloth so she could wash him. This she was given and then she locked the door. She gently took the wet cloth and cleaned his face, his hands, his body, crying until she had no more tears; begging his forgiveness for allowing him to die. It was her fault; it was all her fault.

She could hear the celebrations in the castle and in the streets at the ending of the Blight. It sounded odd to her ears. How could they celebrate? How could they be happy at the loss of their King? But she knew the people were not happy about that. They were thrilled to have the darkspawn defeated and Ferelden whole once again. But looking at the lifeless body of her friend, her lover, her betrothed, her King, she felt she would never be joyful again.

In the wee hours of the morning, the knocking came again. It was Eamon's voice calling to her, asking if she was okay. She wanted to respond of course she wasn't okay. Her life was over, but she couldn't get a word out. When she did not answer, he said someone wanted to see her. Unexpectedly she heard her brother Fergus' voice outside the door. She had been unaware that he had survived the war. He was asking to be let in. Alexa released Alistair's cold hand, placing her hand on the hilt of her dagger in case they tried to forcibly remove her from Alistair's side, then cautiously unlocked and opened the door. Only Fergus and Eamon were standing there.

"Little sister," Fergus said. "May I come in?"

Alexa stared at him, thinking. A moment had passed then she allowed him to enter. Once he was inside, she quickly closed and locked the door.

"Have you come to pay your respects?" she asked him.

"Yes and to see you," he replied quietly. "We are all worried about you." He saw her tear-stained face and her tired blue eyes. He also noted that she had not cleaned the blood and gore from her armor; only from her face and hands.

She retrieved a chair and placed it at Alistair's bedside next to her own. Fergus saw that Alexa had washed not only Alistair's body, but his armor as well. She had placed his hands to rest on his abdomen, his golden armor a stark contrast to his skin. Alexa took a seat and then grasped Alistair's hand in hers. She lovingly stroked the back of it, her eyes staring at his lifeless face.

"He looks very peaceful," Fergus said.

"Yes; yes he does."

"He made a great sacrifice for his people, as a King should do."

"I know. I keep trying to tell myself that, but at the moment I don't care. I want him here; alive; with me and I don't give a damn about Ferelden."

Fergus placed his arm around her. "Alexa, I know how you feel."

She turned to him, a stricken look on her face. "Oh, of course you do; Oren and Oriana. Fergus, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry for your loss. And I regret that I couldn't save them." She looked back at Alistair. "I can't save anyone," she said softly. "Father…Mother and Father…Oren and Oriana…Duncan…Alistair…I couldn't save any of them." Her tears began anew.

"Alexa, you have done so much good; you have saved so many."

"No one that I loved," she responded. To that Fergus had no answer.

"Come out of this room. Get some fresh air and a change of clothes."

She shook her head. "I can't leave him alone."

"We'll have two guards posted with him. Alistair will not be alone."

"We haven't been separated since we first met," she confessed. "I can't leave him now."

"Alistair wouldn't want you like this, Alexa. Come with me for a little while. We can return in a few hours."

Alexa thought about Fergus' words. Alistair wouldn't want her to be like this. "I do need to make arrangements to transport his body to Weisshaupt Fortress. He shall be laid to rest next to the other Grey Wardens that have made the same sacrifice in previous Blights."

"Yes," Fergus said.

"But I won't leave until the guards are posted," she stated adamantly.

"Agreed. Let me make the arrangements with Eamon," he promised. Fergus rose, unlocked the door and left the room. Alexa followed him, locking the door behind him, then returned to Alistair's side.

In fifteen minutes, Fergus knocked on the door. He had two guards with him. Alexa opened the door. Surprise registered on her features as she saw the guards. Zevran and Sten were standing behind Fergus. They both bowed their heads when she saw them.

"Will these guards do?" Fergus asked her.

She nodded and opened the door. Zevran and Sten each kissed her cheek which was an awkward display for Sten, but one he had agreed to do, walked over to Alistair's body and paid their respects, then took positions at the foot of the bed. Alexa felt better that friends were watching over Alistair instead of strangers. She smiled her thanks at them, then left with Fergus for a change of clothes and to arrange transportation of Alistair's body to Weisshaupt.

Alexa was given a room in the palace and she went there to bath, change and write the necessary letters for Alistair's funeral. The bath made her feel a little better, but when she started to put quill to paper her hand began to shake. Several times she stopped in mid-word because she could not continue writing, but then remembered how important these letters were. She finished them, each one stained with her tears. She sealed and stamped each with the Grey Warden emblem, then called for a courier to deliver them. She re-dressed in her Warden-Commander armor and was just about to return to Alistair when there was a knock on her door. She opened it and saw Anora standing there. That was the last person she wanted to see.

"My apologies for intruding upon you, but may I come in?" Anora asked.

Alexa stared at her, then opened the door for her to enter. Anora turned to Alexa. "My condolences at your loss," she began.

"Keep your condolences," Alexa said bitterly. "How long was it after you heard of his death that you took the throne, Your Majesty? I bet you couldn't wait. I assume you think this is some sort of poetic justice handed out by the Maker. The slayer of your father is slain himself."

Anora could not keep a small smile from her lips for that was exactly what she thought. She immediately made her face stoic, but not before Alexa saw her smirk.

"I know this is an inopportune moment, but I have been speaking with Eamon. We need to help bolster the morale of Fereldans and have decided to name you the Hero of Ferelden. We shall be having a ceremony in your honor shortly."

Alexa wanted to claw her eyes out. How could she even suggest such a thing now? "I will be taking Alistair…Alistair's body…to Weisshaupt Fortress…for his funeral. He shall be laid to rest there with the other Grey Wardens."

"No funeral ceremony here? Well, I suppose it is more appropriate that he be with the Grey Wardens. That was what he was, after all. So, I guess we shall have the ceremony when you return."

Anora was so smug. It took all of Alexa's will not to wring the woman's throat. "And if I don't want it?"

"You have no choice. As your Queen, I am ordering you to accept this honor and participate in the ceremony. Besides, you deserve it."

"I am no hero. Alistair is your hero. If you wish to bestow the title upon someone, it should be him."

"We need a living hero, not another dead Grey Warden," Anora said callously.

Alexa's eyes flashed, "I think you should leave, Your Majesty," she said quietly.

"Yes, you are right; many things to do as you probably know." She turned cold eyes towards Alexa. "No, I guess you wouldn't know the duties of a Queen. Safe travels, Grey Warden," she said then left.

She watched Anora leave. Hatred for her filled every fiber of her being. But she had more important things to do than be upset with Anora. Alexa returned to Alistair's side. She was determined not to leave him again until he was laid to rest.

The next day, Alistair's body was prepared to be taken to Weisshaupt Fortress with Alexa overseeing the preparations. The day after that he was ready to travel to Weisshaupt. A contingent of Ferelden soldiers, men and women who had been under her command, escorted Alistair to the funeral carriage. It was a black caisson that had been covered in black bunting. The four sides and the top were made of glass so that Alistair's body could be viewed as the funeral procession passed by. She mounted her horse and then positioned herself at Alistair's head. The soldiers were on either side of him. Arrangements had been made for the Grey Wardens of Orlais to meet up with the processional and escort Alistair to Weisshaupt. The palace gates opened and the entire procession slowly made its way through the streets of Denerim and on the long journey to Weisshaupt Fortress. There were many mourners lining the streets and this touched Alexa. There were still others along the highway as they traveled that had come out to pay their respects.

The journey was long and arduous, but they encountered no problems. True to her word, Alexa stayed at Alistair's side until he was entombed with the other Grey Wardens. She then made her way back to Denerim and participated in the ceremony naming her the Hero of Ferelden, but she moved as if in a dream. Nothing seemed real anymore. Once the ceremony was over, she resigned her position as the Commander of the Ferelden Army. Fergus persuaded her to return with him to Highever. She stayed with him for a few weeks, but she was haunted by the massacre of her family. Visions of death seemed to surround and suffocate her.

After she helped Fergus put Highever and Castle Cousland back in order, she told him she was leaving. She did not tell him where she was going, but her grief was overwhelming. She did not wish to live. She knew about the Calling that Grey Wardens experienced; when they knew the taint in their blood was overtaking their body and it was their time to die. She knew they went to the Deep Roads to take as many darkspawn down with them before passing from this realm. She did not wish to wait for her Calling, but went to Orzammar and offered her services to King Bhelen Aeducan. He accepted her offer and she went into the Deep Roads searching for her own death. She had encountered the Legion of the Dead and had asked to join their group, knowing their mission was similar to the Grey Warden's Calling. Having fought with her before, they agreed. She attacked all darkspawn hordes with the fervor of a zealot, charging into the most suicidal situations. But for some reason either her survival instincts or her extraordinary skills would kick in and she would live to fight another day. As she polished her blade she thought that today would be different. Today, she would fall. But she had been thinking that every day for weeks now and she was still alive; still breathing; still grieving.

They were finishing packing up camp and were about to move out when the unusual sight of a messenger appeared. The dwarf was nervous being there, but he was being paid handsomely for his services. He just hoped he would live to enjoy it. He saw Alexa and headed towards her.

"My Lady," he began in a gruff voice, "I have an urgent message from the Queen of Ferelden. Your services are needed back at Denerim. There is also a note from the former Arl of Redcliffe asking the same of you. I am to escort you back to Orzammar and then you are to head to the palace."

"Why would I wish to listen to anything the Queen of Ferelden has to say?" she asked flippantly.

"Apparently there is a darkspawn threat near Amaranthine and a Grey Warden is needed…a Ferelden Grey Warden."

Alexa let out a heavy sigh. She was still a Grey Warden and still had a duty to protect the citizens of Ferelden. She placed her blade in its scabbard and slung her pack over her shoulder. "Fine; lead the way." The dwarf quickly made his way back towards Orzammar. Alexa chuckled to herself as she watched the dwarf's hasty exit, then followed him. She was heading back to Denerim.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Alexa slowly made her way back to Denerim. She stopped to rest in Lothering and was happy to see the town being rebuilt. There were a few homes that had survived the Blight, but the town looked as Alexa had remembered it; refugee tents lining the square, the tavern and Chantry the only main buildings standing. She spent the night at Dante's Refuge before traveling towards Denerim. The last time she was heading in this direction she was leading an army to fight the Archdemon. How many times had she and her companions traveled this highway, she wondered. Today she traveled alone, her thoughts her only company; dark thoughts full of pain and regret.

Alexa finally reached Denerim and headed straight for the palace. She had no time to dawdle and wished to be seen immediately. Fortunately, the Queen had left instructions that the Grey Warden should be brought to her immediately upon her arrival as the matter to discuss was urgent. Alexa was taken directly to the Throne Room to meet with Anora and Eamon.

She entered the room and paused. During her most recent visit to the palace, she had been named the Hero of Ferelden and before that she persuaded the Landsmeet to name Alistair King and she was to be his Queen. Her steps faltered slightly as some of the best and worst events of her young life had occurred in this room. She looked forward and saw Anora on the throne awaiting her. Eamon was by her side. Alexa strode up to Anora and gave her the barest hint of a bow.

"I'm glad you received my summons and came quickly, Grey Warden," Anora said.

"I didn't come because of you. I came because Eamon requested it of me." Alexa turned to Eamon and gave him a more noticeable bow.

Anora frowned and squirmed in her chair. "You have been called to Denerim because Ferelden is in need of your aid. There has been an insurgent of darkspawn in the lands of Amaranthine. I need you to travel to Vigil's Keep and confer with the Grey Wardens from Orlais who have arrived there and deal with this threat."

"Why do you need me? The Orlesian Grey Wardens should be enough to handle any new darkspawn uprising."

"I need a Ferelden to lead them. You know of our history with Orlesian fighters. Even though they are Grey Wardens, the people are nervous. Therefore, I am naming you Warden Commander of Ferelden. Once this threat has been subdued, return to me and be rewarded for your efforts."

"I need no reward from you. I am a Grey Warden and it is my duty to fight darkspawn wherever the threat," Alexa spat.

"It is late. Tomorrow you shall travel to Vigil's Keep and meet with the Seneschal there named Varel. He will inform you of the latest news. You will be escorted to Vigil's Keep by a Grey Warden recruit named Mhairi. Keep me apprised of the situation. Good day, Grey Warden."

Alexa spun on her heels and left. She had just exited the Throne Room when Eamon came up behind her.

"Alexa, wait," he called to her. She turned. "Do you have a place to stay?"

"I just arrived Eamon and came straight here."

"You would be most welcomed at my home and I would be honored if you would be my guest this evening. And I think it would be nice for you to be among friends."

Alexa smiled. "Thank you, Eamon. I would like that."

"I have a few things to finish here, but I will send word ahead to expect your arrival." He paused then smiled, "It is good to see you again, Alexa."

She nodded, then exited the palace, climbed on her horse and rode towards the marketplace. Eamon stared after her. He was surprised when he first saw her enter the Throne Room. She had become so thin; her face hard. She was not the same girl Eamon remembered. He returned to his duties in the palace before heading home to speak privately with Alexa.

Alexa rode to Eamon's castle near the Denerim marketplace. She was expected. She stabled her horse then instead of entering the castle, began walking towards the market. Denerim was still being rebuilt, but the marketplace was buzzing with activity. There were people from every place and walk of life. She continued walking through the market and found herself at the Gnawed Noble Tavern. Alexa walked to the back room of the tavern and took a seat in the far corner, ordering a bottle of spirits. The waitress brought the bottle and glass to her. Alexa poured herself a drink and sat, staring at nothing. Every place in Denerim reminded her of Alistair. His imprint was everywhere. If she listened hard enough, she could hear his laugh; his voice. She threw back the drink. Not used to the strong brew, she coughed then poured another, drinking that as well. She wanted to become numb; thinking that was the only way to make her stay in Denerim bearable.

Alexa stared at the bottle in front of her. She began to think about her companions. After ending the Blight, they all scattered to the four winds, each of them pursuing a new life. Sten needed to return to his people; Wynn was to help Shale reverse Caridin's work and become a dwarf once more; Oghren had returned to Felsi for a fresh start and Morrigan had left long before the final battle. Her Mabari Diablo was back home with Fergus. Only Zevran and Leliana had offered to stay. Both of them were concerned for her well-being. She had convinced them to get on with their lives and as far as she knew they had. She had not seen them since being named a hero.

Alexa thought about Zevran and smiled. Perhaps she could convince the elf to speak with the Antivan Crows and persuade them to take another contract out on her. This time, she wouldn't fight so hard to live. But the Crows considered her an ally and she would never jeopardize Zevran's freedom from his former employer for her own selfish needs.

Alexa sighed. She should probably go to Eamon's home. She didn't want to seem ungrateful for his hospitality. She rose, threw coins down to cover her tab, then wandered over to the Guerrin Castle.

Alexa entered the castle and was immediately greeted by an elven servant who showed her to her room. It was the same room she had when she last visited. At that time, she, Eamon and Alistair were plotting strategy to have the Landsmeet declare Alistair King and defeat Loghain, Anora's father. She remembered posing the question of why not having Alistair and Anora marry to settle the issue of the heir to the throne. Alistair threw a fit at the suggestion and she had dropped it; however, he continued to make his displeasure known in private. He was flabbergasted that the thought had crossed her mind. She, he kept telling her, was the only woman for him.

Once Alexa was shown to her room, she was told that Eamon was in his study awaiting her. She thanked the servant who left her alone to collect her thoughts. She sat on the edge of the bed. The few drinks she had made her tipsy. It was not an unpleasant feeling. She contemplated what to say to Eamon; how open to be with him. Since Alistair's death, she had become withdrawn, keeping everything inside. She wasn't sure she was ready to share what she felt just yet. But Eamon had such a gentle way about him. His voice was always soothing and friendly. He just might be the first person to crack through the wall she had built around herself. Alexa rose and went to meet her host.

She entered the study. Eamon greeted her warmly and embraced her.

"My dear Alexa, it is good to see you."

"And you, Eamon," she replied.

"How are you?" he asked with some concern.

Alexa paused as she gauged her answer. "As well as expected, I suppose," she finally responded.

Eamon escorted her to a chair in front of the fireplace and took the seat opposite. "What were you doing in the Deep Roads?"

"Fighting darkspawn, as we Grey Wardens are wont to do," she replied with a smile. "How did you and Anora find me anyway?"

"We asked around. After Fergus said you had left Highever, I made several inquiries and eventually learned you were in the Deep Roads with the Legion of the Dead. I tell you, it took a pretty coin to get a messenger to you."

"I can imagine. But you know I only came because of your request. If it had been Anora alone…"

"I know and that is why I sent it. Ferelden is in such a fragile state. Any more darkspawn raids or threats would spell disaster for us."

"I don't understand. If the Grey Wardens of Orlais are there…"

"Anora was telling you the truth on that one. The locals are nervous with Orlesians at The Vigil, even if they are Grey Wardens. You have such a good reputation that having you in command will ease the fear of the populace."

'It seems I shall be returning to Vigil's Keep," she smiled.

"Returning?" Eamon asked curiously.

"The Vigil used to be the Howe family estate. My family would spend a few weeks in the summer there. I know Vigil's Keep as well as I know my own home. I haven't been back since…" she paused trying to think back on how long it had been, "since Nathaniel left. There just didn't seem to be a reason to visit with him…" she stopped. She hadn't thought about Nathaniel Howe for years. She wondered what he would think of her managing his old home. "Anyway, I shall leave for Vigil's Keep in the morning and see what is awaiting me there. But let us discuss pleasanter topics. How are Isolde, Connor and Teagan?"

"Isolde is here somewhere; most likely having the kitchen staff prepare us a light supper. Connor is at the Mages' Tower. I understand from First Enchanter Irving that he is doing well in his studies. We will be able to visit him in six months or so. Teagan has become the Arl of Redcliffe much to everyone's delight."

"Teagan is Arl? Then what about you Eamon?"

"Isolde couldn't bear being at Redcliffe after all of the…trouble. And I took a position at Court so I couldn't be here and be responsible for Redcliffe. So I abdicated my title to Teagan. He is doing quite well I understand and has the loyalty of the people."

"Teagan always seemed to have a level-head and a genuine affection for Redcliffe. But how is it that you have a position in Anora's Court, Eamon? After working against her at the Landsmeet, I can't believe you are one of her favorite people."

Eamon chuckled. "I'm not. But The Bannorn had doubts about Anora's rule without a Regent. Everyone knew she wasn't about to name anyone, least of all me. But Anora is a shrewd woman and offered me a Counselor position in her Court which satisfied the Bannorn. Of course, she has no problem putting me in my place and tries to make my role as small as possible. I don't mind. The well-being of Ferelden is what's important."

"Duty to country," Alexa remarked quietly. "I see now where he got it."

Eamon looked at her, concern on his face. He leaned in and took her hand in his. "Alexa," he began quietly, "how are you; truly?"

Alexa stared at the hand holding hers. She then gazed at Eamon and for the first time he saw the haunted look in her eyes that told him everything.

"I might be sitting here alive, Eamon, but I died on top of Fort Drakon that day," she said softly.

"He made a great sacrifice for his country," Eamon responded. It was the wrong response. Alexa withdrew her hand from his. A mask of iciness replaced her true emotions.

"Yes. Everyone keeps telling me that. I suppose I appear…ungrateful." Her tone was bitter.

"Alexa," Eamon began, trying to break through the wall she had erected, "Alistair wouldn't want you to be like this."

"No. He would want me to continue to be a Grey Warden and fight darkspawn; which is what I am doing," she replied matter-of-factly. Whatever moment Eamon may have had to reach Alexa's true emotions was gone. "I should get some rest before my journey tomorrow. I haven't…I haven't been sleeping well since the Blight ended, so I need to sleep when the mood is upon me. I get a couple of hours a night. Please let you servants know that if there is someone wandering through the halls of your castle tonight it is most likely me and not some prowler. I'd hate to startle or harm one of your servants or your family."

Alexa rose and walked towards the door. She paused in the doorway, then turned back towards Eamon. "He loved you. You were the only father he had ever known," she said gently.

Eamon stared into the fire. "I loved him like a son," he responded quietly.

Alexa walked back to Eamon's side and placed a hand on his shoulder. "He knew," she said. She leaned down and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you Eamon…for everything." She then left Eamon to seek her own solace in a lonely bed.

Eamon listened to her footsteps die away. He wiped a tear from his eye. Here he had wanted to console her, but she had consoled him even when he hadn't known he needed it. He smiled; Alexa Cousland was a remarkable woman.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Alexa managed a few hours sleep, but was awoken as usual by her dreams. She told people it was the darkspawn that haunted her and many nights that was true. But there were other nights, an increasing number of nights, where the most pleasant of dreams would awaken her. In those dreams Alistair was with her, by her side, lying with her. She could feel his lips on hers, his touch caress her skin, his breath in her ear calling her name. The memory was so strong as to arouse her body. She could feel Alistair making love to her. She would always awaken in a cold sweat, shivering, turning to the figure next to her that was never there. And then she would weep; sitting alone in bed mourning what would never be. Alexa would draw up her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself, rocking back and forth, her head bowed, trying to work through this grief that consumed her. She would allow her tears to flow unchecked and was always surprised that she still had any tears to weep; she had cried so much over the past six months. Then she would rise, dress and perform some activity, any activity, to try and take her mind off her dreams. This night had been no exception, but her dreams were more vivid; more real. Alexa lay in bed for a while and when it was nearly dawn she woke and dressed in her Warden-Commander armor. She didn't want to wander the castle and disturb those in it, so she quietly made her way to the castle entrance and out into the deserted streets of Denerim.

When Alexa left Eamon's she walked into the marketplace and looked around. All was silent. She looked over at the Chantry wondering if she would find solace there. She had never been much of a believer in the Maker and even less now. But there was always something soothing about listening to the Chanters recite the Chant of Light. Perhaps because it reminded her of being a young girl in Highever, the beloved daughter of Bryce and Eleanor Cousland and the comfort of family services every week. She would sit in between her parents and feel protected and loved. Alexa remembered always staring at her father during the service. Bryce was a handsome man with sparkling blue eyes and a commanding, but gentle voice. He was a good warrior and an excellent Teyrn. Alexa worshipped him. She would follow him everywhere and it was obvious that Bryce adored his only daughter. She showed an interest in being a warrior because of her father's stories about the rebellion against Orlais. He would regale her and Fergus for hours with his tales of riding with the legendary King Maric the Savior. Once she was able to hold a sword, Bryce taught her everything he knew. When he recognized her natural abilities, he hired professional soldiers to train his daughter in the proper art of combat; a training in which she excelled. Her sharp mind and quick reflexes foreshadowed the great warrior she was to become. Between her mother's teachings of gentility and grace, her father's lessons in being a noble and her training as a warrior, Alexa was an interesting, accomplished and formidable woman.

At the moment the Chantry was not where she wished to be. Her eyes roamed around and finally rested on the highest point in Denerim. She stared at it and felt herself being drawn to it. She knew where she had to go. With a will of their own, her legs began to move and she was walking in the direction of Fort Drakon.

It was unusual for the prison to have visitors at this hour. She approached the guards and wondered if she would have any trouble. One of them began to say something, but he recognized her armor and then her. He saluted and allowed her to pass without question. This same scenario was repeated several times until she found herself at the doors to the roof of the prison. One of the guards saw her pause. He came over and unlocked the door then left her be. She was oblivious to the young guard and could only think about what lay behind that door. Alexa broke into a sweat; her heart began beating rapidly. She hadn't been here since the day he died. Alexa swallowed hard and then pushed open the doors walking onto the roof of Fort Drakon.

She entered the rooftop and was taken aback by the silence. The only sound was her own footsteps and clinking of armor reverberating against the stone structure. Her memories of the place were of battle; swords clanking; men screaming; the roar of the Archdemon. She walked slowly around the roof. The traces of battle were evident. Scorch marks and chunks of missing stone marred the building. The floor still bore traces of blood; stained into the rock. The weather was slowly erasing its presence, but the pink color was a telltale sign of the battle that took place here. Alexa stood still, gazing around at the now peaceful environment; remembering every scene in the battle. She slowly turned her eyes towards the place where he had fallen. Her feet soon followed her gaze until she was standing at the spot where Alistair died. There was the large blood stain from the Archdemon and then the smaller one next to it. There were also burn marks from the destruction of the Archdemon's essence. Alexa kneeled down and caressed the stone where Alistair fell. She re-lived the emotions of that terrible day; the feeling of helplessness, sorrow, pain, grief, regret; and the tears began rolling down her cheeks.

"I love you, Alistair," she whispered.

"And I love you. Always," she heard him say.

She pulled her dagger from its sheath and placed it on the spot where he died. She then removed her breastplate and set it next to her. She stared at the dagger for a long time. It would be fitting for her to die here where he did. All she needed to do was pick up the dagger and plunge it into her chest; simple really. She had done such to other men many a time. But that was in battle. This was different. This was taking her own life. But what did her life matter now? All that she cared for was gone.

Alexa took the dagger in her hands and pressed the point against her breast over her heart. She felt the sharp tip against her skin; felt a small drop of blood trickle down her chest. She just needed to push harder; quickly and with force; and the deed would be done. It would be over. She put more pressure against the hilt, felt the metal dig deeper. One swift move and it would all be finished; the pain of living would be no more.

She sat in that position for an eternity. Finally, Alexa bowed her head and let the dagger fall from her hands; the sound of the dagger hitting the stone echoing eerily in the silence. She couldn't do it. Something made her stop.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I can't. Oh Alistair, I am so sorry." She felt as if she was betraying him by not taking her life and joining him. They had never discussed this scenario of one of them living without the other. They were determined to enjoy the present and not plan too much for the future. But she had always thought that she would be the one who would die. She had no idea how to face the next twenty years without him.

Alexa sighed, put on her breastplate and re-sheathed her dagger. The sun had just risen. Her escort to Vigil's Keep would be waiting for her. With a heavy heart, Alexa left Fort Drakon and returned to Eamon's home.

She arrived to find a relieved Eamon waiting outside for her. He looked a bit panic-stricken at her absence, but when he saw her he tried to arrange his face in a jovial smile. Alexa couldn't help but see the worry in his brow, though. Eamon took her to her waiting escort.

When they arrived in the main hall, the woman waiting for them snapped to attention. Alexa looked at her. She was young. Her pale blue eyes and cherub face gazed eagerly upon the world. She lit-up when she saw Alexa.

"Warden-Commander, it is indeed an honor to meet you," she began. "My name is Mhairi and I am looking forward to joining the Grey Wardens and fighting darkspawn at your side."

Alexa stared at her. She could tell by the tone of her voice that the woman was enamored with the Grey Wardens. She wanted to tell Mhairi to run; turn away from the Grey Wardens, there was nothing but grief and death with them. But she held her tongue and instead smiled at her, offering her hand in greeting.

"A pleasure to meet you Mhairi. Please call me Alexa. Let me gather my things and then we can be off. Eamon, would you come with me while I pack?"

"Of course," Eamon replied.

"I shall be waiting here for you, ma'am," Mhairi said, not yet comfortable calling Alexa by her given name.

Alexa and Eamon walked to her room. She gathered the few belongings she possessed. She then turned to Eamon.

"Thank you for your hospitality Eamon."

"You are quite welcome, my dear. Remember you are always welcome at my home." Eamon paused then asked, "By the way, where did you go? I was a bit worried you had left us."

Alexa smiled at his choice of words. "I went to Fort Drakon to try and put some demons to rest."

"I hope you were successful. Alexa, if there is anything you ever need, please don't hesitate to ask."

"I'll remember that, thank you. Take care of yourself, Eamon." She gave the older man a hug, then went to join Mhairi.

"I'm ready to go, Mhairi. Let us go to Vigil's Keep and see what our fellow Grey Wardens are up to," Alexa said.

"Yes, ma'am," Mhairi said brightly.

The two women exited Eamon's castle, mounted their waiting horses and began their journey towards Vigil's Keep.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

The journey towards the Vigil was uneventful. Alexa didn't say much, but there was no need. Mhairi kept the conversation going for both of them. Alexa learned that the young woman had an idealistic view of the world. She was enthralled with the tales of Kings and nobles; the idea of fighting the good fight. Mhairi had been betrothed to a trader when she turned sixteen, but did not look forward to such a life and enlisted in the army. She was deeply affected by King Cailan's death, Loghain's betrayal and the remarkable victory of Ferelden's remaining two Grey Wardens against the Blight that she felt she had to join the Grey Wardens when the call for volunteers was sounded. She was looking forward to a life of loyalty and devotion to Ferelden and the Grey Wardens. Alexa just let the young woman talk. Her reverent talk about becoming a Grey Warden reminded Alexa a little of Ser Gilmore.

He was a tall, handsome young man who was serving her father as a squire. If the world had been perfect, it would have been him that was recruited by Duncan into the Grey Wardens and not herself. But Arl Rendon Howe had other plans. He launched an attack on her family and all the occupants of Castle Cousland. Ser Gilmore stayed behind to give the Teyrn and his family time to escape. But it was not to be. Bryce Cousland had been mortally wounded and would die at Castle Cousland. His wife Eleanor would perish at his side. But not before they had pledged their daughter to the Grey Wardens. It was the sacrifice they made in order to save her life. Unlike Mhairi and Ser Gilmore, she didn't wish to become a Grey Warden. It was a duty thrust upon her; a duty that had become a heavy burden to bear. Ser Gilmore had died in service to her father; another death that weighed greatly on her conscious.

Alexa and Mhairi had pushed their horses to make it to Vigil's Keep in one day, so it was early evening when they finally arrived. Alexa was expecting some sort of welcome, but it was eerily quiet. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as they drew closer to the keep. They dismounted and tied their horses to a tree, making their approach on foot.

Suddenly a man came charging out of the Vigil with several darkspawn on his heels. Instinctly, Alexa pulled her blade and shield and attacked. Between the three of them, the few darkspawn went down quickly. She turned to the man and noticed he was carrying a Grey Warden shield.

"Are you hurt?" Alexa asked him.

"N…no," he replied. He looked at Alexa and immediately recognized her. "Maker, it's you…the Hero of Ferelden. My lady…" he began.

"We have no time for that," Alexa began. "What has happened here?"

"Darkspawn…they've overwhelmed the keep."

"Where are the rest of the Grey Wardens?"

"I thought there was a mage behind me. He may have been a Grey Warden. But I've mostly seen Vigil soldiers."

"Who are you?"

"J…James, ma'am," he responded.

"James, are there soldiers or Grey Wardens on patrol in the area?"

"There should be. I mean, yes, ma'am."

"Then see if you can go find a unit. Mhairi and I will continue into The Vigil."

"Yes, ma'am," James saluted, then ran off to find reinforcements. Alexa and Mhairi continued on foot towards Vigil's Keep.

Alexa and Mhairi battled their way towards the main gate that led into the Vigil itself. They met groups of shrieks, darkspawn and even an ogre as they fought their way in. In a few instances, they met either civilians or Vigil soldiers that were being overcome by groups of darkspawn. Alexa and Mhairi cut the groups down rather swiftly, saving a merchant and helping to retrieve medical supplies for soldiers wounded in the battle. They moved from the outer to the inner courtyard until they were able to enter the keep itself.

When Alexa and Mhairi entered the Vigil they found themselves within the first set of inner walls. They had yet to breach the interior of the fortress itself. With no imminent threat, they took a moment to catch their breath.

"How were the Grey Wardens caught off guard by the darkspawn?" Mhairi asked in bewilderment.

"Do you know how many Grey Wardens were assigned here?"

"There were about a dozen along with several units of soldiers."

"We should continue onto the main hall. Ready to kill some darkspawn?" Alexa asked her with a smile.

"Ready Commander," Mhairi replied with a grin.

They moved only a few steps forward when a group of shrieks took them by surprise. Reflexively, each pulled their blade and defended themselves before going on the attack. A few parries and thrusts later the shrieks lay dead. Seeing their way through the main gate blocked and the lever unreachable, Alexa and Mhairi ran up the stairs on their right, charging through the door, expecting another group of darkspawn. Both of them stopped short at the scene before them.

A mage was burning the last of a group of darkspawn to death, the flaming creature falling to the ground. The mage shook his hands as if trying to cool them down and turned towards Alexa and Mhairi. He looked surprised to see them standing there. He gazed back at the dead bodies on the floor. A few templars were among the deceased. He turned back and looked at Alexa.

"Ah, I didn't do it," the mage shrugged. "Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not broken up about them dying to be perfectly honest. Biff there made the funniest gurgle when he went down."

"And who are you supposed to be?" Alexa asked him.

The mage smiled. "You may call me Anders, my dear lady. I am a mage and, sadly, a wanted apostate."

"An apostate? At Vigil's Keep?" Mhairi responded with a bit of disgust.

Anders smiled and moved deliberately towards her. He obviously was used to such a response. "You weren't here when we arrived. I'm sure I would have remembered such a lovely young woman as yourself."

Mhairi blushed in spite of herself. Meanwhile, Alexa was sizing-up the mage; young, blonde with sharp features. His manner may be light and jovial but his eyes were anything but; constantly on the look-out for something or someone. His attitude could be considered either charming or smarmy. Alexa wasn't sure what to make of this mage.

"I really don't care what you were," Alexa remarked.

Anders looked away from Mhairi and at Alexa. His eyes twinkled in amusement at her words. With barely a glance, he looked her up and down, taking her all in.

"Pretty and pragmatic; a striking combination," he grinned. "Look, I could help you with the rest of these darkspawn…or you could just let me go," he suggested without missing a beat. "They'll send more templars to find me eventually. They always do."

Alexa gazed at the mage. She wasn't sure he could be trusted, but she also needed help in defeating any remaining darkspawn.

"Look, I can't make you any promises, but…" she began.

Anders smirked at her. "No, I don't expect you could, could you?" He gazed at her and made a decision. "Well, tell you what. I'll help you and we can discuss what comes later…later, once all these bastards are properly put down, yes?"

"Agreed. I'm Alexa and this is Mhairi."

"Ladies, a pleasure," Anders said, giving a sweeping bow.

"Stay behind us and try not to kill us when you're aiming at the darkspawn," Alexa said only partly in jest.

"But my dear lady, of course!" Anders replied. He watched Alexa and Mhairi move towards the door and smiled. He liked Alexa and would enjoy being with them, even if it was only temporarily.

The three of them made their way around the Vigil, fighting darkspawn and rescuing any civilians still in the keep. They finally made their way to the lever and opened the gates to the main part of the fortress. Groups of darkspawn were everywhere. They finally came to one area where someone was already in a fight. As Alexa entered she saw a dwarf swinging his battleaxe taking down many darkspawn in one fell swoop. She stopped as she recognized him. The dwarf turned when he heard them enter. He paused, smiled and waved at Alexa, then continued fighting. They had no time for pleasantries at the moment and Alexa joined the dwarf in finishing off the enemy. Once the room was secure, the dwarf turned to them and addressed Alexa.

"A-ha! There you are! When these darkspawn showed up I thought _just wait until the new commander gets here and you'll all be spitting teeth out of your arses! _Followed the screaming and sure enough here you are. Good on ya!"

Alexa stared at the dwarf in disbelief. "Oghren? You're here?"

Oghren smiled, "Doubting your eyes, huh? I get like that after the fifth bottle or so. Came here thinking I might try my hand at becoming a bona fide Grey Warden."

"He was here when I left," Mhairi said, a little disgusted. "I can't believe the Wardens didn't kick him out."

Oghren's gaze shifted over to Mhairi. His grin grew bigger. "Hey! If it isn't the recruit with the great rack!"

Mhairi looked over at Alexa, "Yes. A prize for the Wardens to be sure," she said referring to the dwarf.

Oghren took her comment in stride. "I know, I know, too good to be true, right?" He then turned his attention to Anders. "Hey, who's the mage? Boyfriend? Should I leave the two of you alone?" he asked Mhairi. The young woman blushed in spite of herself.

Anders looked at Oghren, obviously unimpressed. "Wow. A dwarf that smells like a brewery. You never see **that** anywhere."

Oghren stared at Anders. "Huh. A mage comedian. Thought they normally died young."

"Oghren, you know there are risks to joining the Grey Wardens, right?" Alexa asked. His request to become a Warden disturbed her.

"There are risks to getting up in the morning. I piss on risk," he said, dismissing her concern.

"I'm sure risk appreciates it," Anders replied.

Oghren looked at the mage. He wasn't sure whether he liked him or was going to kill him. He turned back to Alexa. "Well, we can talk about that later. Right now, there's more darkspawn around in sore need of a beheading!"

"Agreed," Alexa nodded. "We can discuss your Joining later."

The four of them moved through the rest of the keep's rooms until they came to a hallway where one soldier lay. He was obviously wounded. When they came closer, Mhairi recognized the man and ran towards him.

"Rowland?" she asked with concern.

"Mhairi?" the soldier said, barely able to speak.

Mhairi turned to Alexa. "Commander Rowland was a knight recruited from Denerim like me. We must do something for him!"

Alexa looked at Rowland. She had seen enough dying men to know she was gazing upon one now.

"He looks beyond healing magic," Anders noted softly. "Maybe a shot of whisky for the pain?"

"I like the way you think," Oghren replied inappropriately.

"Stop joking! This isn't funny!" Mhairi said. Alexa could hear the fear and desperation in her voice and her heart went out to the young woman.

"Oghren," Alexa said softly to the dwarf, reprimanding him for his outburst. The dwarf let out a disgusted noise and turned away.

"The…the Commander?" Rowland asked, his eyes barely focusing on Alexa. She approached the dying man and kneeled next to him.

"I'm here Rowland. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," she told him quietly.

Rowland tried to give her a smile of gratitude at her words, but the pain was too much. He needed to tell her what was happening before it was too late.

"We…only had…a moment's warning before they were on us, Commander." He winced in pain, but continued. "The seneschal ordered a…counter-attack but…they came out of nowhere! There's one with them…a darkspawn who talks…his magic is…powerful."

"A talking darkspawn? The lad must be delirious," Oghren said dismissively.

"There's something in my blood! It hurts!" Rowland whispered, his face twisting in pain. He inadvertently grabbed Alexa's hand. She grasped it, trying to comfort him. She knew he didn't have much time.

"Where is this talking darkspawn?" she asked softly but urgently.

"It went…that way," Rowland said, his eyes gazing towards the door to his left, "after the…sen..e..schal…"

Rowland gasped his last breath and died, his eyes rolling back into his head.

"Rowland? Rowland!" Mhairi cried, shaking him. Alexa turned to the young woman.

Alexa closed his eyes, then turned her attention towards Mhairi.

"He's gone," she said, placing her hands on Mhairi's shoulders, trying to pull the woman gently away. At first she resisted, but then allowed Alexa to help her stand.

"I will avenge you Rowland. I swear," Mhairi said with determination.

"Come. We must find the seneschal," Alexa told her. Mhairi nodded, then the four of them headed towards the door.

They found themselves on the roof the Vigil. They began walking around, weapons drawn. Suddenly they saw them; three darkspawn and the seneschal. He had a blade at his throat. As they approached they realized the darkspawn was talking very clearly, but they weren't close enough to understand. The seneschal saw them out of the corner of his eye.

"Commander…" the seneschal pleaded.

The darkspawn turned to face the group. It made a gruesome attempt at a smile. "Capture the Grey Warden. Kill the others." Its voice was stilting as if talking was unnatural. Alexa and her companions charged towards the enemy.

There were three darkspawn in total. Alexa ran towards the one that spoke, determined to take him down. He was the more powerful of the three. Rowland was right; his magic was potent. Her companions took down the other two darkspawn and between the four of them, the final one fell. Alexa then turned to the seneschal.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she walked towards him, sheathing her blade as she did so.

"I am yes. Thank you for your timely rescue. I am Varel, the Seneschal of Vigil's Keep," he said rising, then saluting and bowing. As he spoke, the sky opened up and a storm began.

"Let us continue this conversation indoors," Alexa suggested. Varel nodded and led them into the main hall of the keep.

As they walked towards the main hall, they passed several soldiers. Alexa gave the order to secure the Vigil as best as possible and to gather the dead in the courtyard where a funeral pyre could be lit. Varel added that any civilian survivors should be tended to as well. Once in the hall, Alexa asked what happened. Varel informed her that the darkspawn mounted a surprise attack on The Vigil. It appeared the Grey Wardens were the intended target as all of them, with the exception of one named Kristoff were either dead or missing. Kristoff had fortuitously traveled to Amaranthine to investigate a clue that might tell them more about the darkspawn attacks in the arling prior to the raid on Vigil's Keep.

"Commander," Varel began, "because of this we should commence with The Joining as soon as possible."

"Why so quickly?" Alexa asked.

"I know of only one Grey Warden currently assigned to Ferelden. That needs to be rectified before any serious investigation of the darkspawn attack can occur."

Alexa looked at her companions. She needed to speak with each of them before continuing with anything. "Give me a moment to speak with my comrades," she asked Varel.

"Of course, Commander," he responded.

Alexa turned to both Mhairi and Oghren. "Do the two of you still wish to become Grey Wardens?" she asked.

"Absolutely," Mhairi responded, determination in her voice.

"Sure, why not," Oghren replied. There was a bit of resignation in his tone.

Alexa bowed her head then looked at them. "I was not told this before my Joining, but I cannot in good conscious let you agree to this blindly. You need to know that once you become a Grey Warden you most likely will not be able to have any children."

"I already have a daughter. One child is enough," Oghren stated.

"I understand," Mhairi replied.

"Also, becoming a Grey Warden…is a death sentence. You will have thirty years to live…if you're lucky."

"Eh, thirty years sounds good to me," Oghren replied.

"It will be thirty years of service to a worthy and noble cause," Mhairi responded.

"You also…may not survive the Joining," Alexa revealed.

This gave them both pause, then Mhairi spoke. "There is no higher calling than becoming a Grey Warden. I would rather die trying than never even make the attempt."

"Well put," Oghren said. "I agree."

Alexa gazed at them. _There is no higher calling._ Her father said those exact words to her ages ago about the Grey Wardens when she inquired about possibly being recruited by Duncan. How naïve they all were back then.

"Very well. Let me speak with Anders and then we can begin."

Alexa turned to the mage. "You did well back there. Thank you for your help."

"I didn't feel right just leaving you at that moment with the darkspawn still a threat. But now that it has subsided for the moment, I guess we need to decide what's to become of me."

"If I let you walk away, where will you go?"

"I don't know," Anders shrugged. "Perhaps I'll leave Ferelden."

"Won't the templars continue chasing you?"

He let out a heavy sigh. "Most likely. They will take me back to the Circle and then I'll escape again."

"You know, you could join the Grey Wardens. The templars couldn't touch you then," Alexa suggested.

"They couldn't?" he asked.

"No."

"Well, there's an idea."

"Of course, becoming a Grey Warden is not without…sacrifices."

"Yes, I heard." Anders thought a moment. "Could you force me to join?"

"I could conscript you. I do have that power. And although Grey Wardens are desperately needed in Ferelden, I wouldn't do so."

He thought about it a few minutes. "Me? A Grey Warden?" he said softly and with a bit of surprise. The idea seemed to appeal to him. "Very well. You have a new recruit."

Alexa turned to Varel. "Prepare for The Joining."

"Yes, Commander," Varel said and went to make the preparations.

Twenty minutes later they all were gathered in the main hall. A fire had been lit in the fireplace providing the only light at the moment. It crackled as the recruits talked. They seemed to be in a good mood, but nervous. Varel brought the goblet over that would be used in The Joining. It was filled with darkspawn blood as well as a touch of the blood from an Archdemon and other magic. As the goblet was set on the table, the recruits fell silent. Varel then spoke.

"We say only a few words before drinking from the chalice. But they have been said at every Joining since the first. Commander," he said, turning the ceremony over to her.

Alexa just stood there, remembering her own Joining. It was Alistair who spoke the words she was about to say. She was the only one of three recruits who had survived her Joining. With a heavy heart, Alexa cleared her throat and solemnly spoke.

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten and that one day we shall join you."

Alexa took the chalice in her hands and approached Mhairi, handing her the goblet. "From this moment forward Mhairi, you are a Grey Warden."

Mhairi took the chalice. "I have waited for this moment," she replied eagerly and took a drink. She handed the cup back to Alexa. Immediately, the tainted blood overtook her body, choking her, poisoning her. She could not fight its deadly essence. Her body convulsed and then she fell to the floor, dead. Any frivolity that was left from the preparations was now gone.

"I am sorry, Mhairi," Alexa said. She turned to Oghren and Anders. Both of them looked horrified. She thought they might bolt and wondered if she had the strength to slay them as Duncan had slain Ser Jory during her Joining when he refused to partake of the blood.

"From this moment forward Oghren, you are a Grey Warden," Alexa said and handed him the chalice. He paused then took a drink. She saw the change overtake his body, but Oghren was strong and did not pass out like so many others. This seemed to give Anders a bit of courage and he faced Alexa with a weak smile.

"From this moment forward Anders, you are a Grey Warden," Alexa proclaimed and handed the goblet to him. He gazed into its crimson contents then took a drink. He gave the chalice back to Alexa and was immediately overcome by the tainted blood. His eyes turned milky and he fell to the ground. Varel moved towards him and examined him.

"He will live, Commander," Varel pronounced.

Once Anders recovered, Alexa gave him and Oghren their Grey Warden pendants and explained they were to remember their Joining and those that did not survive it. Varel then turned to her and declared they still had much to discuss. She still needed to meet with Captain Garevel and Mistress Woolsey. Alexa held up her hand.

"Varel, I need a few moments to process everything that has happened. Is there someplace where I can gather my thoughts and take a slight rest before continuing?"

"Of course, Commander, how thoughtless of me." He turned to one of the soldiers who were accompanying Mhairi's body to the funeral pyre. "Take the Commander to her chambers," Varel ordered. The soldier saluted and then asked Alexa to follow him. Oghren and Anders were to be shown to the barracks where the other Grey Wardens had lived.

Alexa followed the soldier and recognized she was being taken to the Howe family living quarters. They passed the former rooms of the Howe children before she was escorted into the master chamber. He opened the door and allowed her to enter.

"This was Arl Rendon Howe's room," she said.

"Yes, Commander, I believe it was. Is there a problem?"

Alexa stared at the solider. _Plenty_, she thought but kept it to herself. "No," she finally responded. "Tell the Seneschal I shall meet with him, the Captain and Mistress Woolsey in my rooms here in twenty minutes."

"Yes, Commander," the soldier saluted. He then left Alexa to her own thoughts.

Alexa watched the man leave then gazed about the room. The irony was staggering that she would be in charge of the former Howe estate. Wherever Rendon was, he must be spitting nails, she thought. Alexa removed her weapons and armor. A basin of water and a cloth were waiting for her. She washed her body with the lukewarm water then changed into something more casual but befitting her station as Commander. She then sat in a chair and closed her eyes trying to forget everything that had happened today. But she could not forget that wherever she went, death seemed to follow. It was just never her own. Her thoughts turned to Alistair and she imagined he was there at her side. She heard him call her name. _I'm proud of you darling, _he said with a smile. In moments, she had drifted off to sleep putting the day's events out of her mind and dreaming of her Grey Warden with the blonde hair and boyishly handsome face.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

A persistent knocking awoke Alexa from her sleep. She realized it was outside her own door. She opened her eyes, allowing her mind to remember where she was. She was at Vigil's Keep in the former Arl's chambers that were now her own. There were darkspawn to deal with and, from the little conversation she had with Varel, other problems plaguing The Vigil that needed to be resolved. Perhaps this was what she needed; activity to keep her mind and body busy so she wouldn't dwell on the past. The knocking came again, louder this time. Alexa sighed and rose.

"Come in," she called.

Varel opened the door and entered along with Captain Garevel and Mistress Woolsey. Garevel was the Captain of the Guards at Vigil's Keep and Woolsey had been sent by the First Warden from Weisshaupt Fortress. Alexa smiled as she remembered meeting the First Warden at Alistair's funeral. The man was an aged warrior and looked like a cross between Duncan and Eamon. He was a large, burly man that had seen many a battle. He had also been very kind and gentle with Alexa and had spoken a few words at the funeral about Alistair and the sacrifice he had made, as had the Grey Wardens before him. Privately he had consoled Alexa, telling her he understood her emotions and that she had every right to feel them. Losing a comrade, and one as close as Alistair had been to her, was difficult and she needed the time to grieve. The words and emotions behind the First Warden's condolences made Alexa think he had gone through a similar loss.

Varel introduced his companions and each of them told her of their own personal concerns. Garevel's primary concern was the darkspawn raids in the Arling and on The Vigil. They were still unsure how the Grey Wardens were so surprised by the attack. Alexa was also concerned about the new type of darkspawn that were now a threat. Talking darkspawn that didn't need an Archdemon to organize and attack was more dangerous to Ferelden than any Blight. Also, The Vigil's defenses needed to be re-fortified. Garevel suggested to speak with Voldrik Glavonak, a surface dwarf who is a master stonemason stationed at The Vigil. He also told Alexa to speak with Sergeant Maverlies who had information about the tunnels beneath The Vigil. Alexa nodded then turned her attention towards Mistress Woolsey.

"Commander," Mistress Woolsey greeted Alexa.

"Mistress Woolsey, what are your duties here at The Vigil and why has the First Warden sent you?"

"I have been sent to assist you in the administration of the Arling which includes dealing with economic and trade matters as well as managing the Arling's treasury."

"Not to sound ungrateful for your assistance, but why would the First Warden care about the Arling of Amaranthine?"

Mistress Woolsey smiled, "He doesn't. But he does care a great deal about the Grey Wardens and having a Grey Warden in such a prominent ruling position sets a new precedent. He wants you to succeed as that would show Grey Wardens are just as important when there isn't a Blight. He has high hopes and expectations for you in particular."

"Me? Why me?"

"You are the Hero of Ferelden. Your people take great pride in all you have accomplished. You epitomize everything good about being Fereldan. The more goodwill you build with your people, the better it is for the order. You and the order are held in high regard here; a significant change since the days of Commander Dryden as you are well aware. The First Warden does not want the Grey Wardens to lose Ferelden again. As you continue to succeed so do the Grey Wardens."

"I thought we Grey Wardens were apolitical," Alexa smiled.

"A noble goal, but impossible; everything is political."

"So I am learning," Alexa replied.

"The most important task for the Arling, from my point of view, is to get trade flowing again. We need merchants trading wares at The Vigil. Also, the caravans on the Pilgrim's Path are being attacked. Goods need to flow into Amaranthine or you will have a major economic crisis on your hands." She paused, "You know of the Pilgrim's Path?"

Alexa smiled, "Of course. I am a daughter of Highever. Amaranthine is not unknown to me. I have spent summers here as a young girl; in this very Keep in fact. The former Arl…was a family friend."

Mistress Woolsey shifted uncomfortably. "Of course; please forgive me."

"It is in the past. Rendon…paid for his crimes. I made sure of it." Alexa could not keep the hard and bitter tone from her voice. She then smiled. "Not that this isn't enough, but is there anything else I need to know?"

"You will need to address the nobles of the Arling. Being the Warden-Commander, you are the equivalent of our Arlessa. The Banns and vassals must pledge their fealty to you and you are responsible for their protection and well-being."

"I thought once becoming a Grey Warden, the lessons my father taught me about being a noble would be unneeded. But life is full of surprises. I shall deal with the nobles in time. If there is nothing else…"

"Oh, there is one more thing. There is a prisoner. We caught him stealing from The Vigil. It took four Grey Wardens to take him down. He even gave one of them a black eye. He's been held for the past three days. It falls to you to decide his fate."

"Four Grey Wardens? Impressive. Well, where to begin? I suppose I should dispense with this prisoner first; seems to be the easiest task. Give me a moment and then I shall visit with him and see what his story is. Varel and Garevel, continue to put The Vigil back in order. We also need to begin new recruitments for Grey Wardens. I shall leave that task to you Varel. If I see any potential recruits, I shall bring them back here. Otherwise that duty is in your capable hands."

"Very well Commander. If you need to speak with any of us, we will be in the administrative offices of The Vigil off the Main Hall." The three of them bowed and left.

Darkspawn, politics and economy; that seemed to be her world now. Fortunately she had been prepared to handle it all. And it seemed she would have help from those around her. Even so, Alexa still felt alone. She decided to throw herself into her duties and see if that could pull her from the darkness and despair she felt herself falling deeper and deeper into every day. Alexa saw that dawn was breaking; a new day at Vigil's Keep. She would deal with the prisoner first, then speak with Voldrik and Sergeant Maverlies to get The Vigil back on its feet. After that, she would determine her next steps. Alexa strapped on her sword and left her chambers to speak with the prisoner and decide his fate.

The man in the cell had another terrible night's sleep. The little straw he had been provided made a poor mattress on the cold stone floor. He had heard the battle outside his cell and wondered what was happening and how it would affect his fate. But during the fighting he was happy he was imprisoned and away from the fray. Now that it seemed the battle was over, he was getting fidgety. He wanted to know what was to become of him. This waiting was torturous.

Since it was the same guard who was watching him before the battle, he assumed that his captors had been victorious. There was no need for him to make-up a story and somehow lie his way to freedom. So all he could do was wait as a new day dawned at The Vigil.

Today, however, seemed to be his lucky, or unlucky, day depending on the outcome. He heard footsteps approach the door of the prison and saw it swing open allowing a shaft of morning light to break through the gloom and darkness of the place. The door closed and he tried to focus on the lone figure walking towards him. It walked into the light and stopped. He realized it was a woman gazing at him, but not just any woman. It was the one he had been after; the one he had been searching for when he arrived at The Vigil; the woman who had haunted him ever since he left Ferelden.

He stared at her and wondered if she would remember him. She had changed greatly since the last time they had met. She was thinner and had the assets of a woman and not the young girl he had left behind. Her eyes were still a pale blue, but they did not look upon the world in wonder as they had before. They had seen too much and it was reflected in them. But she was still beautiful. The years did not diminish that. If possible, her maturity had made her moreso. He waited for her to speak and when she did, there was no doubt that it was her.

Alexa walked to the place where the prisoner was being held. She opened the door to the small out building and saw one guard stationed inside. As she approached she realized this must be some type of solitary confinement as there was only the one lone prisoner. The prison was small and dark, the only outside light from a window high above in the cell. She walked with authority to gaze at the prisoner. As she came into the lamplight, she saw the man clearly. Her brow knitted in puzzlement as she thought the man's face looked familiar. Her face then became smooth as she recognized the man behind bars. Alexa turned to the guard.

"I'd like to speak to the prisoner alone."

"Alone, ma'am?" the guard asked with surprise. "But he may try something. You know it took four Grey Wardens to capture him."

Alexa smiled, "Yes, I'm well aware. If he tries to escape, kill him," she replied nonchalantly.

"Kill? Yes…yes ma'am." The guard bowed, then left Alexa alone with the prisoner.

Alexa waited until the guard had left then she gave the prisoner her full attention. She crossed her arms over her chest and smiled.

"Hello Nathaniel."

Nathaniel rose when she spoke. "Alexa Cousland. Fancy meeting you here."

"I'm just as surprised as anyone," Alexa confessed. "Stealing Nathaniel? That seems to be beneath you."

"How can you steal property that belongs to you?"

"I don't understand. Enlighten me."

"I came…I came back to The Vigil to reclaim some family heirlooms. I wanted some of my family's things since they are all dead. Surely you can understand that."

"Why didn't you just ask the Seneschal for them?"

"Oh, yes. I'm sure would have granted the wishes of a Howe."

"Is that the only reason you came back?"

Nathaniel dropped his gaze a moment before looking into Alexa's eyes. "No. I came back to avenge my father's murder; to assassinate his murderer."

Instead of being fearful, Alexa looked amused. "That would be me."

Her tone angered Nathaniel. "I know."

"Rendon gave me no choice. I would have rather had him brought to the seneschal in Denerim and placed on trial. It was not to be."

Nathaniel involuntarily let out a small chuckle, "I can believe that. But you had no right to kill him."

Alexa dropped her arms and approached his cell, grabbing the bars between her fingers. "I had every right to kill him. He massacred my family," she responded with anger.

Nathaniel approached her. "The Couslands were going to sell us out to the Orlesians," he replied with equal emotion.

"Who told you that? Your father?"

"No. I was never given the opportunity before he was murdered. I hadn't spoken to my father since I left."

"Then it was lies by your father's associates. Use the brain that the Maker gave you, Nathaniel. Do you actually believe my family, the Couslands, whose line predates the kingdom, who were among the first to support the rebellion against Orlais, would betray Ferelden? And to the Orlesians of all people?"

Nathaniel stared at Alexa. Her argument, much to his discomfort, made some sense.

"You knew my father, Nathaniel. I think you even admired him. Do you actually believe that Bryce Cousland, the Teyrn of Highever, who placed such a high value on duty would ever betray King and Country? Would my mother? Or Fergus? Or even me for that matter. Maker's Breath, I became the Hero of Ferelden for all the good it has done me. Do you think any of us would have betrayed Ferelden?"

In good conscious, Nathaniel could supply no answer.

Alexa sighed. "Anyway, it is my duty to decide your fate."

Nathaniel snorted. "Of course it is; the Couslands lording it over the Howes once again."

Alexa dropped her hands off the bars and backed away. "Is that what you truly think?" she asked in disbelief. "Is that what you think we had done? We offered our friendship; an alliance. I had even thought that you…"she paused, then shook her head. "It doesn't matter what I thought. If your attitude reflects that of your father's then…his actions make perfect sense now…and so do his words to me when we fought. He found an opportunity to strike against us and took it hoping to profit from his gamble. My father may not have always agreed with your father's ideas, but he always considered him a friend. I have to decide what is to become of you." Alexa turned to leave.

"Alexa, wait," Nathaniel called to her. She stopped but did not turn around. "Doesn't a condemned man get a chance to speak on his behalf?"

At this Alexa turned towards him. "You have done a great deal of talking, but speak then," she commanded.

"All I wanted were a few family mementos. That was all. Not much of a crime really. And if you let me go, I promise never to darken your doorstep again."

Alexa folded her arms across her chest. "What will you do, if I let you go?"

"I don't know. Find some work perhaps that is if a Howe can be hired. We're considered pariahs you know."

"What skills do you have?"

"I'm a scout; a tracker. I am skilled with daggers, traps and poisons. I'm sure some assassin or thieves guild would take me on."

"I'm sure you would make a wonderful Crow," she said in amusement. With that, Alexa turned to walk away. She opened the door and asked the guard to bring the seneschal. He did and in a few minutes, the guard, Varel and Alexa were standing in front of Nathaniel's cell.

"You've been in here quite a while Commander. I take it the prisoner has been talking?" Varel asked.

"This is no ordinary prisoner, but Nathaniel Howe, the eldest son of the late Arl Rendon Howe."

Varel snorted, "A Howe…it figures. Well Commander, what are your orders?"

"I invoke the Right of Conscription. Nathaniel shall join the Grey Wardens."

"Come again?" Varel said.

"What?" Nathaniel exclaimed simultaneously. "What makes you think I want to join the Grey Wardens?"

Alexa gazed at Nathaniel and smiled sweetly at him. "I am not giving you a choice. That is my decision. You are to become a Grey Warden."

"Why do I get the feeling this is still a punishment?" Nathaniel said.

"Misery loves company. Welcome to the Grey Wardens, Nathaniel. Varel, prepare for The Joining." With that Alexa walked away leaving both men shaking their heads in bewilderment.

"Come, ser," Varel said to Nathaniel, "we must make you a Grey Warden."

"This is either going to be the best or the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

"Only time will tell ser. Now into The Vigil for The Joining," Varel replied and escorted him into the Main Hall where Fate awaited Nathaniel Howe.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Alexa presided over Nathaniel's Joining and took some perverse pleasure in it. She said the words solemnly and gazed into his dark eyes. There was a mixture of hatred, defiance and something else as Nathaniel looked at her. He took the chalice and drank from it, passing out. Varel declared that he was strong and would live. Once he woke, Alexa told Anders and Oghren to take him back to the barracks while he recovered. She needed to speak with Captain Maverlies. They did as they were ordered and she went to see about the darkspawn threat still at The Vigil.

Captain Maverlies was a stern young woman who took her vow to Vigil's Keep and Amaranthine very seriously. When Alexa approached her, she delved straight into business telling Alexa that it appeared the darkspawn raid came from beneath The Vigil through tunnels that led to the Deep Roads. This was a great concern to Alexa. It also explained how the Wardens were caught off-guard by the attack. The captain indicated some rubble needed to be cleared before Alexa and her Grey Wardens could venture further beneath The Vigil. Alexa ordered the rubble to be removed and she was to be informed when the task was finished. Captain Maverlies assured her it would be done immediately and went about to organize some men to complete the order. Alexa then went to check on Nathaniel and the others.

She strode into the barracks and saw Nathaniel sitting on his bed with Anders and Oghren nearby. She looked at Anders.

"Is he fully recovered?" she asked.

"I'm right here, you know. You could speak directly to me," Nathaniel replied curtly.

Alexa turned and gazed at Nathaniel. "Are you fully recovered?"

"It appears so, yes," Nathaniel responded.

"Good. Because we're going to do what Grey Wardens are best at…killing darkspawn."

"Darkspawn? Where?" Anders asked.

"Here…in the bowels of The Vigil. Get ready and meet me in the Main Hall in five minutes." Once issuing her orders, Alexa left to await them in the hall.

Anders turned to Oghren, "Was she always this commanding and forceful?"

Oghren stared after Alexa. "She was always commanding; a leader, but her tone and manner have changed. The forcefulness is new. She used to deliver her orders with a smile, but maybe that's because her orders were usually directed at him."

"Him?" Anders asked.

Oghren looked at the mage. "Alistair…her betrothed…the future King of Ferelden. They were inseparable and he always took his orders from her and she always delivered them with a smile. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her smile since she arrived."

"Well, there hasn't been much to smile about has there," Anders replied. "Arriving to be the Warden-Commander and finding out there are no Wardens to command; dealing with the darkspawn threat within and without Vigil's Keep, plus I understand the economy of the region is in dire straits. She needs to solve that, too."

Oghren chuckled, "Believe me, she'll solve it. Alexa has a certain talent for solving other people's problems."

"What happened to Alistair? If I recall, I heard that Anora, King Cailan's widow, is Queen of Ferelden," Nathaniel asked as he stood and put the final touches on his armor and gear.

Oghren turned a solemn face towards Nathaniel. He had never seen the dwarf look so serious. "He slew the Archdemon and died, as had all the Grey Wardens before him. Alexa blames herself for his death."

"Why?"

"Apparently there was a way for her to stop it or that's what she said. There was something that she could have done so he wouldn't have died."

"What was that?" Anders asked.

"She never said. She doesn't speak about it. I had heard that was what she was saying while she held him in her arms right after the slaying. Of course, she could have been overcome with grief. There may be nothing to her words." There was a long silence before Oghren broke it. "Come on. The sooner we kill these darkspawn the faster we can open a few kegs and down an ale or two or twenty. With that skinny frame of yours, I'd like to see you down some drinks, Sparkle fingers," Oghren said with a laugh to Anders.

Anders smiled, "You know, mages can drink a lot and not get drunk. We have certain potions for that."

"Really? Well then, you just may be able to keep up with old Oghren," the dwarf laughed. He and Anders left the barracks to join Alexa. Nathaniel followed them, deep in thought about Oghren's insight into Alexa's current behavior.

Alexa was pacing in the hall waiting for her Grey Wardens. She didn't seem pleased that they had kept her waiting. Anders and Oghren seemed to be having a spirited conversation with Nathaniel quietly behind them.

"It's about time," Alexa snapped. "Follow me," she said and exited The Vigil. They crossed the courtyard and Captain Maverlies informed her that the rubble had been cleared. Alexa entered the doorway that led down into the basement. Her Grey Wardens followed. As they reached the basement, they found a Mabari lying in the middle of the floor. Alexa crossed to it and examined it. The Mabari appeared to have been in a fight recently, its fur matted and covered in blood in some spots, but the dog seemed to have no wounds. There was a note attached to its collar. Alexa took the note and read it. She turned to the others.

"There appears to be a note from someone named Adria. She and a few others are trapped in the basement."

"Adria?" Nathaniel said. "I know her. She worked for us. She was like a mother to me." He turned towards Alexa. "We have to help her; we have to save her!" he said urgently.

Alexa gave Nathaniel a wan smile, "We shall, Nathaniel. But I must warn you, if she has been down here since the darkspawn invasion and they came from here, then…well…it may be too late to save her." Her voice was calm and comforting.

"Are you saying we're not going to even try?" Nathaniel asked incredulously.

"No," Alexa responded shaking her head, "I am saying…don't get your hopes up. But we shall go forward and perhaps we shall be able to aid her. In the meantime, this Mabari should be taken back to The Vigil and treated." Alexa walked back to the entrance and called for Captain Maverlies. The Captain responded to her call.

"Captain, there is a wounded Mabari down here. Please have him taken into The Vigil and treated. I'd like to try and save him if we can."

Captain Maverlies nodded and called for two soldiers who came immediately. The three of them followed Alexa to where the Mabari lay. Alexa knelt next to the creature and rubbed its head. The dog responded to her touch and whimpered a bit.

"Go with these soldiers. They will take care of you and feed you. You have been a good dog to your mistress, but now you must allow us to take care of you," Alexa told the Mabari. The dog looked from her to the soldiers and back again. It gave another small whimper and then rose, allowing the soldiers to take him to The Vigil. Once they were gone, Alexa and her Grey Wardens continued into the bowels of The Vigil.

They crossed the threshold into the basement proper and were immediately attacked by a group of darkspawn. Alexa and her Wardens easily defeated the enemy. This scenario was repeated in every room underneath The Vigil. They finally came to the last room and stopped to see a group of humans at the far end. Nathaniel recognized Adria and pushed past Alexa into the room.

"Adria?" Nathaniel called out.

The woman heard her name and turned around. In horror, Nathaniel saw that she had been turned into a ghoul by the darkspawn. The rest of the humans with her were in the same condition.

"Adria, no!" Nathaniel responded. The woman lunged forward, attacking Nathaniel. He wasn't quick enough to ready his bow and Adria struck him, pushing him back. Alexa stepped in between them and lashed out at Adria landing a blow to the creature. This action gave Nathaniel enough time to regain his composure. He raised his bow and began to fire on Adria and her companions. Meanwhile, Oghren and Anders were battling their own enemies. In short order, the ghouls were killed and Alexa was able to see where the darkspawn had come from. Once it was safe, she called Captain Maverlies and The Vigil's master stonemason, a dwarf named Voldrik Glavonak to inspect the area. Alexa returned and saw Nathaniel gazing down at Adria's lifeless body.

"Nathaniel," she began. He looked up at her and she saw the anger in his face. Without say a word, Nathaniel stormed off leaving Alexa staring after him. Anders was about to follow, but Alexa stopped him.

"No; let him go. He needs to be alone for a few moments. In the meantime, I need you and Oghren to burn these darkspawn corpses."

Anders groaned. "Can't the soldiers do it?"

"No because the darkspawn are tainted and you, as a Grey Warden, are immune to the taint. I can't afford the soldiers to become tainted and die. I don't care if you cast fireball on them to burn them, just do as you're commanded. Is that clear?" Alexa's tone was brisk and Anders knew she would take no opposition.

"Yes, Commander," Anders responded glumly. "Come on Oghren, let's get to work."

Alexa turned her attention to the dwarf who confirmed her suspicions that the basement led into the Deep Roads. An explosion during the earlier fighting had collapsed the entrance to the Deep Roads. Voldrik said he and his men would begin to remove the rubble and then they could discuss the next steps to closing off the Deep Roads to The Vigil so no more darkspawn could launch a surprise attack. Alexa agreed to the plan and was about to leave when Voldrik approached her.

"Ah, Commander, we should talk about the state of Vigil's Keep," Voldrik began.

"What about it?"

"It was pretty badly damaged during the darkspawn attack. Plus it has been in a state of disrepair for a long time now. You really should consider having the place fortified."

"Then I give you leave to fortify it," she responded and turned to leave.

"Commander, I will need coin and supplies to rebuild this place to something close to dwarven…my…standards," he replied.

Alexa crossed her arms over her chest. "How much coin and what supplies?"

"I need the best granite you can find and at least 80 sovereigns to begin hiring men and performing the work."

"I'll get both for you. Until then, however, work on clearing this rubble. Send word to me when it is done and I shall return to The Vigil for the next phase of the work."

"Return to The Vigil? Where are you going?"

"I have a countryside to patrol and then I need to head to Amaranthine. I must find my missing Grey Warden. He may be able to provide some insight to the events prior to the darkspawn attack."

"Safe journey, Commander. I'll send word when we're ready for you."

Alexa nodded then returned to the main floor of The Vigil. As she passed through the basement, she could hear Anders and Oghren arguing and trading barbs as they carried out her orders. Their banter made her smile. On her way out, she made a detour to one of the sub-basement rooms where an object had caught her eye; a bow. She retrieved it and noted the Howe family crest upon it. Perhaps Nathaniel would like this family heirloom. She made her way back to the Main Hall and towards the barracks to check on Nathaniel.

She found him sitting on his bed, the Mabari they rescued lying beside him. Nathaniel was absently petting the dog's back. As Alexa entered, the Mabari raised his head, but then settled back down knowing that she posed no threat. Alexa pulled-up a chair and sat in front of Nathaniel.

"It seems the Mabari has taken to you," Alexa commented.

"He knows me. He was Adria's but now I guess he's mine."

"It appears that way. Nathaniel, about Adria…"

"I don't want to talk about it. You were right. You told me she couldn't be saved. But I thought…I hoped…you would be wrong. But I should remember, a Cousland is never wrong," he said bitterly.

Alexa let the comment pass. He was upset about Adria. "I am sorry Nathaniel," she replied. Her tone was soft and gentle and he heard the sorrow in her voice.

"As long as we are talking about death, do you know what happened to the rest of my family?" he asked.

"Your mother and brother are dead; casualties from the war."

Nathaniel scowled. "I assumed as much. And my sister Delilah?"

"Living in Amaranthine, I believe. I thought I heard that she had gotten married."

At the news, Nathaniel raised his head and gazed at Alexa, hope in his face. "She's alive?"

"The last I knew, yes."

Nathaniel digested this piece of information. "I need to go to Amaranthine and see her."

"We'll be traveling to Amaranthine shortly. Once our business there is concluded, you can visit with her for a brief time."

Nathaniel snorted, "Do you think I will run away and not return? Is that why I cannot go to Amaranthine now? On my own?"

"I happen to need you, Nathaniel."

His gaze softened a little. "You need me?" he asked. There was more to the question than the obvious.

Alexa stared at him. There was that underlying emotion again. The same one she saw in his eyes during his Joining. Behind the anger; behind the defiance; something more; something raw and it made her stomach flutter. "I need all my Grey Wardens," she responded, her voice faltering slightly. Nathaniel didn't hear it and she saw the curtain come down over that other emotion.

"Is that all you see me as? A Grey Warden?"

"Is that all you see me as?" she responded.

Nathaniel paused. "No. I see you as my father's murderer," he replied bitterly.

Alexa looked to the floor and grimaced, then rose. "Well, this was enlightening. We must do it again sometime." She put the chair away and was about to leave when Nathaniel noticed the bow in her hand.

"What's in your hand?" he asked.

She looked down and then back to him. "I nearly forgot. I believe this bow is yours," she said and handed it to Nathaniel. "I see the Howe family crest upon it."

Nathaniel studied the weapon and recognized it immediately. "This was my grandfather's bow. It was to be mine when I came of age, but my father…my father took it away. I thought he had destroyed it."

"It looks like it just needs to be restrung, but it seems fine otherwise."

"Thank you, Alexa," he replied. There was genuine warmth in his voice.

She smiled at him. "You're very welcome. Once Anders and Oghren finish their task, we will head out." She walked to the door, then turned back. "By the way, does the Mabari have a name?"

"Aegis," Nathaniel responded.

"Very appropriate," she replied and left.

Nathaniel watched Alexa walk away. He regretted his smart-ass comment about her being his father's murderer as soon as he said it. But his ego and pride was slightly hurt that she saw him as just another Grey Warden. But that's what he was to her, wasn't it? Whatever spark had been between them before he left for the Free Marches was gone now or was it? His emotions were mixed and confused when it came to Alexa. He still considered her the most beautiful woman he had ever known, as well as smart and talented. But killing his father, well, that was something a bit harder to overcome. And now taking orders from her; a Howe subservient to a Cousland; as it had always been; as it continued to be. As far as he was concerned they were still in the same station; she a nobleman's daughter and he a nobleman's son. But that was no longer true and the sooner he understood that, the better it would be for him. He sighed. At least his sister was alive and he would be seeing her very soon. Nathaniel rose and began to restring his bow and put together his pack so he would be ready when Alexa called. He was now a Grey Warden and he would bring honor back to the Howe name by performing his duties perfectly. Nothing, not even his feelings for Alexa would stop him from fulfilling that task. He would show her; he would show everyone and the name of Howe would be respected once again.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Alexa left Nathaniel and barked an order to a passing guardsman telling him to have three horses ready for the Grey Wardens, including provisions in the saddlebags. The soldier responded with a crisp "yes ma'am" and salute then rushed to fulfill his duty. Alexa strode off to her room to put on her armor. She had not worn it when fighting the darkspawn beneath the keep. She had hoped one of their blades would land a fatal blow, but again it was not to be. She strapped on her Warden-Commander armor and repositioned the blade and scabbard across her back. She then took a bag and loaded it with potions and salves and secured it around her waist. Alexa tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but her mind wandered to the conversation she just had with Nathaniel. She plopped into a chair. Damn if that man didn't push her buttons! She could be sympathetic to his plight one moment and infuriated with him the next. There were moments when she felt as if the years between them hadn't passed and she was Bryce's daughter and he was Rendon's son; both of them young and carefree. And then the reality of their situation would hit her like a stone wall. She could ignore Nathaniel if he wasn't so handsome and stirred old feelings within her. Alexa shook her head. That was disloyal to Alistair. She loved him. She could never, would never, love again. Alistair was the true love of her life.

Alexa rose and passed the barracks. She saw Anders and Oghren and poked her head in.

"We're getting ready to travel to Amaranthine. We have a couple of stops to make before we get there, so quickly prepare yourselves for the journey. The horses are outside waiting for us."

They both nodded and she made her way to the courtyard. Outside, she saw Nathaniel waiting by the horses. She ignored him and turned to see two old acquaintances from Denerim. She smiled when she saw them.

"Herren, Wade," she greeted them as she approached.

"Warden-Commander! It is good to see you," Herren replied. "Wade, it's the Warden-Commander. One of our best customers."

"I miss my shop," Wade whined. "It's so cold here."

Herren chuckled nervously. "What Wade means is that it is an honor to serve the Grey Wardens."

"Is that why you're here?" Alexa asked dubiously.

"But of course!" Herren reassured her.

"And the money the Crown paid us had nothing to do with it," Wade remarked.

"Shhh," Herren said to Wade. "What can we do for you?"

"I need new weapons and armor for my soldiers and any new Grey Warden recruits."

"Is that what I have been reduced to? Making ordinary armor for ordinary people?" Wade lamented. "Oh, the indignity! Especially with the quality of materials I have to work with!"

"Ah, I'm afraid Wade is right about the materials. We will need high quality ore to make the finest weapons and armor for your men," Herren remarked.

"Speak with Varel about any materials that are available to you here in the keep. I'll look to purchase or find appropriate ore for you. I need my men to have the best armor and weapons available. That is why I need the superior talents of a Master Crafter like Master Wade."

At such praise, Wade puffed up and finally acknowledged Alexa's presence. "I always said you were a smart woman. Find me the best materials and I shall craft armor and weapons that are unmatched outside of Orzammar!"

Alexa saw Anders and Oghren exit the keep. She said her farewells to Herren and Wade, then joined the rest of her comrades.

"Ready?" Alexa asked them as she approached the waiting horses.

Oghren looked at the horses then back to her. "And just how am I supposed to ride one of those?"

"Well, you'll see there are only three of them," she remarked.

"Hey!" he replied as he realized she was right. "What's going on? Are you leaving me behind?"

"On the contrary, you'll be doubling with Anders."

"What?" Anders replied. "Are you kidding?"

"Unless you all wish to walk to Amaranthine. Get into the saddle then help Oghren up."

"Being a Grey Warden isn't worth this," Anders muttered.

Alexa heard him and smiled. "I have that same feeling every day. Now saddle-up. We have a farm hold to visit, a daughter to rescue and then a Grey Warden to find." She climbed into the saddle and once everyone was ready, she put her horse into a cantor. The others followed.

The first place they visited was the farm hold of Mistress Turnoble. When they arrived, Alexa saw smoke rising from the fields and a small horde of darkspawn including emissaries and an ogre. Instead of issuing any tactics or commands to her colleagues, Alexa rode to the edge of the field, jumped from her horse and charged into the waiting darkspawn horde. Nathaniel, Anders and Oghren watched Alexa's actions with surprise then climbed off their horses and joined her. She had let out a battle cry as she ran towards the enemy, thus making her presence known. The darkspawn turned on her while the ogre took aim to ram her with its horns. She unsheathed her blade as she ran and cut the enemy down. She dodged the ogre at the last moment and then turned to swing at him. Meanwhile, Oghren had joined her in hand-to-hand combat while Anders took aim with a fireball and Nathaniel made deadly shots with his bow. The fight was over in a matter of minutes. Alexa checked on the well-being of the family and saw they were all dead, along with a visiting templar. She told the others to help her recover the bodies, placing the family in one pile and the darkspawn in another, then asked Anders to burn them. He did as commanded. Alexa returned to her horse and was about to mount it when Nathaniel came up behind her. He grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.

"What in the hells was that?" he asked.

"That was a horde of darkspawn," she replied flippantly.

"No. What was that charge of yours?"

"I thought I would get the attention of the enemy while the rest of you set-up position to back me. It obviously worked."

"That wasn't to get their attention. You had another purpose."

"And that was?" she challenged him.

He looked into her eyes and saw defiance there…and pain. The haunted and pained look in her eyes made Nathaniel blink and take a step back. He had not expected to see those emotions within Alexa Cousland.

"Nothing," he finally replied quietly. He saw a veil draw over her emotions and then she smiled at him.

"You did well, Nathaniel. You are deadly with that bow. I am glad you are on our side."

"Thank you," he responded, confused at her changed demeanor.

"We need to turn towards Amaranthine but first we must go to Forlorn Cove on the coast and save Ser Edgar Bensley's daughter Eileen. She is being ransomed by bandits and has asked me to deliver the ransom."

"Are you going to give it to the kidnappers?" Nathaniel asked.

Alexa smiled. "What do you think?" she replied and climbed onto her horse.

Nathaniel returned her smile and returned to his horse. Anders and Oghren, with much bickering, were astride their horse waiting for Alexa to give the order to move out. Once Nathaniel was in place, she put her horse in an easy cantor and rode towards the coast.

The ride was silent, except for the taunts exchanged between Oghren and Anders. Alexa had found it annoying at first, but then listened to their conversation. Both were witty and seemed to enjoy tormenting and teasing each other. With such serious circumstances, a bit of comic relief was welcomed.

They neared the drop point and dismounted, preferring to approach on foot. This time Alexa didn't charge recklessly into the fray. She calmly spoke to the kidnappers and convinced them to give her Lady Eileen before exchanging coin. She then pushed Lady Eileen behind a rock to get her out of the line of fire and charged at the gang. Between the four of them, it didn't take long to kill the kidnappers. Once they were dead, Alexa turned to a very shaken Lady Eileen and asked if she was okay. She was. Alexa said they would return her to Vigil's Keep before heading on to Amaranthine. Lady Eileen informed Alexa that her father's estate was on the road to Amaranthine and if it was no further trouble, could she be taken home. Alexa smiled and told her that seemed like a good idea. They walked to the waiting horses and Alexa ordered Nathaniel to have Lady Eileen ride with him. The group mounted their horses and turned them towards the city of Amaranthine.

Once Lady Eileen became more comfortable around her rescuers, she began to talk. Her conversation was mostly limited to speaking with Nathaniel; a conversation that struck Alexa as being a bit too friendly for such an early acquaintance. She wasn't sure which conversation irked her more; the sniping of Anders and Oghren or the flirtatious chat of Lady Eileen with Nathaniel. And, she thought with a start, why should Lady Eileen's manner with Nathaniel bother her? Both of them were single, eligible people. If that was the kind of woman that attracted Nathaniel, then why should she care? What right did she have to feel so annoyed? Alexa could finally take no more of either conversation and trotted farther out ahead of her companions.

Nathaniel noticed Alexa's movement forward. He had only been half-listening to Lady Eileen, but knew she was flirting with him. He made polite, but non-committal responses that seemed to embolden Lady Eileen. That he was a Howe didn't seem to faze her. Nathaniel was riding slightly behind Alexa on her right. From this angle he could see her face in profile and admire her dark hair sitting on her shoulders; her lovely back with its perfect posture and the gentle movement of her hips in conjunction with the actions of her horse, beast and rider in perfect unison. He especially appreciated how she still looked like a woman in her armor. Most armor made women look more like men, their soft curves eradicated by the metal. But Alexa's armor fit her body like a glove and seemed to be tailor-made for her by keeping her feminine shape. There was something about a woman in armor that Nathaniel found very arousing. Nathaniel picked-up his pace and re-joined Alexa. She allowed him to catch-up, but then a few minutes later would ride out in front again. Nathaniel smiled inwardly. He wasn't sure if she was playing a game, but he had no problem playing right along. He would push his horse to catch-up and then she would move out again. It was almost as if she was asking him to chase her.

Alexa thought she would scream if she had to hear one more of Lady Eileen's feminine giggles when the girl exclaimed that her father's estate was in sight. _Thank the Maker,_ Alexa said silently and quickly rode towards the Bensley estate. As the horse entered the courtyard, Ser Edgar came out to greet his new guests.

"Papa!" Lady Eileen called when she saw him.

"Eileen!" he cried. Nathaniel brought his horse to Ser Edgar's side and gently helped Lady Eileen from his horse. The girl threw her arms around her father's neck. The man hugged her, obviously relieved that she was safe. Alexa waited a few moments for the tearful reunion to subside before clearing her throat to get Ser Bensley's attention.

Ser Edgar released his daughter and turned towards Alexa. "Ah, yes, Warden-Commander. Thank you so much for rescuing my daughter. What has become of the kidnappers?"

"They will bother no one anymore," she reassured him, "and here is your gold." Alexa handed him the full pouch.

"You return my daughter and my money? I had not thought to see the coin again. It was worth paying to get my Eileen back. So you keep it, Warden-Commander. That should be a just reward for your efforts."

"Thank you, my lord," Alexa said.

"Where are my manners? Will you stay a moment? I could have the kitchen make something for you and your men."

Anders and Oghren were about to dismount at the invitation when Alexa responded, "Thank you, but no. We have urgent business in Amaranthine and must be on our way. Good day to you, Ser Edgar."

"Good day, Warden-Commander. I shall tell everyone how good and kind you are for saving my Eileen." The man placed his hand around his daughter's waist and began to lead her inside.

Lady Eileen turned and said, "Good-bye, Nathaniel," with a wave and a giggle. Nathaniel gave her a small bow. At this, Alexa rolled her eyes, clucked her tongue, let out a disgusted sigh and turned her horse around, placing it into a full trot. Nathaniel noticed her reaction, as well as Anders and Oghren, and chuckled. He then put his horse into a gallop to catch-up with her while Anders and Oghren followed behind.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

It was late afternoon before they reached the gates of Amaranthine. For Nathaniel, this was a coming home of sorts. He used to accompany his father on trips to the city when he visited the Bann and nobles. He usually enjoyed the grandeur of the entrance to the city with all of its hustle and bustle; caravans of goods entering and leaving the city, people everywhere, the open and friendly atmosphere. But now, all of that was gone. This was a frightened city. Trade had nearly stopped flowing, refugees huddled outside the city walls begging to be let in and there was fear and suspicion everywhere. This was not the city of his childhood.

Alexa and her companions rode to the city gates and were stopped by a guard who informed them he needed to search their packs. Alexa gave her consent, but before the guard could perform his duty, his Constable came forward, reprimanding him.

"Do you know who this is?" the Constable asked. "This is the Commander of the Grey. Surely you do not think she or her companions are smugglers!"

The poor guardsman just fumbled over his words before he was dismissed.

"My apologies, Commander," the Constable said with a bow.

"He was just doing his duty. No harm done," Alexa replied with a smile.

"That is gracious of you, ma'am. I am Constable Aidan and I am very glad you are here. We are having trouble with smugglers and I am hoping you will be able to help us."

"I actually came to find one of my Grey Wardens, a man named Kristoff."

"You should check at The Crown and Lion Inn. They may have some information on your Grey Warden, but in the meantime…"

Alexa sighed inwardly and gave the man a smile. "Let myself and my companions check in at The Crown and Lion then come to me and tell me about the smugglers. We'll see what we can do."

"Maker bless you. Thank you. If you enter the city and turn right, then left you will see the Inn on your left. You can stable your horses there as well."

"Thank you," Alexa replied.

"By the way, Constable, do you know of a Delilah Howe?" Nathaniel asked.

"Delilah Howe…Delilah Howe…yes, I believe I do, but she doesn't go by Howe. She and her husband have a very nice shop on the street opposite the inn; Delilah's Home Boutique I believe it's called. The wife simply loves that shop."

"Thank you," Nathaniel replied. He turned to Alexa. "Commander…"

Alexa smiled at him. "Go. But I need you back at the inn later this evening."

"Of course," Nathaniel replied with a smile and rode towards his sister's shop. Alexa watched him go, then turned her horse towards the inn.

The three of them found The Crown and Lion Inn with little difficulty and had the stable hands take care of their horses. Alexa then entered the inn with Anders and Oghren in tow.

She approached the innkeeper and inquired after Kristoff. At first the man was hesitant to say anything, but when Alexa told him she was his Commanding Officer, the man readily supplied the information. He told her that Kristoff was here, but he had left. He was expecting the man to return as his room was paid-up for the next few weeks and his belongings were still there. He gave Alexa the key to Kristoff's room. She then asked if he had rooms available for them. He said he only had two. Alexa asked for a cot to be placed in one so the men could share one room while she took the other. Alexa, Oghren and Anders were shown to their rooms whereby Oghren and Anders each claimed a bed. Nathaniel would be stuck with the cot.

Alexa entered her room and closed the door, thankful for a bit of peace and quiet. She tossed her pack onto the bed and sunk into a chair, glad to be off her horse. Although she was an accomplished rider, she was out of practice, not needing horses in the Deep Roads and was a little sore. She closed her eyes and tried to think of nothing, but it was impossible. Everyone wanted something from her; wanted a piece of her; someone to solve their problems. When she felt overwhelmed at the tasks before her, Alistair would take her in his arms and comfort her. He would not say a word, but just hold her, sharing his strength with her. If she would start to talk about the problems, he would hush her and forbid her to talk about the Blight or the other challenges facing them. He would then regale her with stories of the Grey Wardens or his childhood, always choosing a tale that made her laugh. He could always make her laugh. There was one time when he went on and on about cheese, all kinds of cheese and his love of different cheeses. He had her laughing so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks. He would then look lovingly into her eyes, push her hair away from her face and kiss her deeply; tenderly. They would make love and for those few precious hours they were no longer Grey Wardens and there was no longer a Blight. They were Alexa and Alistair, two lovers wrapped in each others' embrace, exploring each other, forgetting the world outside. Alistair was her strength; her support. He had always been there for her and now she had to face these new threats and challenges alone. She wasn't sure she would be able to do it.

The knock at her door interrupted her thoughts. Expecting the Constable, she bade the person enter. It was not the Constable but Anders that walked into the room.

"May I talk with you?" he asked her.

Alexa sat up and nodded, gesturing to a seat opposite her. He took it, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. He ran his hand over his blonde hair.

Alexa smiled at him. "Anders, what is it? It can't be all that bad. Spit it out."

"I need a favor. I don't know what your stance is on apostates or the Circle, but I don't want to go back. Ever. And I don't want any templars tracking me down. My phylactery…you know about the phylactery of mages?" Alexa nodded. "Well, I've learned that my phylactery is here…in Amaranthine. It was moved during the Blight. If I…destroy…my phylactery, the templars will never be able to find me. I shall be free; truly free. But I need your help to do it, so I'm asking for it."

Alexa stared at Anders. She always had a soft spot for mages and since befriending Morrigan, she had a better understanding of apostates. But it was her views on blood magic that had stayed her hand from helping apostates too much. She had been raised to believe that blood magic was evil. She learned the hard way that all magic could be evil or good; the difference was the intent of its wielder. Because of her views, she refused to help Morrigan when she asked and she learned too late that helping Morrigan would have also been helping herself. How different her life would be if she had only said yes to Morrigan's request for the blood magic ritual.

"I refused the request of a mage once; an apostate…and it cost me everything," Alexa revealed softly, gazing down at the floor. She raised her eyes to meet Anders. "I'll help you," she vowed.

Relief flooded Anders face. "Thank you," he said gratefully. "We can talk more of this tomorrow. You don't know how much this means to me." He rose and Alexa smiled at him. He grinned and then left her to her own thoughts.

In a few minutes, there was another knock at her door. This time it was Constable Aidan. He took the seat opposite her and told her of Amaranthine's plight with the smugglers. As usual, Alexa pledged herself and her companions to help resolve the city's troubles. The Constable thanked her profusely and left her to her own tasks.

Nathaniel rode slowly back to the inn from his sister's shop. He was excited to see her and they had a warm homecoming. Nathaniel then told his sister of his time in the Free Marches and why he returned. He could not keep the venom from his voice as he spoke of Alexa and how she murdered their father, blackening the Howe name and reducing Delilah to her station. His sister listened politely, then set her older brother straight. He was mistaken about everything. She then told him of the actions of their father and how ashamed she was of him. Rendon was to blame for his fate and that of his family and no one else. She then reminded Nathaniel of their childhood and what a rotten bastard their father was back then. His behavior should never have surprised them. That Nathaniel felt he had to avenge Rendon was guilt talking, Delilah told him. Their father didn't deserve such respect for he never showed any to anyone else, especially his own family. As they talked, Nathaniel realized all of his preconceived conceptions about Alexa were wrong; dead wrong. She was still the same good; honorable; dutiful woman he had left behind. The Couslands were not the enemy; the Howes were. And all the old hatred Nathaniel had for his father rose to the surface. He had buried it thinking his father had been wronged. But it was his father who was the criminal, not the victim, as he had always been, as he continued to be even after Nathaniel left. Knowing the truth, how was he going to face Alexa?

Nathaniel reached the inn and stabled his horse, then entered the building. He found Alexa, Anders and Oghren at a table in a corner of the room. It appeared they were just sitting down to eat. He went over to them and Anders told him they were sharing a room. He gave him the key and Nathaniel went there to set down his pack and wash-up. He groaned when he entered the room to see he was sharing it with Oghren and Anders and he had the cot. He tossed his pack on the cot, threw some cold water on his face from the basin and changed into less formal attire. He saw the others had done the same, then joined them for supper.

Alexa had waited for Nathaniel to return before briefing them on Amaranthine's smuggling issue. She also had taken a moment after the Constable left to check out Kristoff's room. He had a map of the Blackmarsh and notes indicating he was heading there. Once Amaranthine's problem was resolved, they would head back to The Vigil and check on progress there, then head to the Blackmarsh.

The meal was soon served along with a great deal of ale and wine which Oghren downed greedily. The dwarf began telling tales about Orzammar and the Deep Roads in between chugs of ale. Anders of course would egg Oghren on and challenge him to drink more. Alexa, Nathaniel noted, was very quiet and ate little. Somehow Oghren got onto tales of the Blight and his travels around Ferelden with Alexa and their other companions, telling them about Zevran and Morrigan, Sten and Shale. After his fifth bottle and being very drunk, he began to talk about Alistair. He told them of a conversation he had with Alistair once about "spit shining the old sword." Of course, he actually meant cleaning his weapon, but Alistair thought he was referring to a euphemism for something else. He recalled how easily the young templar blushed at anything sexual and noted that just Alexa's presence would make the young man blush all the way to his hairline. Oghren told them how Alistair was King Maric's bastard son and that Alexa had won the Ferelden crown for him by beating Loghain Mac Tir. At this point, Alexa had heard enough. She had her feet on a chair and pushed it away forcefully. She stood and the table fell silent.

"I am going to my room," she announced. She then walked over and leaned down to whisper into Oghren's ear. "I suggest you sober up and do the same," she hissed, then strode away.

Anders and Nathaniel watched Alexa leave. Anders then kicked Oghren.

"What? What'd I say?"

"You idiot," Nathaniel spat.

"I didn't say anything bad."

"No. You just talk too much," Nathaniel replied. "Sober him up. I'm going to speak to Alexa," he told Anders.

Anders grabbed Nathaniel's wrist. "Is that wise?"

"I need to at least check on her and make sure she is okay."

Anders nodded, then tried to forcefully make Oghren drink something other than alcohol. Worse comes to worse, he would cast sleep on the dwarf and let him stay down here all night. At least he and Nathaniel might get some sleep.

Nathaniel bolted up the steps and went to Alexa's room. He paused in front of the door, then knocked.

"Who is it?" he heard Alexa say.

"It's Nathaniel. May I come in?"

There was a long pause, the he heard a weak "Sure," come from the room. He walked into Alexa's room and found her sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace, a perfect pink rose in her hand. She was staring at it, gently thumbing its petals. Nathaniel walked towards her.

"May I sit down?" he asked.

Alexa gazed at him, then shrugged and gestured to the place next to her. She returned her attention to the rose. Nathaniel took the seat and noticed her eyes were still moist with tears. He searched for the right words to say.

"That's a beautiful rose," he finally commented.

"Alistair gave it to me," she replied without looking at him. "It must have some magical properties as it is as fresh and beautiful as the day he gave it to me. That was…nearly two years ago. He said it reminded him of me...a rare and wonderful thing among all the darkness."

"He was right," Nathaniel responded.

Alexa gazed at him and smiled. "Did you have a good visit with Delilah?"

Nathaniel smiled, "I did. She and her husband are very happily married and are expecting a child in the spring."

"That's joyous news. Congratulations, Nathaniel. You shall be an uncle."

"Yes, thank you. She also told me about all the things that had happened in Ferelden while I was away; all the terrible things my father did." He paused. "Alexa, I…owe you an apology. Everything you said about my father was true. He committed heinous acts…against you, your family, the Crown and Ferelden. He deserved what he got. I just wish he hadn't taken the entire family down with him."

Alexa gave Nathaniel a warm smile. "Thank you, Nathaniel. You don't know how much that means to me. And I think you and Delilah and her child can rebuild the Howe family name into something good."

"Thank you for that."

Alexa smiled, then returned to gazing at Alistair's rose. Her smile faded. Nathaniel's heart went out to her.

"Alexa, about Oghren…"

Alexa turned to Nathaniel. "He didn't say anything wrong. I'm just…those wounds are just still too fresh." He looked into her pale blue eyes and again saw the haunted and pained expression in them. "Have you ever lost someone that close to you? The love of your life?" she asked softly, her eyes turning downward in sorrow.

Nathaniel gazed at her. How beautiful she was; how vulnerable. And at that moment he realized what he had been trying to deny for the past eight years.

"I left someone behind. Someone I cared about. A young girl from Highever," he confessed softly.

Alexa looked at him, her face expressionless. "That girl is gone…forever. If you wish to seek her out, I suggest you call upon Lady Eileen," she replied quietly.

"I don't want that girl. I thought I did, but I came home to find she had been replaced by a woman; a beautiful, intelligent, capable woman. A woman who has seen a changing world through pale blue eyes; whose beauty has haunted me and with one look causes my stomach to quiver and my palms to sweat." He brushed her hair away from her face and caressed her cheek. "You are the woman I want Alexa; the only woman I've ever wanted," he proclaimed.

Nathaniel leaned in and gently, tenderly placed his lips over Alexa's. He met with resistance at first, but then her mouth opened and he kissed her fully, his hand moving to the back of her head, holding her. She returned his kiss hungrily. He was about to take her in his embrace, when she abruptly broke the kiss, pulling away. Nathaniel gazed at her quizzically.

"I can't…I can't do this. It would be disloyal. I love Alistair."

Nathaniel knitted his brow in frustration. "But he isn't…he's not…" he tried to find something tactful to say, but couldn't.

Her haunted and pained eyes filled with tears, "Please," she whispered.

Nathaniel could not stand to see her in pain, especially pain inflicted by him. He nodded, removed his hand from her hair and rose, leaving her alone. As he closed the door behind him, he heard her sobs. The sound tore at his heart. He cursed himself, then went downstairs to grab a drink. Perhaps if he was drunk enough he would be able to forget the hurt he caused Alexa. He ordered a bottle, took a seat in the corner and hoped for peaceful oblivion.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

The sounds of the inn preparing to serve breakfast awoke Nathaniel from the chair he had slept in the night before. As his eyes focused on his surroundings, he realized the pounding he heard was inside his own head. He rose stiffly then made his way to his room. Anders and Oghren were not yet up even though the dwarf's snoring could have awakened the dead. Nathaniel changed his clothes then grabbed his pack. Any place was better than here.

He exited his room and ran straight into Alexa.

"Alexa…Commander…" Nathaniel began, feeling a bit awkward after last night's encounter.

She put a hand on his arm and smiled. "You look as if you didn't sleep much."

"I think I slept, but I don't feel rested."

"Well that's too bad because we have a full day of capturing smugglers and I need you at your best."

"You can count on me, Commander. I shall not let you down."

"I know. By the way, I didn't thank you for checking on me last night. It was sweet of you to do so, but as you can see I am fine today."

"And what about tomorrow?"

Alexa grimaced. "One day at a time, Nathaniel. That's how I live now; one day at a time. Why don't you wake Anders and Oghren? Perhaps we can surprise the smugglers while they are still in their beds." With that Alexa headed to the main floor of the inn. Nathaniel watched her walk away then did as she commanded.

After much grumbling from Anders and a couple of missed swings by Oghren, Nathaniel was able to rouse his companions from sleep. They dressed and joined Alexa downstairs. Once there, she gathered them around and detailed her plan. It seemed everyone knew where to find the smugglers, but there wasn't anyone who had the skill to deal with them. Alexa told them she would charge into their lair. Anders and Nathaniel were to hang back and take aim from a distance. Oghren was to back-up Alexa only if she appeared to be in trouble. None of them, she ordered, was to take any unnecessary risks. As Commander, any risks would be taken by her. Nathaniel frowned at that, but would do as she commanded. The four of them then headed to an abandoned house just outside the city gates which would lead them to the underground waterway and the smugglers' base of operations.

Once they entered the cave, Alexa saw that the smugglers were already awake and preparing for the day's activities. Surprise was out of the question. Instead, she told the others to hang back out of sight while she confronted the smugglers. She sauntered into the cave; weapon sheathed, and strode up to the leader. Instead of being angry, the man was amused at her boldness.

"Well, well, lookie what we got here boys," the leader said.

"I'm here to arrest you for your illegal activities. Come quietly and no one shall be harmed," Alexa said in a clear and steady voice.

Laughter erupted from the men surrounding her.

"Ye got balls, I'll give ya that," the leader said. He reached out and played with a tress of her hair. "But ye're alone, pretty thing."

Alexa smiled. "Did I happen to mention that I am a Grey Warden?"

The leader dropped his hand. "I had heard that all of the Grey Wardens in Amaranthine had perished."

"I'm from Denerim. My last assignment was defeating the Blight."

The man blinked. "The Hero of Ferelden?" Her revelation gave him pause, but then he leered at her. "You have enemies in these parts. Killing you or capturing you…either way should bring me a good amount of coin…after I'm finished with you, that is. Take her."

Alexa pulled the dagger from her waist and threw it at the man approaching her from behind. It landed in his throat, killing him. The move was enough of a distraction for Alexa to pull her blade. As she did, Nathaniel and Anders, unbeknownst to the smugglers, had taken their positions and began raining magic and arrows on the men. Alexa swung her blade. It contacted with one man's arm, slicing him to the bone. As the smugglers started to scatter towards their different attackers, Oghren came out of the shadows swinging his axe, cutting two of them down. It quickly became a mismatched battle as the Grey Wardens overwhelmed the smugglers, killing them. Once they confirmed that all the smugglers were dead, Alexa secured the illegal goods, then went to find the Constable to inform him that the smuggling operation was permanently shut down.

The Constable was grateful for the Grey Wardens' assistance. He said the guard would distribute the smuggled goods among the citizenry. It should help ease the hunger that was beginning to grip the city until the Pilgrim's Path was safe to travel again. Alexa nodded, making a mental note to look into the problems with the Pilgrim's Path. Once they left the Constable, she turned to Anders.

"Do you know where your phylactery is in Amaranthine?"

"Not exactly, but I have a contact…a friend…I am to meet. She will tell me."

"Lead the way," Alexa said.

They followed Anders to the meeting spot. Alexa and the others held back as Anders talked to his friend. They seemed to argue a bit, but he finally received the information. He returned to Alexa.

"It's in a warehouse near the marketplace," he told her.

"Let's go get it and then head back to The Vigil."

Anders nodded, then led them to the warehouse.

Entering the warehouse was relatively easy. Too easy, Alexa thought. The hairs on the back of her neck bristled. Her eyes roamed the room, peering into the shadows created by the stacked crates. Her companions seemed to have no trepidations.

"It's over here; in the back room," Anders motioned and headed towards the door. Alexa grabbed his arm.

"Let me go first," she said and moved in front of him. She opened the door and walked in.

As soon as they had all entered the room a group of templars emerged from their hiding places.

"Surrender apostate," the templar lieutenant ordered. "You're going back to the Circle."

"Like hells I am," Anders replied.

"Anders is now a Grey Warden. He is beyond the reach of the Circle," Alexa informed her.

"The duty of the templars supersedes any authority of the Grey Wardens," she responded.

Anders crossed his arms over his chest and smiled at her. "Why, Rylock, I'm beginning to think you are just sweet on me and miss having me around the way you keep chasing me like this. Keep this up and people will talk."

Rylock turned purple at Anders words. She turned to Alexa. "Hand him over now!"

Alexa's eyes narrowed. "Over my dead body," she replied.

"Have it your way," Rylock said, pulling her blade from its sheath.

Alexa, Anders, Nathaniel and Oghren drew their weapons and began to attack the group of templars. They were skilled warriors, but the fight was over in a few moments. Rylock and the other templars lay dead. Alexa sheathed her weapon then turned to Anders.

"So this looks as if it was a trap," she said.

"Yes. I'm sorry…" Anders began. Alexa waved him silent.

"I believe our business in Amaranthine is done. We need to return to The Vigil." Alexa strode purposefully towards the exit, then made her way to the stables at the inn to collect their horses. The rest of them followed silently behind her.

The ride back to The Vigil was quiet. Neither Oghren nor Anders felt much like squabbling today. Although the sound of their banter usually drove her mad, their silence was actually worse. It allowed Alexa's mind to wander and that was never a good thing. So she was thankful when Nathaniel took a place beside her. She was hoping he would speak and fill the silence.

"I want to thank you again for allowing me to visit my sister. She is now all the family I have left and it was good to see her and know she is fine."

Alexa smiled. "I understand. Fergus is the only family I have left. It is important to maintain familial ties."

"How is Fergus?"

"As good as can be expected. His wife and son were…lost…during the attack on our home. He has concentrated on rebuilding Highever and Castle Cousland since his return, so he has been busy. Still, I'm sure he gets lonely and misses them deeply."

"And you? Do you get lonely?"

Alexa stiffened. "That's a little personal, don't you think?"

"It's just one old friend asking after another," Nathaniel responded non-chalantly.

Alexa was silent for a few moments, then she confessed, "I do miss my parents, especially my father," she replied quietly.

"And Alistair?" he asked softly.

"That is none of your business," she replied roughly.

"My apologies; I am only concerned about you," Nathaniel replied earnestly.

"Well, I'm…fine," she replied with a bit of hesitation.

"I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you…if you need me." There was a slight longing in his voice.

Nathaniel's tone made her pause. Her face softened. "Thank you; I appreciate it." Alexa gazed into his dark eyes. Again she detected that underlying emotion she first saw during his Joining. That look caused her heart to skip a beat. Confused at her own reaction, she chose to ignore it and rode forward. Nathaniel left her to her own thoughts.

The Vigil finally came into sight and not a moment too soon for Alexa. She had barely ridden to the stables and dismounted when Captain Maverlies approached her.

"I'm glad you've returned Commander. The tunnels below The Vigil have been cleared. Also, the Seneschal wishes to speak with you."

"Thank you Captain. I will see Varel then discuss the tunnels with you," Alexa replied. She turned to her companions. "Why don't the three of you take some time to rest and grab something to eat. We'll be attacking those tunnels next I'm sure."

Her companions nodded, then made their way to the barracks while Alexa went to see Varel.

"Commander, I'm glad you have returned. The nobles have arrived to pay fealty to you. They must have heard of your return for they began to arrive yesterday."

"My activities seem to be everyone's business," she commented.

"Your actions do affect many, Commander."

"I need to investigate the tunnels underneath The Vigil first, now that they are cleared. The Vigil needs to be secure before I can attend to anything else."

"I can let the nobles know that you will greet them this evening at a reception," Varel suggested. "That should give you enough time to deal with any remaining darkspawn threat at The Vigil and allow you to prepare to greet the nobles."

Alexa nodded. "Let me take a moment and then I'll go see Captain Maverlies," she said.

"Of course, Commander," Varel replied. He saluted then left to attend to other business.

Alexa walked to her room. She passed by the barracks. The door to the room was open. She knocked and then entered.

"My apologies for interrupting, but Nathaniel, I must speak with you," she said. "Follow me," Alexa ordered.

Both Anders and Oghren smirked at Nathaniel, then returned to their unpacking. Nathaniel had just removed his gauntlets and was in the process of removing his armor when Alexa summoned him. He re-fastened the straps and followed Alexa to her chambers.

Alexa opened her door and began to remove her armor, tossing her helm and gauntlets on a chair. Nathaniel followed her inside then closed the door behind them. He then turned to face her, waiting for her to speak.

Alexa still had her back to him. Once she removed her helm, her dark hair tumbled around her shoulders. She brought her now unclad hands to her hair and shook it out, running her fingers through her raven locks. Nathaniel watched her movements. It was such an innocent display, but one that was erotic to him. He wanted to touch her hair and feel its softness between his fingers. She then turned to face him. He attempted to hide the wanton look in his eyes.

"I need you, Nathaniel," Alexa began.

Nathaniel's heart skipped a beat. How he had longed to hear those words from her lips. "Your desire is my command," he responded.

At his words, a pained look crossed Alexa's face. She cast her eyes down and for a moment, Nathaniel thought she was about to cry. Alexa swallowed hard then raised her pale blue eyes to meet his. Whatever emotion had possessed her a moment before was now gone.

"There is to be a reception this evening for the nobility to pay fealty to me. I need you to accompany me to this event."

"Why? Is this a date? Commander?" Nathaniel teased.

At that, Alexa chuckled and smiled. "No, but there will be people there who will not appreciate my being their Arlessa, despite their mouthing their fealty to me."

Nathaniel crossed his arms over his chest. "And you think that having a Howe by your side, endorsing your authority as it were, will help you win their loyalty?" His tone was matter-of-fact, but Alexa thought she heard a slight hurt in his voice.

"That was my thinking, yes," Alexa confessed.

Nathaniel stared at her, his arms still crossed in front of him. He was sizing up the situation. Alexa thought he was going to refuse her, but then he dropped his arms to his sides and relaxed.

"Those loyal to my father will hardly look kindly upon me. They probably think of me in the same manner they think of you. My presence may not help you."

Alexa gazed at Nathaniel, mulling over his words. He was probably right. Nathaniel was not Rendon and those loyal to the former Arl knew it. "Still, I would like you there with me. I will feel more…confident…with you beside me."

"You don't have an unconfident bone in your body, Alexa," Nathaniel smirked. "But I will be honored to accompany you to the reception," he replied with a slight bow.

"Thank you," Alexa replied. She wasn't sure if Nathaniel was being sincere or mocking her.

"Anything else, Commander?"

"Tell Anders and Oghren that we'll be exploring the tunnels in fifteen minutes," she said. Nathaniel gave her the informal salute then left.

In fifteen minutes the Grey Wardens regrouped and went into the tunnels, clearing out the remaining darkspawn. Once finished, Voldrik inspected the tunnels and the mechanism built by the dwarves to keep the darkspawn out. The large metal vault lock had almost been completed, but something had happened so the dwarves couldn't finish the work. Hence the vulnerability of The Vigil to darkspawn attacks. Voldrik finished the necessary work to make The Vigil secure. Once The Vigil was deemed safe, Alexa dismissed her Grey Wardens for the night. She and Nathaniel had to prepare for a noble reception.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Alexa stood in her chambers trying to decide what to wear. She had washed the grime from her body and was preparing to meet the nobles whom she now commanded. She wanted to strike the right balance of authority and benevolence. But with the state of the Arling and the nation she thought leaning more towards authority may be wiser. Her Warden-Commander armor now polished and gleaming would show she would tolerate no defiance against her position. It would signify that she was a Grey Warden first and foremost. Alexa donned her armor then went to meet Nathaniel in the barracks.

Alexa opened the door to find Nathaniel waiting on the other side, his hand raised to knock on her door. She saw he, too, was dressed in armor but his held the crest of the Howes. It seemed they both had similar thoughts for the presentation to the nobles this evening.

Nathaniel was startled at the sudden opening of Alexa's door. He paused then dropped his hand.

"Good evening, Nathaniel," Alexa said with a smile.

"Hello, Alexa."

"Is that armor new?" she asked as she exited her room, closing the door behind her.

Nathaniel looked down at his armored body. "No, but I found it in my old room. I thought it would be more appropriate for tonight, given the message you wish to deliver. Amazingly it still fits."

"Very handsome," Alexa agreed.

Nathaniel gazed at her and smiled. "Thanks. And may I say you look beautiful and formidable."

"Good. Thank you. Shall we to the wolves?" she asked.

"Ready when you are, Alexa."

"Oh, that reminds me. I need to show the nobles my authority. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't address me so informally during the reception and…" she paused knowing this might be too much to ask, "walk a step or two behind me…at my side, just a little…but…behind me."

Nathaniel crossed his arms over his chest, his face becoming unreadable. "Anything else? Commander?" She could hear the slight anger in his tone.

Alexa placed her hand on his forearm. "You understand why I ask this of you, don't you, Nathaniel?" Her voice was soft and gentle.

Nathaniel stared into her pale blue eyes. He thought he saw a pleading look in them. He knew the position she was in was difficult. He also knew that some of the nobles would be looking for any signs of weakness and then exploit it. He dropped his arms and smiled gently at her.

"Yes, I do understand. I will do whatever you require of me," Nathaniel replied.

Alexa smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you." Impulsively, she leaned in and gave Nathaniel a kiss on the cheek. She then turned to walk down the corridor towards the Main Hall.

Nathaniel was surprised at Alexa's action. It took a few moments for it to register that she was walking away from him. When he realized she was going on without him, he hustled down the hallway to catch-up to her. He then took his place as she asked; behind her and slightly on her left. They paused at the entrance to the Main Hall. Varel saw them. He nodded to the Sergeant-at-Arms who loudly stamped the ceremonial staff on the stone floor, calling everyone to attention. The nobles turned towards the Seneschal in anticipation.

"My Lords and Ladies, I present to you, Alexa Cousland, Commander of the Grey and the Arlessa of Amaranthine and Grey Warden Nathaniel Howe," Varel announced to the crowd.

At that Alexa and Nathaniel entered the room. Sporadic applause broke out and then all visitors gave them a round of applause. Alexa and Nathaniel moved to stand next to Varel.

"Commander," Varel said, giving Alexa the floor. Alexa stepped forward.

"Thank you, Seneschal. My Lords and Ladies," Alexa began in a clear and commanding voice, "what is past is past. It cannot be undone. What we must concentrate on now is the future; the future of Amaranthine. We have the common goals of eradicating the darkspawn from the Arling; re-establishing trade and making the Arling of Amaranthine safe, secure and prosperous. I know that, together, we can accomplish these goals for the benefit and betterment of all."

There was applause at her words; moreso than at her introduction. Alexa took a step back as Varel spoke.

"It is time for the oaths of fealty. Bann Esmerelle, as the Bann of the City of Amaranthine, you have the honor of beginning the ceremony."

Bann Esmerelle stepped forward, curtseyed in front of Alexa and swore an oath of fealty to Alexa and any of her heirs. Alexa gave the woman a brief smile and nod, then Lord Eddelbrek stepped forward to repeat the same oath. It took approximately thirty minutes for all of the nobles to declare their oaths of fealty. Once the formal ceremony was over, the nobles were served food and drink. Varel whispered to Alexa that she may wish to mingle with the nobles. Alexa nodded and told Nathaniel he was free to mingle or follow her. Nathaniel decided to mingle on his own, but follow Alexa at a discreet distance.

Although protocol would dictate that Alexa speak with Bann Esmerelle first, she couldn't stand the woman, especially knowing that she and the late Arl were of the same ilk. Instead she moved forward to speak with a more friendly and familiar face.

"Lord Eddelbrek," Alexa began.

"Commander," Eddelbrek began, bowing as Alexa approached.

"I remember you, Lord Eddelbrek. My father spoke highly of you."

"My Lady Cousland, I am honored that you remember me; truly sad what happened to your parents."

"The Arl paid for his treachery, but thank you."

"Yes and some of those nobles here had their fortunes changed for the worse when Arl Rendon Howe became the late Arl of Amaranthine."

"Unless they participated in the betrayal of my family, they have nothing to fear from me and may just have their fortunes rebuilt."

"I wonder if any of them will be able to see past their hatred and realize that fact," he replied. "But I do have a matter of urgency to discuss with you. The farmlands are in great peril. They are not being protected as they should. Without the farms, the people of Amaranthine will starve."

"I have been informed that the city of Amaranthine is in need of soldiers as well," Alexa replied.

"Bah. The city has its walls and its guards. The farms have no one; except you, Warden-Commander."

The statement made the impact its wielder intended. Alexa frowned slightly. "I shall take your words under advisement, Lord Eddelbrek."

"Thank you, Commander."

"If you will now excuse me," she said.

"Of course," Lord Eddelbrek replied, bowing. Alexa went to speak with the other nobles, including Bann Esmerelle.

"Warden-Commander," Bann Esmerelle said, bowing slightly when Alexa approached.

"Bann Esmerelle," Alexa nodded.

"I had hoped to speak with you about the conditions in Amaranthine," the Bann began.

"I have just returned from Amaranthine, as you well know, so I have seen the conditions of the city for myself."

"Then you see the dire straits we are in," she replied.

"I'm sure those dire straits shall ease a bit now that the smugglers are no longer a problem."

Bann Esmerelle blinked. Apparently this was news to her. "Yes," she began recovering from her surprise, "that will begin to help the situation. But it is only one component…"

"Yes, trade is the other," Alexa said cutting the woman off.

"Not only trade, but the city needs soldiers…"

"The city has a very capable guard as well as walls to protect it. Once I restore trade, the city should be in much better shape," Alexa told the Bann.

Bann Esmerelle's eyes narrowed. "It seems you have all ready made up your mind about military resources," she said glancing over at Lord Eddelbrek.

"Bann Esmerelle, you know as well as I that governing requires difficult choices. As much as I would love to send soldiers to every part of the Arling, I cannot. Amaranthine has its city guards. For now it will have to suffice. As soon as I can, I shall send reinforcements to help. Until then, I must think of the good of the entire Arling and not just the city."

"It could be…dangerous…not to heed my requests…Commander," Bann Esmerelle said. The threat was not lost on Alexa.

Alexa smiled. "For whom? Me? Or you?"

"You misunderstand me. I talk of consequences to the Arling."

"I protect that which is mine," Alexa said reassuredly.

"Like your family? Or our late King Alistair?" Bann Esmerelle replied with a smirk.

To Alexa's credit, she stood her ground and did not falter. "I was thinking on a larger scale, such as all of Ferelden. However, in protecting the nation…and in this case the Arling, there are bound to be acceptable…casualties, Bann Esmerelle; very acceptable casualties," she replied with a threat of her own.

Bann Esmerelle blinked. It was the second time in their conversation that she was surprised. "Then let us hope it doesn't come to that," she replied.

"Yes, let us hope," Alexa smiled. "Now if you will excuse me, Bann Esmerelle."

"Of course, Commander," Bann Esmerelle said, bowing slightly.

Alexa left the Bann to talk with other nobles. Nathaniel was within earshot during Alexa's and the Bann's exchange of words. He saw the Bann's face and knew that Alexa had made a very dangerous enemy.

Alexa worked her way around the room and finally turned her attention to Ser Tamra who seemed eager to speak with her.

"Warden-Commander," Ser Tamra began, "I was hoping you would come speak with me."

"Of course, Ser Tamra. But you seem especially eager to tell me something."

"Am I that obvious? Well, I wasn't sure if I should tell you what I know, but you seem to have the best interest of the Arling at heart."

"Please speak your mind. If there is trouble brewing in the Arling I wish to know."

"It isn't so much trouble with the Arling as something to do with you." Ser Tamra gazed around quickly then dropped her voice. "I have…intercepted…some letters from nobles indicating there is a growing conspiracy against you; a conspiracy aimed at taking you down…permanently."

"Conspiracy? Do you mean an assassination?"

"Yes; there is a group of nobles who wish to murder you."

"Do you happen to know who?"

"I fear not. The letters did not include any names."

"Would you be able to get these letters to me?"

"Yes, I shall try. I wanted you to know, so you could take whatever precautions are required."

"Thank you, Ser Tamra. I shall not forget your loyalty," Alexa promised.

"Just put the Arling right again. That shall be reward enough," Ser Tamra replied. She then bowed to Alexa and went to join another group of nobles.

Alexa watched the woman walk away. She was positive that the group was being led by Bann Esmerelle, but without any proof she could not move against her. Alexa would need to wait for the conspirators to act first.

Alexa had mingled with all of the nobles. She returned to Varel. Nathaniel saw her and joined them.

"Just say the word Commander and I can have the ceremony end," Varel told her.

"Lord Eddelbrek informed me that the farmlands need more protection," Alexa said.

"He would say that as his farm and land holdings are great, but there is truth in his words."

"Bann Esmerelle also wishes more troops for the city."

"Again, not an unreasonable request in these times, but we don't have as many soldiers and Grey Wardens as needed to cover the entire Arling."

"The soldiers should be dispersed around the Arling to protect the farmlands. Amaranthine has its walls and a capable city guard. Once I re-establish trade, the city will be in good shape."

"It shall be as you order, Commander," Varel said.

"There was also one other piece of news. Apparently there is a group of nobles plotting against me; some conspiracy that may involve planning my demise."

"An assassination?" Nathaniel remarked with concern. "Where did you hear this?"

"Ser Tamra."

"Well, if anyone would know it would be her," Varel confirmed.

"Does she have any proof?" Nathaniel asked.

"Some coded letters that she intercepted. She will try to send them to me."

"Intercepted. Sounds like she was a conspirator that has changed her mind," Nathaniel snorted. "What do you wish to do about it?"

"Nothing," Alexa replied.

Nathaniel looked confused. "Nothing?"

"It is not of any great concern and right now is only a rumor."

"One that should be investigated," Nathaniel remarked.

"No. We have other things that take precedence. We cannot waste precious time and resources on unsubstantiated gossip."

"But," Nathaniel began to protest.

"I have made my decision," Alexa said with finality. "And I think it is time to bring this ceremony to an end," she said turning to Varel.

"It will be as you command," Varel said. He turned and addressed the assembled nobles thus ending the gathering.

Alexa and Nathaniel were walking back to their rooms. Nathaniel again began to protest Alexa's decision to ignore the conspiracy.

"Commander…Alexa…you shouldn't take this threat against you so lightly," Nathaniel began.

"I am done talking about this Nathaniel. I have made my decision," she said.

She then paused at the barracks, entering the room. Oghren and Anders attempted to jump to attention, unsuccessfully.

"At ease, gentlemen. Anders, I would like to speak with you if you have a moment."

"Of course, Commander." Anders looked from Oghren to Nathaniel and shrugged, then followed Alexa to her room.

Alexa pushed open her door and entered with Anders in tow. "Close the door," she told him. He did so. Alexa began to strip the gauntlets from her arms. "I wanted to talk about what happened in Amaranthine; about your phylactery."

Anders sighed. He wondered when she would question him about this. "Yes. I'm sorry…" he began.

"No, Anders. I am the one who is sorry that we couldn't find your phylactery and destroy it. But I think I can do the next best thing." Anders gazed at her quizzically. "I shall write to First Enchanter Irving and Knight-Commander Greagoir informing them that you are now a Grey Warden under my command and you are never to return to the Circle as long as you are a Grey Warden. That should stop the Templars from hunting you."

Anders stared at Alexa, stunned. "Are you…are you sure? You want to do this? And they will listen to you?"

Alexa smiled, "Yes, I want to do this. You need not look over your shoulder wondering when the next templar will strike. You have enough creatures to be wary of as a Grey Warden. Templars should not be one of them. And I believe they will listen to me, yes."

"Thank you," Anders said with deep, genuine emotion. "I will serve you until you no longer have a need for me," he vowed. He was about to leave when he turned back towards Alexa. "Begging your pardon, but are you okay Commander?"

"Why do you ask?"

"The other night…Oghren…"Anders began hesitantly.

Alexa smiled. "Oghren said nothing offensive. In fact, his story was sweet and captured Alistair very well. I am just…well…sensitive to the subject matter."

"You loved him very much, didn't you?" Anders asked gently.

"He was my life," Alexa replied quietly, her eyes beginning to moisten with tears. "I'm not sure…I don't know how…to live without him," she confessed.

Anders gazed at her and noticed for the first time how truly beautiful and vulnerable she was. "I wish I had some sage words of wisdom for you, but I don't. I have never been in love or lost someone that I cared about so much."

"You've never been in love? Was there no opportunity in the Circle?"

"Oh there was opportunity, but if the Templars discovered something…someone…that meant so much to you, they would use it as a weapon against you."

"I cannot believe that all Templars would act so cruelly."

"Perhaps not all, but enough so that falling in love was not worth the risk."

"Love is always worth the risk," she told him.

"Even when it doesn't end happily ever after?" he asked her. There was no mocking tone in his voice. It was an honest question.

Alexa thought for a moment. In spite of the outcome, had loving Alistair been worth it? She thought about all of the happy times they had shared together; the laughter, the warmth, the pleasure in each other's arms; and the unhappy times, the trying times when they shared their fears, frustrations and tears.

"Yes, Anders," Alexa replied with a smile, "even when it doesn't turn out like you wish. Loving someone is worth any risk."

"I hope I'll be able to find that out someday," he replied.

"I hope so as well and that it ends happily ever after," she smiled.

Anders nodded. "Thank you again, Commander. Good night."

"Good night," Alexa replied as she watched Anders leave and a sense of peace overcame her being; a feeling she hadn't felt since Alistair's death. For the first time, she was able to think about Alistair and their time together with true happiness and not the grief that had constantly consumed her since he fell on top of Fort Drakon. Perhaps, at last, she was beginning to heal.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Nathaniel had a restless night's sleep. Part of it was the endless nightmares that plagued every Grey Warden. The other part was more personal. He was very concerned about Alexa and her determination not to take the assassination plot against her seriously. He knew these people; these nobles who were anything but. They were vengeful, spiteful people that would stop at nothing to get what they wanted. And right now they wanted Alexa dead. Well, if she wouldn't do anything about it, then it was up to him to take action. At the moment, though, he had nothing to go on. He would need to hope that Ser Tamra would deliver those intercepted letters as promised. The best he could do was stay by Alexa's side and defend her in the event of an attack.

Nathaniel dressed in his armor and prepared to journey out. They were going to the Wending Woods to deal with the trade crisis. He knew Alexa would rather go search for Kristoff, but the economy of the Arling was hanging heavy on everyone's mind. It was a toss-up as to which was more important to deal with first, the darkspawn or trade. Both were vital to the well-being of the land. Alexa had dispatched soldiers and newly recruited Grey Wardens to defend the farms, so the task of restoring trade fell to her.

Anders and Oghren had just woken up as Nathaniel strapped his bow across his back. He did not wish to start his morning listening to them bicker. He would hear enough of that on the road. They had just started needling each other when Nathaniel reached the barracks door to leave. He closed the door behind him then went to the courtyard to wait for Alexa.

Nathaniel exited The Vigil and saw Alexa was already in the courtyard. She was stroking the nose of her horse. Nathaniel watched her. It was during private moments, when she was unaware that she was being observed that Alexa looked most natural and relaxed. She always held herself proudly, but there was no pretension in her posture; no stiffness from the rigors of command. She looked like the Alexa he remembered; the Alexa he had fallen in love with so long ago.

Anders and Oghren joined Nathaniel, making quite a lot of noise as they did so. Their talking caught Alexa's attention. She gazed in their direction, her eyes glancing over them then resting on Nathaniel. Her demeanor did not change, but she held Nathaniel's eyes. For a moment, his breath caught in his throat. He thought she might say something or give him a smile, but she was distracted by the kitten that seemed to appear from nowhere, rubbing against her legs. Alexa looked down to see the orange and white tabby. She smiled and reached down to pick-up the kitten. Anders and Oghren brushed by Nathaniel with Anders slapping him on the back. Nathaniel watched as they walked towards Alexa and then joined them.

"What do you have there?" Anders asked Alexa.

"A kitten; I don't know where it came from."

Anders approached her and stroked the kitten's head. Immediately upon his touch, the kitten began to purr. "I had a cat when I was in The Circle. He was a good mouser."

"He seems to like you," Alexa said.

"I've always had a way with animals," he said, scratching the kitten's ears. His purring grew louder.

"I'm more of a dog person myself," Alexa commented. "Why don't you take him?"

"Me?"

"Yes. I would be worried that such a little kitten would get lost around here. Besides it still needs to be taken care of for a little while longer until it grows some more."

"Well…I…" Anders began as Alexa handed the kitten to him. Anders held the kitten against his chest which began kneading his robes. He smiled down at the animal. "I suppose I could make room for you in my pack. You're small enough."

"You'll need to name him," Alexa said.

Anders lifted the kitten and looked into its face. "I'll call you…Ser Pounce-a-lot."

"What?" Nathaniel said, not believing his ears. "Ser…Pounce-a-lot?"

Anders looked at him defiantly, "Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Not at all," Alexa stepped in. "He's your cat. Name him whatever you wish. But now we must saddle-up and head towards the Wending Woods. The sooner we can solve the merchants' problem the faster we can turn our attention to finding Kristoff."

Anders removed his pack and made room for Ser Pounce-a-lot who immediately snuggled into the warm environment and went to sleep. Ander placed his pack in its place and climbed onto his horse, then helped Oghren into the saddle. Once everyone was ready, they headed out of The Vigil and on the road to the Wending Woods.

The journey was uneventful Alexa was quiet for most of the trip. She would speak when spoken to and occasionally issue an order, but the silence was mostly filled with Anders and Oghren's banter. After a couple of days' travel, the group entered the Wending Woods. Just at its entrance was a burned-out caravan; the bodies of its occupants strewn along the ground. Nathaniel jumped off his horse and inspected the wreckage.

"This doesn't look like darkspawn. Look at the blast pattern. A mage was involved in this attack."

"Bandits?" Alexa asked.

"Maybe. But whoever it is, they were thorough and vindictive. I don't see any weapons from the caravan occupants."

"Perhaps they took them with, as salvage."

"That is possible."

"Let's continue on," Alexa said.

They traveled farther into the woods and came across a few other burned-out caravans. They continued moving along the path when suddenly a man came running towards them. He had darted from a grove of trees. When he turned and saw Alexa and her Grey Wardens, he screamed and fell to his knees in front of them.

"Please…please don't hurt me. I…I need to get out of here!"

"Who are you? Why are you running?" Alexa asked him.

"Me? I'm no one; just a refugee. I couldn't get into Amaranthine. They're still not letting anyone into the city on the orders of Bann Esmerelle. I thought…I thought I'd try to get to Denerim. They said…they said the woods was full of evil and I shouldn't travel this way. They were right."

"Evil? Are there darkspawn about?" Alexa inquired.

"Darkspawn, yes, but that's not the half of it. There's this Dalish elf; a mage; she's killing every human she sees."

"Dalish? That doesn't make sense."

"I know what I saw. The darkspawn attacked a Dalish camp; killed almost everyone. They took a few female elves with them. That scared me, so I started to run. I came across a merchant caravan who was willing to give me a ride to Denerim. But we was attacked. This crazy Dalish mage blasted at us with her staff. She called the trees and animals of the woods to attack us. I barely made it out alive. I'm going to go back to Amaranthine. At least I can sit outside the city walls and be safe."

"Are there more darkspawn ahead? Where's this Dalish mage?"

"I don't know and I don't care. Please just let me pass."

Alexa gazed at the man. He was too terrified to invent such a story. "They way behind us is clear. Do not make me regret letting you go."

"Oh, thank you, my lady. May Andraste herself bless you." The man bowed, then bolted past them, running for his life.

"You believe him?" Nathaniel asked her.

"I do."

"But why would darkspawn attack a Dalish camp? And take away some of the females?"

"I would say that darkspawn are mindless creatures that attack anything in their path. But since meeting darkspawn who talk and seem to be capable of cognizant thought, I'm not sure. But the taking of females…they're needed for breeding."

"Breeding? You mean…" Nathaniel said aghast.

"They're called Broodmothers. Females are…changed…so they can…propagate…the darkspawn population."

"Changed?"

"Yes. I don't know exactly how, but I have seen the results. It is one reason why I know there are far worse things than death," Alexa responded quietly. "Let's find these darkspawn and this Dalish mage. Then perhaps we can resolve the trade problem and get back to finding Kristoff."

Alexa and the others traveled farther into the woods. Just as they were about to cross a bridge over a small river, several lightning bolts hit the ground near them. They looked up to see a female Dalish mage brandishing her staff at them.

"Come no closer, shem or next time my aim will be true," the Dalish mage shouted.

"We're Grey Wardens investigating the attacks on the merchant caravans," Alexa told her.

The mage paused. "I am the one attacking the shems' caravans," she replied defiantly.

"So I've been told," Alexa responded. "Why?"

"The shem kidnapped my sister!"

"I was informed that it was the darkspawn who took your sister," Alexa replied.

"Dark…" she paused as if considering the possibility, then tossing the thought aside. "A convenient lie!" she spat.

"I could throw a fireball at her," Anders said. "Or freeze her."

"No. She has the advantage of position over us. I'd like to avoid a confrontation if possible," she replied. Alexa turned to the elf. "Look, let us ride up there and we can talk. You can show me what evidence…"

"No! Stay away!" she screamed and threw a fireball in their direction. It was aimed to do no damage to them, but did give the elf time to get away.

"Damn. Why isn't anything ever easy," Alexa murmured. She crossed the bridge and followed the uphill path to where the elf had just been standing. As they reached the top of the hill, they saw the remains of a Dalish camp. The group dismounted and examined the scene.

To their left were freshly dug graves with Dalish symbols adorning each. Looking straight ahead there was the remnants of the attack. Nathaniel moved forward and examined a pile of weapons strewn about. Their position looked odd.

"Does this seem staged to you?" he called back to Alexa. She moved to join him.

"If there was a fight, then the weapons would be all over. And if this was an ambush, the weapons wouldn't have been left behind at all."

"Exactly. This looks as if there was a methodical plan. But darkspawn doing this?"

"I wouldn't doubt it. After meeting that talking darkspawn on the roof of The Vigil…" Anders said, shuddering. "He seemed capable of providing strategy and tactics."

"Come on; we need to find that elf and put a stop to her attacks," Alexa commanded. They re-mounted their horses and left the massacre site, continuing along the path.

"Eh, Commander?' Oghren called out.

"Yes?"

"I've been observing that the stone around here is granite; would be good material to use in rebuilding The Vigil."

"Good eyes, Oghren. Once we're finished here I'll have soldiers and craftsmen retrieve the granite for Voldrik's use."

As they looked for any sign of the elf, they were surprised by a group of darkspawn. The leader recognized the symbol on Alexa's armor.

"Grey Wardens! The Architect shall be pleased. Capture them!"

Alexa unsheathed her sword, leaned low over her horse's head and charged straight into the small band of darkspawn, giving out a yell as she did so. Oghren jumped off the horse and ran towards the oncoming fray. Anders took a position far enough back to utilize his full range of magical abilities. Nathaniel watched as Alexa went on the offensive. He cursed and followed her into battle, preparing his bow and aiming it while he rode.

Alexa reached the first darkspawn and was able to cut him down quickly. She turned her horse around to swing at another, her blow just glancing her opponent. She positioned herself to take another swing when she was hit dead on by a lightning bolt. It knocked her from her horse onto the ground. Nathaniel saw Alexa fall.

"Alexa!" he screamed and aimed his bow at the darkspawn emissary that had taken her down. His arrow hit its mark, killing the creature. He rode towards her and jumped from his horse, ready to defend her from any attack.

Oghren saw what had happened and fought his way to Alexa's side. Anders provided cover for him. By the time he reached Alexa, she was on her feet ready to swing at the next attacker. They stood in a semi-circle with their backs to each other in an attempt to ward off any attacks from behind and fought those darkspawn remaining. Anders moved to a spot where his area of effect spells could do the most damage. Fighting furiously at each other's side, the group finally defeated the small band of darkspawn.

Alexa approached the leader who was dying. She wanted to question him about the elves and this Architect. The creature's eyes became slits as she approached.

"Did you attack the elves?" she asked.

The darkspawn grinned, "Yes."

"Why?"

"Knew humans would be blamed. Knew elves would attack humans. Knew Grey Wardens would come."

Alexa knitted her bows together. "Are you saying you did this to bring us here?"

"The Architect…needs Grey Wardens. Their Commander…special treat."

"Did you kidnap female elves? Where are they?"

The darkspawn's grin grew wider; more gruesome. "The mines…" he managed to sputter. He then fumbled for something around his neck. Nathaniel saw him move and drew his bow, ready to attack if the creature lunged at Alexa for a final blow. The darkspawn yanked at the chain around his neck, but the effort was too much for him. His eyes rolled back into his head, his hand falling to his side, scaly fingers opening to reveal a necklace. Alexa retrieved the necklace and studied it. She recognized the Dalish markings on it. It must belong to one of the female Dalish elves taken by the darkspawn. Alexa rose, pocketed the trinket and sheathed her weapon. She then began to walk towards her horse. Nathaniel grabbed her arm, stopping her movement.

"Alexa? Are you okay?" he asked with great concern.

"I'm fine."

"That was quite the blow and tumble you took."

She smiled at him. "I'm indestructible or haven't you realized that by now? Or at least very, very difficult to kill. Let's try to find that elf." Alexa continued towards her horse.

Nathaniel shook his head in admiration and bewilderment. He then followed her.

"Can you track her Nathaniel?" Alexa asked him.

"Perhaps, but with the fighting here and her magic, finding the signs will be difficult."

"I have faith in you," Alexa replied. There was something soft and caring in her voice. This was not the Commander of the Grey speaking, but Alexa Cousland.

Nathaniel felt his insides go all warm at her tone. If they had been alone he would have taken her in his arms and kissed her. Instead, he just nodded and climbed onto his horse. Once they were all in their saddles, Alexa let Nathaniel lead them.

He began to find some signs but wasn't sure if it was the elf or markings they had made in previously passing. He followed the trail which led them back to the Dalish camp. When they entered, they saw the elf kneeling at the grave sites of her fallen people. Alexa gestured for her group to halt. She then slowly dismounted from her horse. The elf didn't move.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Alexa began.

"Keep your sorrow, shem."

"I know it's easy to believe that humans did this, but they didn't. This was a darkspawn attack."

"I heard."

"What?"

"I was near when you questioned that creature. I didn't know darkspawn could talk."

"He had this on him. Do you recognize it?" Alexa asked, holding out the amulet.

The elf turned and saw the necklace. She quickly moved towards Alexa, snatching the amulet from her hand.

"This is my sister Seranni's amulet! I need to find her!"

"If the darkspawn took her, there is most likely not much hope for your sister."

"I need to try. She is the only family I have. I overheard him mention the mines. I'm going to go there and try to find her. I'll go alone, but…there is safety in numbers."

Alexa gazed at her. She didn't like this manipulative elf who had all of the arrogance of Morrigan without any of the charm. "We need to investigate the mines anyway if it is a darkspawn lair. It is our duty to eradicate them. If you wish to join us, that is your decision. I will not stop you. But our goal is the darkspawn, not your sister. If we happen to find a trace of her…"

"Yes, I understand. I'm Velanna, by the way."

"Alexa and this is Nathaniel, Anders and Oghren." Each of them nodded in turn.

"A pleasure," Velanna responded, but they weren't sure she meant it.

"Let's go," Alexa said, "and remember to be ready for anything."

Alexa and her team tied their horses to a nearby tree outside the mine entrance and walked into the cave with Alexa leading the way. Anders was on her right. He leaned in while they walked.

"Do you trust her?" he asked Alexa in a low voice, referring to Velanna.

"No. It's not because she is an elf. I have some close friends that are elves. It's that she is…"

"Untrustworthy," Anders finished for her.

Alexa smiled at the mage. "Yes. So keep an eye on her. If anyone might be able to get the jump on her if she attacks, it will be you."

"You can count on me, Commander," Anders promised.

Nathaniel was walking a little behind Alexa and noticed the very private and intimate conversation between her and Anders. He scowled. The mage seemed to have a very easy relationship with her. They got along well and did not seem to have the tension he believed existed between himself and Alexa. He then looked at their new party member. The elf rubbed him the wrong way; a trait shared with the others. Only Oghren didn't give any indication that Velanna bothered him. But Nathaniel wasn't sure if she was just unpleasant or she was hiding something. He would just watch her for now.

They descended down a rickety staircase into the bowels of the mine. The place appeared to be abandoned. They fanned out and explored the small exterior room. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. They gathered in the center of the room.

"Well, nothing looks to be…" Alexa began. Suddenly there was a loud hissing noise. They looked around searching for the source when above them on a platform appeared a tall, lanky creature. There was a female dwarf with him; a dwarf that had the markings of being possessed with the darkspawn taint.

"My patience has been rewarded. I thought perhaps we would need to visit Vigil's Keep again to see you, but you have found me. Welcome, Warden-Commander." The creature spoke well; its voice clear but with a strange soothing, apologetic tone to it. Its speech was deliberate.

"Who…" Alexa began, but she began to feel dizzy. She looked down and realized they were standing on some sort of poisonous gas trap. The green fumes swirled around them like smoke and before any of them could move, they felt their bodies going down and everything went black


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Alexa's eyes fluttered open. She was lying on a table; her armor stripped from her body. There was a bright light above her. She tried to move, but realized she was restrained; bound to the table. She was able to move her head and turned it to try and see her surroundings. She saw the creature across the room at a long table filled with books, papers and laboratory equipment. He was staring at a test tube filled with red liquid, then wrote something down. She turned her head in the opposite direction and saw more equipment. She again attempted to move her hands, pulling against the leather restraints. The chains that held the leather to the table rattled. The creature heard her movements. He looked up from his notes and over at her.

"My apologies, Warden-Commander for this treatment of you. It is unfortunately necessary," the creature said in its apologetic voice, gliding to the side of the table holding Alexa.

"Who are you? What are you? One of the talking darkspawn? What do you want with me? Where are my companions?" There was no fear in her voice, only anger.

Alexa saw that the creature looked more human than darkspawn, but had the telltale characteristics of a darkspawn emissary. It gave something resembling a smile at her questions.

"I am called The Architect and for lack of a better term I am what you would call a darkspawn. Unlike the darkspawn you have encountered, I possess independent thought and will. Your companions are safe. As for what I want from you, it is your power as a Grey Warden that I wish to harness. However, you appear to be possessed with something different than your fellow Grey Wardens; a unique trait." His voice seemed to hold a bit of awe. He reached out and with his finger caressed her cheek and allowed his gaze to roam down her naked body.

Alexa involuntarily pulled her face away from his touch and looked off into the distance. There was a bit of fear within her now. Was she going to become a Broodmother?

"My experiments with you are not yet finished. It will be best if you were to sleep for its duration," The Architect said. He waved his hand over her face. Almost immediately Alexa's eyes grew heavy and closed. She felt and heard nothing.

Nathaniel, Anders, Oghren and Velanna had awoken in a cell; stripped of their weapons. They quickly realized Alexa was not among them. Nathaniel's anger at being captured turned to fear at Alexa's absence. He began to pace in the cell. The others sat around, watching him. He had become their de facto leader.

"Why is everyone just sitting around? We need to get out of here and find Alexa," Nathaniel said urgently.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Anders asked.

"You're a mage…and so are you," he began pointing at Velanna. "Can't you do some magic?"

"They took our wands. We're not much good without them," Velanna replied.

"Fire…Anders, can't you conjure up a fireball?"

"Yes, but not long enough to melt those steel bars if that's what you're thinking," he replied. "Plus the area of effect is large. It would burn us too."

"So we're trapped here? Helpless?"

"It appears that way for now," Oghren answered.

Nathaniel's eyes narrowed. "That is unacceptable! There must be a way out!" He continued pacing in the cell, examining every corner and crevice for a possible way out. He could find none.

"Do any of you have any thin pieces of metal on you?" Nathaniel asked.

"Why?" said Anders.

"I can try to pick the lock if I can get the proper tools," Nathaniel replied. He looked around and then gazed at his own hands, noticing his metal gauntlets. If he could just bend or break one of the fingers, he might be able to use it to pick the lock. He was about to remove his gauntlets when they heard the sound of metal grating against stone. Someone or something was coming.

Nathaniel stood near the cell door, straining to see. The others rose from their seated positions, waiting. Suddenly four large darkspawn came around the corner and entered the room. Two of them were dragging someone by the arms. The person was in an upright position, but their head was hanging down and their feet were dragging across the floor. Those in the cell soon recognized the Warden-Commander armor and knew it was Alexa. One of the darkspawn opened the cell while the fourth one trained a weapon on the occupants. They tossed Alexa into the cell. She began to fall, but Nathaniel caught her. She was unconscious. The darkspawn locked the cell door and left the prisoners to themselves.

As soon as the darkspawn departed, the cell's occupants ran to Alexa's side. Nathaniel gently lowered Alexa to the ground.

"Anders, can you check and see if she's hurt?" Nathaniel asked.

He nodded and laid his hands over the top of her body, moving slowly up and down from her head to her toes.

"She appears to be fine, just unconscious."

Nathaniel breathed an audible sigh of relief. He then sat down beside her and placed Alexa in his lap, cradling her head in his arm. He stroked her hair and face.

"Alexa? Alexa, can you hear me?" he asked her gently. There was no response. Her breathing was steady, but shallow. All Nathaniel could do was caress her cheek and occasionally say her name.

Anders watched Nathaniel in silence. He wished there was something he could do for either of them. All he could do was watch and wait.

There was no indication of how much time had passed before Alexa began to stir. Her eyelids fluttered and finally rested on Nathaniel's very concerned face. She smiled weakly at him.

"Nathaniel? What…where…" Alexa began as she tried to remember what had happened.

"Hush. You're safe," Nathaniel said.

Alexa closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Resting her head in Nathaniel's lap was comforting even if the stone floor beneath her body was not. As she lay there, the memories of capture and experimentation flooded her mind. She began to feel unclean. But she needed to push those feelings aside and figure a way for her and her companions to escape this prison.

Alexa opened her eyes and then sat-up. She gazed around the cell and saw her comrades. A look of relief seemed to flood their features at her movement.

"You're all right," Anders said. There was a bit of disbelief mixed with the obvious relief in his voice.

Alexa gazed at the mage. There was a pause before she answered; a pause not lost on Anders. "It appears so; but no need to worry about me. We must find a way to escape."

"I've looked around. It seems very secure," Nathaniel commented. "I was thinking I may be able to pick the lock."

"With what?" Alexa asked.

Nathaniel began to remove his greave to show her when they heard someone approach. They all looked up to see a female elf walking towards their cell.

"Seranni?" Velanna asked, as she recognized her sister. But it didn't look like her. There was something different.

"Velanna; I saw them bring you here. You must leave. It is not safe for you to stay; especially you Warden-Commander," Seranni commented as she looked at Alexa.

Alexa gazed at the elf and knew she was contaminated with the taint. But it seemed she hadn't been under its influence long enough to begin to lose her mind.

A panicked look crossed Nathaniel's features. "Is Alexa in danger?"

"The Architect is not finished with her," Seranni revealed.

Alexa felt a coldness in the pit of her stomach at the elf's words. "Have you come just to warn us?"

"And to give you this," Seranni replied, holding their cell key in her fingers. "Take it. Rest assured this is no trap. You must escape." Alexa took the key from her hand.

"You must come with us!" Velanna insisted.

Seranni gave a sad smile, "I cannot, Sister. But it will comfort me to know you have escaped…and have taken the Warden-Commander with you. I must return before he realizes I am gone. Your weapons are in his rooms. Take care."

"Seranni, wait!" Velanna cried.

Seranni turned to her sister. "Do not mourn for me. Return to our clan if you can Sister. If you cannot, live a good life…a fulfilling life…for me. I love you." Seranni turned and quickly walked away.

"Seranni!" Velanna yelled in vain.

Alexa approached the elf. "She has made her decision. Do not let her sacrifice be for naught."

Velanna gazed at Alexa and appeared as if she wished to tear her eyes out. Suddenly, her face fell and she dropped her head, nodding slightly.

Alexa slipped the key into the lock then turned. She heard a "click" and pushed on the cell door. It opened effortlessly.

"Quick, let's find our way out of here," Alexa said. The five of them exited their cell. She was about to lead them towards what appeared to be an exit, when she stopped and turned to Nathaniel. "From which direction was I brought?"

Nathaniel looked at her, puzzled. "That direction," he said pointing down a hall. "Why?"

"Stay here. I need to get The Architect's papers," she said.

Nathaniel grabbed her arm. "Are you mad? Who is The Architect? That creature that captured us? We need to escape now."

"I need his research. If I don't come back in a few minutes, you need to lead everyone to safety."

"I am not letting you go alone," Nathaniel insisted.

"That is an order," she said.

Nathaniel gazed at her, a mixture of emotions crossing his handsome face. "No," he said quietly, but forcefully. "You're too important to…to be left to the darkspawn. It is you they want. They shall not have you; not while I breathe," he vowed.

Alexa stared at Nathaniel. The raw emotion she had glimpsed on occasion was there, but more intense. It made her heart skip a beat. "Very well," she replied softly. "Anders, stay here. If we do not return, you are charged with leading everyone to safety. Do not come in search of us."

"Yes, Commander," Anders replied.

"At least someone knows how to follow an order," Alexa said with a smirk. "This way," Alexa said and began to walk down the hall towards The Architect's laboratory.

Alexa and Nathaniel stealthily made their way to The Architect's laboratory. They met no darkspawn on the way and easily gained admittance to the room. Alexa tried not to look at the table she had been bound to not long ago and began to search the long tables. Nathaniel walked to the table and gazed down upon it. He gently touched the leather restraint that was now open and saw fresh blood on it; Alexa's blood. A fury welled inside him as he thought of Alexa trapped here, at the mercy of the darkspawn. He would not allow it to ever happen again.

Meanwhile Alexa had found what she was searching for. Grabbing a discarded satchel, she placed the journals and papers in it and slung it over her shoulder. "Got it. Let's go," she told Nathaniel. He followed her out of the room. Halfway down the hall, he gently grabbed her arm.

"Alexa, are you sure you are all right?" he asked with great concern.

"I'm fine," she said, although she wasn't completely sure of that fact. "Thank you for insisting on coming with me."

Nathaniel caressed her cheek. "There is nothing I wouldn't do for you," he said.

"Except obey a command," she said smiling.

He smiled back. "You like it when I defy you; admit it. You enjoy someone who challenges you."

"Perhaps," she responded, "but it does weaken my position with the men."

Nathaniel smiled. "No, it doesn't. Anders and Oghren admire you greatly. They would lay down their lives for you."

"I do not wish for anyone to make such a sacrifice," she said solemnly, her face falling. "I cannot…I could not…bear…someone I care about…not again." A tear fell down her cheek at the thought. Nathaniel wiped it away. He stared into her beautiful face; her blue eyes and felt himself drawn to her. He gently placed his lips over hers. She did not resist. An eternity seemed to pass before she pulled away.

"We need to return to the others and escape," she remarked.

"Yes, Commander," he replied, smiling. She returned his smile and they headed back to the group.

There was obvious relief on their companions faces when Alexa and Nathaniel rejoined them. Together they fought their way out of the prison, encountering strange creatures and picking-up their lost equipment along the way. They finally battled their way towards the exit. Near the exit, Alexa found The Architect's rooms. They entered and she gazed around. They had found all of their missing equipment except her sword; King Maric's rune-encrusted sword. Seranni said The Architect had their weapons. Perhaps she had meant that the creature had her weapon. She hoped it was safe and intact.

They searched the room and Alexa came across more journals and writings. She did not take the time to review them, but placed them in the satchel with the others. She then went to a nearby chest and opened it. Laying inside were her sword and shield. She picked up the shield first and saw it was in good shape. She then retrieved her sword and pulled it from its scabbard. There appeared to be no damage to it. She attached the weapons to her back and they made their way towards the exit.

As they moved quickly through the door into a large room, they saw the exit at the opposite end. They began to run towards it when The Architect appeared before them, along with a female dwarf and Seranni. Both women had been contaminated with the taint.

"Leaving so soon, Commander?" The Architect said in that odd voice of his. "I had hoped you would remain my guest for a while longer. No matter. What I have from you is a good start. It will help me a great deal with my experiments. We will meet again, Commander. Sooner than you may think."

The Architect motioned to his companions to leave. He seemed to give a displeased look to Seranni, as if he knew she was to blame for their escape. She followed the dwarf.

"Seranni!" Velanna screamed. As they passed through the doorway, The Architect cast a spell and blocked their way so as not to be followed.

"Come," Alexa said to her.

"But my sister…"

"There is nothing we can do for her. We need to get out of here." Seeing that Velanna was not about to move, she grabbed the elf's arm and pulled her towards the exit. Velanna finally followed. The five of them exited the mines into the sunshine and fresh air of the Wending Woods.

Their horses were where they had left them. Although there was grass for them to eat, there was no fresh water nearby. The group lead their horses away from the mine entrance and towards a small brook. The horses gratefully drank the cool, clear water, as did their owners.

As they watered their horses, Velanna approached Alexa. "May I speak with you?" she asked.

Alexa nodded and waited for her to continue.

"I understand that Grey Wardens are trained to fight darkspawn," Velanna began awkwardly, "and that you need to bolster your numbers."

Alexa crossed her arms over her chest. She knew where this conversation was leading. "True."

Velanna took a deep breath. "I want to join the order. Make me a Grey Warden."

Alexa stared at her. She was still unsure if she could be trusted. "No," she said calmly.

A puzzled look crossed Velanna's face. It was quickly replaced with an angry one. "No? Because I am an elf?"

"No. I have no issue with you being an elf. I have an issue with you."

"With me? What issue?"

"You do not wish to join the Grey Wardens to help Ferelden. You wish to join the Grey Wardens to help only yourself."

"Not everyone who joins the Grey Wardens is so noble of purpose," she spat. "I do know something about your order."

"That's entirely true. Some Grey Wardens joined for selfish reasons; mostly for self-preservation. But they all had one thing in common; they were great warriors. Only the best; the finest; the talented are recruited."

"Are you saying I am not of that caliber?"

"I don't know. I didn't see much fighting from you as we escaped. You also seem to have a problem with loyalty and taking orders. How do I know you won't just abandon us when we need you most in order to search for your sister?"

"I…I won't," she stammered.

"I can't take that chance. The Wardens who came before were great men and women. I shall not besmirch their sacrifice and memory be recruiting someone who is not wholly behind our cause."

"But," Velanna began. Alexa held up her hand to silence her.

"I have made my decision. You are welcome to come with us back to Vigil's Keep and even join our fight. But until you can prove to me that you have what it takes to be a Grey Warden, my decision shall stand."

Alexa turned to the others. "If the horses are ready, shall we head back to The Vigil?" She looked at Velanna. "Are you coming?"

The elf looked as if she wanted to scratch Alexa's eyes out, but she nodded.

"Nathaniel, Velanna shall ride with you. Let's go home." Alexa mounted her horse and they rode towards Vigil's Keep.

They had ridden several hours and were out of the Wending Woods on the road to The Vigil. They came across a traveling merchant. Alexa asked if he was going to Amaranthine. He stated Amaranthine remained closed. He was thinking about traveling to Highever. Alexa told him that the Grey Wardens at Vigil's Keep could use a merchant. The man thought about it and nodded. She told him to ask for Varel and to tell him that the Warden-Commander sent him. The man thanked her and went on his way.

They journeyed for another hour before Alexa ordered them to stop. It was not yet time to set-up camp so this stop was unexpected. They rested the horses as well as took the opportunity to stretch their legs.

"Anders, may I see you? In private," Alexa asked.

The mage looked puzzled but went to Alexa. They walked a distance from the rest of the group. Nathaniel frowned at their actions.

"What can I do for you, Commander?"

"I didn't want the others to see this," she said and began to remove her gauntlets. Anders gasped at what he saw. Her wrists were raw and bleeding.

"Alexa," he said softly.

"It's from the leather restraints that were around my wrists. Some of this I remember doing; straining against the rough leather, trying to free myself. But to injure myself this greatly…I don't remember doing that."

"You might have involuntarily tightened against the restraints. Is it painful?"

"Very."

"How are you able to wear your gauntlets or were even able to hold a sword?"

"Determination. My ankles are the same; at least they feel the same. I was hoping you could do something for me."

"I believe I can. Let me get some salve out of my pack. I'll be right back," Anders said.

She stood there waiting for Anders to return. She felt someone approach her and, believing it was the mage, turned. It was not Anders but Nathaniel. She attempted to hide her hands, but he had caught a glimpse of her injuries. He reached around and gently pulled her arms into view. He gazed down upon her raw and bleeding wrists. A dark scowl marred his face.

"Did he do that to you?" Nathaniel growled.

"No…yes…well, it was the restraints," Alexa began.

"I saw the blood on them when we were in the laboratory. I didn't think it was this bad. You should have said something earlier. You must be in a great deal of pain."

Alexa smiled, "I am made of hearty stock, you know that."

"Cousland stubbornness?" There was no joking note in his tone.

Alexa stiffened. "I like to call it strength. Besides, Anders will treat it and it will be fine."

Nathaniel looked at her, then down at her injured wrists. The dark scowl deepened. He roughly pushed her hands away and stomped off, nearly knocking Anders down.

"I see Nathaniel is his usual cheerful self," Anders remarked. "Now let me tend those wounds," he said.

Anders gently cleaned and treated Alexa's injured wrists. Nathaniel watched from a distance, becoming more angry and annoyed at the tender care Anders was giving Alexa.

Anders wrapped Alexa's wrists in thin bandages. "How do you feel now?" he asked.

Alexa gingerly moved her wrists. "Much better. At least I should be able to wear my gauntlets without the pain of the steel rubbing against the rough linen."

"Shall I treat your ankles as well?"

Alexa shook her head. "That can wait until we return to The Vigil. Come; we've wasted enough time here."

They returned to the group. Alexa announced that they were ready to continue. They mounted their horses and rode towards Vigil's Keep.

Alexa, Nathaniel and Velanna were quiet during the ride. Only Oghren and Anders provided any break in the monotony. Nathaniel had made it a point to lead the party with Alexa behind him. When she tried to move to the front, Nathaniel would not allow it. She finally gave up and settled in the middle. She watched Nathaniel from her vantage point. He still seemed in a foul mood. She wasn't exactly sure why. Back in the mines, his manner had been quite the opposite. She remembered their kiss. It was very pleasant and although she didn't have the strong desire to pull away as she had when he first kissed her, she still felt wrong. Well, wrong was mixed in there with lust and desire, if she was to be truthful with herself. Lately, in unguarded moments, her mind would drift to more pleasant thoughts and invariably it was Nathaniel's face she would see. She always scolded herself, feeling as if she were betraying Alistair; having thoughts of another man. Sometimes their faces would meld into each other's and she couldn't tell if she was gazing upon Alistair or Nathaniel. She still loved Alistair; she knew it for her heart still ached for him. But recently, it was more than her heart aching; it was her body. And her body, knowing Alistair was dead, wanted the warm embrace of Nathaniel.

"I see our friend is still in a terrible mood," Anders commented as he rode alongside Alexa.

"He hadn't been until…until he saw my injuries."

"Ahh, well that explains it," Anders replied.

"How?" Alexa asked.

"You really can't figure it out?" he asked.

"I guess not," she replied.

"I think he blames himself for what happened to you; that he wasn't there to protect you."

"No one is to blame for my situation but myself. I should have been more cautious…for all of us."

"Well, that's what a logical mind may think, but not one of a man in love."

"In love…" Alexa began. "You must be mistaken."

"No…oh no. Not after the display I saw in our cell."

"Display? What display?"

"When we all awoke and realized you weren't with us, we all became worried. Nathaniel, however, became frantic. He was angry and fearful and frustrated. He began to pace around the cell like some caged animal. If he could have pried open the bars with his bare hands to get out and find you, he would have done it. And then when they delivered you, unconscious…they pushed you into the cell. Nathaniel caught you and he never let you go. He cradled your head in his lap, caressed your hair and face and kept calling your name softly. I've never seen a man so sick with worry. It wasn't until you awoke that he became something of himself again. I don't think he would have acted that way if it was one of us that was missing."

"Yeah," Oghren chimed in. "His temper reminded me of Arl Howe."

"Nathaniel does have his father's temper," Alexa conceded. "Thank you for telling me."

"Anytime, Commander," Anders replied with a grin. He let Alexa ride ahead of him so she could think.

The group finally arrived at Vigil's Keep without further incident. They were all exhausted from their ordeal. The merchant had arrived and was setting-up shop when Alexa rode past. He nodded to her and continued displaying his wares. The party stopped their horses in front of the entrance to the Great Hall and dismounted. Stable hands came to tend to their horses. Alexa dismissed the party. She called Voldrik to her and told him of the granite in the Wending Woods and that she would send a group of men to collect what he needed to rebuild The Vigil. Voldrik was very pleased at the news. She then went to Varel and gave him a full accounting, as well as ask him to find a suitable room for Velanna. Since she was not a Grey Warden, it would not be appropriate for her to bunk in the barracks. Varel told her it would be done. She then said she was going to her room for some much needed rest.

As she passed the barracks, she called to Anders to come to her rooms. He did so, bringing his healing salve and kit. She sat on her bed and let out a heavy sigh. She was about to bend down to remove her leggings when Anders entered.

"Here, let me help you," he said and knelt before her, removing her armor. Alexa was grateful for the assistance and allowed him to tend to her. Anders made some smart remark that made her laugh. His gentle hands on her wounded legs felt good. She had left her door open and Nathaniel passed by. He stopped to watch what appeared to his jealous mind to be a very intimate scene with Anders' hands on Alexa's leg. He saw the ease with which the two of them conversed and wished it was he kneeling in front of Alexa instead of Anders. Nathaniel scowled and decided to go for a walk. He did not wish to be in the company of the mage when he returned to the barracks from Alexa's room.

Meanwhile, Anders finished tending to Alexa. She thanked him and then escorted him out. Once he had left, she stripped the rest of the armor from her tired body, splashed water on herself and then climbed into bed, hoping that the nightmares that haunted her would be kept at bay for at least a few precious hours before the new day would arrive to bring her the next mounting crisis.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Alexa had been granted her few precious hours of sleep, but no more. Her dreams were haunted with new images; images from her capture. What she could not remember her mind filled in and the visions were terrifying. She awoke in a cold sweat wondering what The Architect had done to her. He had taken her blood; he had admitted as much. But what else had he done? She would never feel easy until she discovered for certain whether he had altered her in some fashion. And she knew there was only one person who could provide her with answers.

Alexa rose and dressed, then left a note for Varel telling him of her journey. She also left orders for her men to stay at The Vigil. They were to train or assist in any capacity determined by the Seneschal. Once everything was in order, she went to the stables and retrieved a fresh horse then left Vigil's Keep for the ride to Soldier's Peak.

Alexa rode west towards Highever. Soldier's Peak was a fortress high in the mountains that she and her companions had reclaimed for the Grey Wardens during the recent Blight. It had become a training camp for new Grey Warden recruits and was now more vital with the condition of Vigil's Keep. Its general location was known, but the specific path used to gain access to The Peak was known only to the Grey Wardens, as a precaution. The history of Soldier's Peak that she had learned required that its location remain secret from the general populace and nobles, especially the Crown. Some may consider that action treasonous and a reason not to trust the Grey Wardens, but she thought the action prudent. If it gave more ammunition to their enemies, so be it. They would find any excuse to usurp the Grey Wardens no matter what.

During the trip she came across a few of her soldiers and inquired of the surrounding lands. They had run into several darkspawn groups, but nothing they couldn't handle. She told them of the good job they were doing and encouraged them to keep up the good work. They beamed at the praise from the Warden-Commander and continued with their duties.

As she traveled towards Soldier's Peak, she came across a few darkspawn stragglers which she dispatched easily. She had left The Vigil early enough before dawn that she arrived at Soldier's Peak late in the evening. She took the hidden passageway to the gate entrance. As she appeared, the guards noticed her and began to send a patrol to see who she was. When they recognized the armor, the patrol saluted her and escorted her to the Commander who was surprised by her late night visit, to say the least.

"Warden-Commander," Commander Harrison said, formally greeting her. "This is a surprise and honor."

"At ease, Commander. I am actually here on personal business," Alexa told him. "Is Avernus still here?"

Commander Harrison hid his surprise well. "Yes, he is. He is still in his tower. He never leaves it."

"I saw the light when I arrived. I shall go and see him directly," Alexa remarked. She would not be able to sleep until Avernus examined her.

"Of course, Warden-Commander," Commander Harrison said and saluted. Alexa returned the salute and headed for the mage's tower.

Snow had begun to fall as she made her way towards Avernus' tower. The rampart she had to cross to gain access was slippery, but that was the only hazard, unlike her previous visit where traps and undead blocked her path. She entered the tower, climbed the stairs and passed through the few rooms to the main hall. She did not knock, but opened the door and walked into the large room.

Avernus was standing at his table, surrounded by his laboratory equipment, books and papers. For a moment, Alexa thought how similar his actions were to The Architect. The observation made her shiver. She began to approach him. The mage looked exactly as he did when she saw him nearly a year ago. Avernus stopped his work and came forward to greet her.

"Warden-Commander," he said, not surprised by her late-night visit.

"Hello Avernus. Still busy experimenting I see."

"Yes, but it is slow progress. If only you would allow me…"

"No. The only reason you still live is because of your humane experimentation."

"But there are so many Grey Wardens here now," he moaned.

"Avernus."

The old mage sighed. "Yes, I know. Well, you must want something from me to come unannounced this late in the night."

"I was recently a captive of the darkspawn; a talking darkspawn who goes by the name of The Architect. He…performed experiments on me. He said my blood had a…unique trait. I need to know if he…did anything to me."

At her tale Avernus perked up. He was very excited at her visit now. "Took your blood, did he? What else did he do?"

"I…I don't know. I was unconscious during his…experimentations. That's why I need to know…"she could not finish the thought.

"Unconscious? Well now, that's a thought…" the old mage began.

"That was not a suggestion for you, Avernus."

"Did he say why ne needed your blood?"

"It wasn't just my blood. It was the blood of Grey Wardens. But he said mine was…special." She removed the satchel from her shoulder and tossed it on the table. "These are his journals and papers. If there is anyone who could interpret them I believe it is you. Perhaps there is something in them that will tell us what he was doing and why."

Avernus' eyes gleamed as the papers slid from the satchel onto his table. He walked over to them and began to browse through them. His face lit up as he saw their contents. "This is fascinating," he began.

"You will have months to look through them; they are yours. But right now, I need to know about me."

Avernus pulled his eyes from the journals and stared at Alexa. He usually did not possess compassion, but he did hear the urgency in her voice. "I will need to take a sample of your blood," he said. "And I can scan your body to see if there are any…anomalies. Do you feel any different?"

"No. Just anxious."

"Stand still," Avernus ordered. He approached her and stood very close. He rubbed his hands together and then placed them a few inches from her body starting at the top of her head. He then began to follow her form down and walked slowly around her. She could feel the warmth from his hands surround her body.

"Well, I don't detect anything different about you," Avernus said. There was a bit of disappointment in his voice. There was an audible sigh of relief from Alexa and she realized at that moment she had been holding her breath.

"Now let me take some blood," he said. He took a small blade and sterilized it over a flame, then brought it over to her. He took her hand by the wrist. Alexa winced as her wounds from being bound were still healing. Avernus seemed not to notice her pain and taking the blade made a deep wound on her left palm. He heard her intake of breath. Her blood; dark and red, began to bubble to the surface where he was able to take several samples. He then placed a piece of clean linen over the wound and held her hand between his. She felt warmth and a little pain. When he released her hand, he removed the bloody strip of linen to reveal the wound closed without a trace of it ever being there. Alexa flexed her hand. It was as good as new.

"It will take me a day or so to examine this," he told her. "Come back tomorrow evening. I should have something to tell you by then." Avernus then turned back to his work table and began to sift through the papers Alexa gave him. She was being dismissed.

Alexa watched Avernus for a few moments, but the mage was in his own world. She left him to his work and returned to Commander Harrison.

She found Commander Harrison and he took her to the Main Hall which had been converted into a mess hall with tables and benches. There was still a roaring fire in the large fireplace at the head of the room. He asked if she had eaten. She confessed she had not. Commander Harrison ordered the kitchen to prepare a light meal for them. As they walked towards the front of the hall to sit before the fireplace, Alexa looked around. There were large portraits of Grey Wardens who had made the ultimate sacrifice. They were two-thirds of the way into the hall when Alexa stopped short. To the right of the fireplace was a large portrait of Alistair looking very handsome and regal in his armor. The Commander fell silent when he saw Alexa's stunned face. He followed her gaze.

"Ah, yes. The portrait of…"

"Alistair," she breathed. "How did you get that?"

"It was a gift from the former Arl of Redcliff. He had the painting commissioned and then gave it to the Grey Wardens. It seemed appropriate to hang it here, since he helped us regain Soldier's Peak as well as the sacrifice he made along with the others whose portraits hang in this hall."

As Alexa stared at the painting, every old emotion she had relating to Alistair came forth. She had thought that perhaps she was ready to move on. Seeing his likeness proved she was not. All her feelings of love, sadness, regret and loss coursed through her and nearly overwhelmed her. She could feel her knees begin to buckle. She quickly moved to take a seat, purposely turning her back on Alistair's portrait.

"Warden-Commander? Are you all right?" Commander Harrison asked.

Alexa took a deep breath and pushed down her feelings. Being addressed by her title helped her remember her duty. "Yes, thank you. That painting was just a…surprise."

Commander Harrison could just nod. He knew, as did everyone, of Alistair's and Alexa's relationship. He was at a loss for words.

"So Commander, tell me of the happenings here at The Peak. How goes the recruitment and training?" Alexa asked. A very relieved Commander began to tell her what she wanted to know. Food was soon served to them and they continued to eat and talk. Alexa appeared to be paying attention and made the correct responses, but her mind was whirling. Once they finished dining, Alexa told the Commander she was exhausted from her trip. He rose and apologized for keeping her up so late. He then escorted her to her room and bid her a good-night. Once alone, Alexa collapsed on the bed, the tears that had been building up within her finally released. She cried until she fell asleep.

Only a few hours had passed when Alexa's dreams woke her; old dreams of Alistair and their intimate time together. She realized she was still in her armor. She rose and left her room, wandering down the hallways towards the mess hall. There was still a good size fire in the fireplace. She went to stand before Alistair's portrait and gazed upon his likeness. Every feeling she had about him; about them; returned. She needed to sit before she collapsed onto the floor. Alexa took a seat on a bench where she could stare at Alistair's painting.

The artist had captured Alistair's likeness very well, including the boyish twinkle in his eye. The painting reminded her more of a formal portrait of royalty than one of a Grey Warden. In the background was the palace in Denerim and Fort Drakon with a dying Archdemon between them. The artist had placed Alistair in Cailan's armor which he had been wearing during the Battle of Denerim; the armor he was buried in.

Alexa gazed at the portrait and felt the tears welling in her eyes. The love and loss she felt began to fill her soul. The feelings of letting him down and not wanting to be without him resurfaced. She began to have survivor's remorse again, but it seemed worse than before as if time did not make it any better. She felt a fraud; a phony as she had when Anora bestowed the title of Hero of Ferelden upon her. She had accomplished nothing with her life. The sacrifice Alistair had made had been wasted on her. Ferelden received a second chance and it was taking it, the nation becoming stronger and a force in Thedas. She, on the other hand, was able to do nothing. She could barely keep the darkspawn at bay in the Arling of Amaranthine. It proved to her that she and Alistair together were a formidable force; alone, she was nothing. Thoughts of her own demise came back to her. Death seemed to be a welcome release from the pain that came flooding back over her. Once she finished her responsibilities in Amaranthine, she would resign her position as Warden-Commander and return to The Deep Roads to finish what she began. Unless of course death somehow claimed her before she could finish her duties. A part of her hoped that would be so.

She closed her eyes and let the tears flow down her cheeks unchecked. There was no sobbing, just silence as she sat and cried. A small part of her hoped to feel a reassuring hand on her shoulder. There was none.

"I miss you, Alistair," Alexa whispered. "I love you."

"And I love you. Always," she heard him reply.

Alexa opened her eyes and sighed heavily. She gazed at Alistair's portrait, then rose and returned to her room. She could not sleep and sat in a chair, gazing out her window. Soon her eyes grew heavy and she fell asleep.

Meanwhile, Varel found Alexa's note and instructions and informed her Grey Wardens of their orders. Anders and Oghren took it in stride. Nathaniel, however, did not.

"Seneschal, where did Alexa go?" Nathaniel asked, chasing after the man once he left their barracks.

"You mean, the Commander?" Varel replied in an authoritative tone.

Nathaniel frowned. "Very well; yes."

"Personal business," Varel told him.

The only personal business Nathaniel could think of was Highever and her family. "Did she return to Highever? Is Fergus okay?" he asked with concern.

"Her family is fine as far as I know and she did not journey to Highever."

"Then where…" Nathaniel began, puzzled.

"If she wanted you to know, I'm sure the Commander would have told you, ser," Varel remarked pointedly. He saw the look of concern in Nathaniel's eyes and sighed. "Nathaniel," Varel began in a more friendly tone, "I'm sure Alexa is fine. She had something she needed to do. She is planning to return in a day or two, so she could not have traveled too far."

Nathaniel stared at him. "You don't know where she is?"

"I know where she is, but I don't know why she is there. I'm sure it must be important though. You know how eager she is to find Kristoff and is annoyed at any delay."

"True," Nathaniel conceded. "I will then try to wait patiently for her return."

"In the meantime, I could use your help in training the soldiers in archery. It is a skill they lack."

"I shall be happy to do so. The soldiers will need to be able to defend The Vigil in case of another attack."

Varel slapped Nathaniel on the back. "Good man. I will leave you to it," he said and went about his duties.

Nathaniel watched the man go, then went to round-up the soldiers for an afternoon of target practice.

Alexa spent the day at Soldier's Peak observing the men and their operations. There was an excitement at her presence and a desire to demonstrate their readiness to the Warden-Commander. She was glad for the distraction from her thoughts about Alistair and Avernus. When evening fell, she excused herself from supper and went to see Avernus. He was waiting for her.

"Warden-Commander, I am glad to see you so punctual."

"Have you discovered anything Avernus?"

"There is something in your blood; something familiar to me…" he began.

A puzzled look crossed Alexa's face, then she remembered to what Avernus may be referring. "The last time I was here, I drank your alchemical concoction."

"And released the power of the darkspawn taint in your blood," Avernus said. "That must be what this creature found," he remarked, although he wasn't entirely convinced of that fact.

Alexa, relieved at finding an answer, did not hear the slight doubt in Avernus' voice. "Have you learned anything from reading his papers?"

"This creature uses Grey Warden blood in the same way we use darkspawn tainted blood; for a ritual similar to our Joining."

"For what purpose?"

"To harness the power the Grey Wardens have against an Archdemon's call."

Alexa looked puzzled. "But we don't; not exactly."

"But Grey Wardens do not go searching for the Old Gods to release them and start a Blight. It is that ability, along with the ability to think, reason and have a will of your own that this Architect wishes to harness for his people."

"He's looking for a way to stop the Blights? Why? What could he possibly gain by it?"

"That I do not know, but it seems he is looking to combine the best traits of man and darkspawn."

"Combine? In one creature?"

"He is not specific in his writings," Avernus confessed.

"But this Architect and his new race; they are a threat as they need no Archdemon to lead them. They could attack us whenever they wish." Alexa commented.

"Probably," Avernus concurred.

"And your previous experimentations; it was looking to garner the power inherent in darkspawn-tainted blood?"

"Yes," Avernus replied, his eyes twinkling. "There is so much power in that blood. We have only begun to scratch the surface."

Alexa thought about the possibilities and the consequences. Grey Wardens did whatever it took to defeat a Blight; whatever it took. "Avernus, you have my blood. I will see if there are any other volunteers here at Soldier's Peak who will donate their blood to you; but only their blood."

"I will need to test…" Avernus began.

"Yes, I have thought about that. I shall write to The First Warden and tell him of your research and of the threat The Architect and his kind pose. I shall then tell him of your need for…test subjects...and ask that those Grey Wardens nearing their Calling be given a choice; to come to you or to go to The Deep Roads as is tradition. Will that suffice?"

Avernus was almost speechless. "It will, Warden-Commander."

"Then I shall write the letter and have it delivered by a Grey Warden before I leave. Thank you, Avernus, for your assistance."

"Thank you, Warden-Commander. I shall continue my research for the good of all Grey Wardens and Thedas," he vowed.

"I hope so, Avernus. I hope so," Alexa replied solemnly. She then went to her room to write her letter to The First Warden.

Thirty minutes later, Alexa had completed her task and went looking for Commander Harrison. She told him of Avernus' need for volunteers and asked for her letter to be delivered as soon as possible to The First Warden. She requested his most trusted Grey Warden to complete the task. He said it would be done as she ordered. Alexa then thanked the Commander for his hospitality, praised his work and that of the Grey Wardens, then went to her waiting horse that she called for a half-hour ago. She climbed into the saddle and began traveling towards Vigil's Keep.

Alexa encountered few darkspawn on the road and dispatched them easily. She pushed her horse so that she arrived at Vigil's Keep around mid-morning. She needed to take a quick rest, then gather her companions so that they could finally head towards the Blackmarsh and find Kristoff. As she was greeted by Varel, she saw Oghren, Anders and Velanna. She walked over to them.

"Be prepared to leave after lunch for the Blackmarsh. Velanna, it is your decision whether you wish to join us or not. Where is Nathaniel?"

The three of them looked around, at the sky and at the ground; anywhere but into Alexa's eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Where is he?" she asked with little patience. "Anders?"

"Funny story; you know how much Nathaniel likes to take orders," Anders began.

"Just tell me."

"He's not here," Oghren said. "Got some package and then rode off yesterday afternoon. Haven't seen or heard from him since."

"Package? From Delilah perhaps? Did he say what it was or where he was going?"

"I saw the package was letters. He read only a few before that dark scowl crossed his face as it usually does. He then ran to the stables and mounted his horse, then rode out of here quickly. He didn't tell anyone where he was going," Anders said.

He saw that the more he talked, the angrier Alexa became. Fortunately that anger wasn't directed at him.

"I guess we will need to wait for his return then," she replied in a low and calm voice; a voice that was too calm and Anders knew she was furious.

He watched her storm into the keep. He was very happy he was not the one in trouble and began to feel sorry for Nathaniel who would catch the full brunt of her wrath when he returned. The three of them went about their own business and made sure to be scarce when Nathaniel would eventually return.

Evening arrived and a storm was brewing, but it could barely match the rage that Alexa felt at Nathaniel's absence. How dare he disobey her again! Also, what if he were in trouble? Where would they begin to look if he didn't return soon? She didn't need to be concerned about the last items as one of the guards came to inform her that Nathaniel had just entered the gates to The Vigil. She jumped to her feet and walked quickly to the stables meaning to confront Nathaniel before he could get inside the keep. As she walked, the clouds opened up and the storm began in earnest. Lightning flashed in the sky and torrents of cold rain began to fall. She didn't care and purposefully strode to the stables. Every soldier and guard that crossed her path quickly scurried away. They saw her anger and did not want to be in its path when it was released.

The rain came down so heavy that Nathaniel was soaked by the time he reached the stables to tend to his horse. He handed the reins to a stable boy and then walked out of the stables towards The Vigil's main entrance. He was standing in the middle of the courtyard when he saw a small figure approaching him. The angry strides were evident and it could only be one person. He waited for her.

Alexa was thoroughly drenched by the time she reached Nathaniel. Her hair which was hanging loose was dripping wet; her clothes clung to her body and her boots were covered in mud. Nathaniel couldn't see much of her except her silhouetted figure as she approached and he felt a stirring in his loins at her image. It was quickly replaced when Alexa came up to him and with both hands on his chest, pushed him backwards.

"Just where in the hells have you been?" she yelled at him. Her actions caught Nathaniel off-guard and he took a few steps back.

"Taking care of your would-be assassins. You need not worry about them any longer," he replied. He was waiting for her response. When there was none, he responded sarcastically, "You're welcome." He tried to walk away, but she wouldn't allow him. She grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"I told you not to do anything about that. It wasn't a priority."

"While you were gone, Ser Tamra's letters were delivered. I received them, looked at them and then went to confront the conspirators. I figured with everything else you needed to contend with, an assassination was the last thing you should be worried about."

"Maker's Breath, do you never listen to an order I give?"

"I didn't know that was an order…Commander," he replied indignantly.

"I meant not leave The Vigil. But you still decided to go against my wishes on the other as well. I didn't care if there was an assassination plot against me. Many people have tried to kill me. They have unfortunately failed. What is one more attempt upon my life? I looked forward to them trying to succeed. But you decided to take matters into your own hands without even consulting me; not thinking of the consequences if something happened to you." The anger in her tone was evident.

Lightning flashed as she spoke. Nathaniel watched her, not comprehending her words at first. Their meaning suddenly dawned on him.

"Wait. Are you telling me that you wanted them to make the attempt? That you wanted them to succeed? That you want to die?" he asked incredulously.

Alexa stared at him, now at a loss for words. The rain came down harder. "We are done here," she said finally and began to walk away. Now it was Nathaniel who grabbed her and stopped her movement.

"No, we are not. Tell me. Do you wish to die?" He took both arms into his hands and shook her. "Do you want to die? Tell me!"

She stared at him. "It is an option," she said quietly.

"Is that why you made me a Grey Warden? Because you thought…you hoped…that I would attempt to kill you?"

"No," she said weakly, the lie obvious.

Now it was Nathaniel's turn to be angry. "Is your life worth so little to you that you would throw it away?"

"There is nothing for me," she began.

"Alexa, how can you be so blind? Look at what is in front of you!"

"Being a Grey Warden isn't enough…"

"Not the Grey Wardens damn it. Me. I love you, Alexa. I have loved you since we were children. It was my love for you that stayed my hand against you when I held vengeance in my heart. It was my love for you that I became a Grey Warden. Your Right of Conscription couldn't have held me if I didn't wish it. It is my love for you that I remain at your side. And it is my love for you that made me vow to protect you and never let any harm befall you. Ever. I'm not sure how much more clearly I can make it for you; except perhaps, this."

Nathaniel pulled Alexa close to his body and kissed her. It was no gentle kiss, but one filled with hunger and passion; a kiss that would take no resistance. He moved to wrap his arms about her body, feeling every curve through her soaked clothing. His hand moved to touch her long, wet hair; cradle her head in his palm. Alexa returned his kiss with equal passion and hunger, pressing her body close to his, wanting to become one with him; feeling his desire for her as she leaned against him. The rain came down harder and the lightning flashed brighter but neither of them cared. All they felt was one another and the heat of their passion.

Nathaniel moved his lips across her cheek and down her throat, kissing her. "Oh, Alexa," he moaned.

"Alistair," she whispered with eyes closed.

Nathaniel stopped and pulled back. Alexa opened her eyes and stared into his face. A look of confusion crossed her features. "Nathaniel," she began when she recognized him, "I…"

"You're not ready," he replied sadly. "Until you can put the past behind you, you are dead." He released her and walked away towards the keep.

Alexa just stood there, unable to move. She was confused and saddened about everything that had just happened. Her heart began to ache but she was unsure if it was for Alistair or for Nathaniel. She turned her face skyward, her tears mixing with the rain and let out a heart-wrenching sob. She then fell to her knees, hanging her head, her wet hair hiding her tormented face and sobbed, not caring about the storm whipping around her or who may be a witness to her fragile emotions.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Alexa knelt there in the rain and mud, shivering, the lightning flashing all around her. She was exhausted. Her strength had left her. She didn't even have the energy to lift herself and get out of the rain. But she didn't care. She wished the earth would open up and swallow her. She had no idea how long she knelt in the cold rain, but she was soaked to the bone. Suddenly, a cloak was thrown around her shoulders. The warmth of the folds felt good. A hand was presented to her. She took it and rose, but she was unsteady on her feet. She swayed a little and before she could go down, gentle hands caught her. She leaned against the figure, trying to regain her composure. The figure swung her into strong arms and carried Alexa to her chambers. She leaned her head against the figure's chest and closed her eyes. Soon she was deposited in her own bed. The figure leaned down and bestowed a kiss upon her forehead. She heard the person move towards the door. Alexa opened her eyes to catch a glimpse of mages robes before the figure exited her room. She closed her eyes and was soon asleep.

Alexa woke just as dawn was breaking. She had slept in her wet clothes all night with the cloak her only source of warmth. She threw off the cloak and immediately went into a shivering fit. She attempted to rebuild the fire in the hearth, but was unsuccessful. Ignoring the cold, she stripped out of her wet clothing and into her Warden-Commander armor. Today they would travel to the Blackmarsh and finally begin their search for Kristoff.

It seemed to take Alexa a long time to dress herself, but she managed it and put her hair up, secured her sword and shield across her back, grabbed her helmet and headed towards the barracks to awaken her Grey Wardens. As she approached the barracks she was surprised to see the door wide open and all of them up and dressed.

"Good, you're up I see. We are going to the Blackmarsh today," she announced. "If you all are ready?"

"Yes, Commander," Oghren and Anders replied, saluting. Nathaniel said nothing. They walked towards the Main Hall and were greeted by Varel and Captain Garevel.

"Commander," Varel greeted her. "I'm afraid I have some news for you that requires your immediate attention."

Alexa smiled, "Of course you do. What is it?"

"Two hunters came by The Vigil while you were away. They reported they stumbled upon a cave full of darkspawn in the Knotwood Hills. There is a chasm that leads into the cave," Captain Garevel told her.

"The darkspawn horde does take precedence," Alexa commented. "Very well; we shall head to the Knotwood Hills and check out this cave."

"I'm coming with you," they heard from behind them. Velanna appeared, ready for battle.

Alexa looked her up and down. She thought it may be a mistake, but the extra blade could be useful. "Fine. Let's get you a horse and be off."

Alexa led her group to the stables where their horses were waiting. She called for another horse to be saddled for Velanna, then they set off for the Knotwood Hills.

Anders and Oghren began their banter almost immediately and Alexa was thankful to hear it. Both Nathaniel and Velanna remained silent. Although the day was bright and warm, Alexa could not stop shivering beneath her armor. She was cold to the bone. Occasionally the road swam before her eyes, but she would blink and her surroundings would come into focus. Nathaniel seemed hell-bent on leading them to the Knotwood Hills and Alexa had no qualms with him doing so. She held her horse back and rode alongside Anders and Oghren.

"Anders, I just want to thank you for…last night."

Anders smiled at her. "I have no idea what you mean, Commander."

Alexa returned the smile. "Yes, you do. I appreciate your kindness."

"You're quite welcome," he replied.

Alexa rode ahead of him and Oghren gazed at the mage.

"Soooo, you and the Warden-Commander," he began.

"It's not like that," Anders said.

"You got the hots for her?"

"No, of course not," but he couldn't stop a blush from coloring his cheeks.

Oghren saw his reaction. "Ha! You do! Mind you, she is a looker."

"Oghren! That's our Commander you speak of. Besides, her interests lay elsewhere."

"Disappointed?"

"Not in the least. I am someone that craves his freedom," Anders replied.

"Yeah; that's why you joined the Grey Wardens. For the freedom."

"Being a Grey Warden has given me freedom from The Circle."

"I suppose that's true," Oghren conceded.

"Anyway, I'm not the relationship kind," Anders said.

"Who said anything about a relationship? I just meant…"

"I know what you meant," Anders replied, cutting him off.

"Eh, you do?"

"I lived in The Circle Tower, not a monastery," Anders said.

"So you did more than spit-shine the old sword?"

"What?"

"Did ya grease the bronto? Ride the rapids? Crush the velvet hat?"

"Do you even know what you're talking about?"

"Hee-hee, yup, but do you?"

"Unfortunately, yes, but this conversation is done."

"Well, let me know if you ever want some pointers, in case you and the Warden-Commander…"

"Yeah, you'll be the first one I call."

"See that you do."

"If I pushed you off this horse right now, would anyone miss you?"

"You would, Sparkle-fingers."

Anders said nothing, but the silly dwarf was probably right. He decided to concentrate on the road ahead.

A couple of hours later they arrived at the Knotwood Hills and easily found the chasm described by the two hunters. The group dismounted and tied their horses to nearby trees then went into the chasm on foot.

They made it easily into the chasm and began to look around when in the distance they saw a small group of darkspawn, three or four, dragging something behind them. Whatever it was, it was kicking and screaming. Alexa and her comrades charged at the retreating darkspawn. At their attack, the darkspawn released their prey which scurried out of the way. In a few moments, the darkspawn lay dead. Alexa turned to the darkspawn's near trophy and saw it was a female dwarf. She gave the dwarf her hand.

"Are you okay?" Alexa asked her.

The dwarf took her hand and rose, brushing off the dust and dirt. "Yeah, thanks."

It was then that Alexa noticed the dwarf was wearing the Legion of the Dead armor; armor that was very familiar to her. "You're a member of the Legion of the Dead," Alexa observed.

The dwarf looked at her with surprise. "I am. How did you know?"

"I've fought alongside them in the Deep Roads. I'm Alexa."

"Sigrun," the dwarf said introducing herself. "I was here with my squad to try and remove the darkspawn army amassing in Kal' Hirol. We were overwhelmed. I am the only one left."

"We had been told of a large number of darkspawn here and came to eradicate them."

"You went looking for darkspawn? Are you crazy?"

"No, we're Grey Wardens."

"Those two things aren't mutually exclusive," Sigrun smiled. "Well, I'd like to accompany you, if you don't mind."

"Not at all, if you feel you are up to it."

"Yeah, just had the wind knocked out of me."

"We welcome your blade. This is Nathaniel, Anders, Oghren and Velanna."

Oghren immediately walked over to Sigrun. "So, my spicy kumquat, joining us on our little quest?"

"Ugh. Look, you stay on that side of the group and I'll stay on this side and we'll get along just fine."

"So you can get a better look at this hot package."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"I get that a lot."

"Sigrun, what can you tell me about Kal'Hirol?" Alexa asked saving Sigrun from any more of Oghren's come-ons.

"It was a fortress and the center of learning for the smith caste. Paragon Hirol developed his famous improvements to golem resilience and power there. How the fortress fell is unknown."

"A fortress; which means gaining entrance could be…difficult."

"To say the least," Sigrun remarked.

"Well, let's go kill some darkspawn," Alexa said, smiling.

The group climbed down and found themselves a few hundred yards from the main fortress. As they moved forward, they were attacked by a small cadre of darkspawn which they easily cut down. They continued onward and found a wounded legionnaire crawling towards the entrance. Sigrun recognized her fellow companion.

"Jukka!" she cried and ran towards the dwarf.

"Sigrun…you're alive."

"Thanks to these Grey Wardens."

"Grey Wardens? Thank the ancestors you came. Darkspawn…an army of them." Jukka fell into a coughing fit, blood spewing from his mouth. Alexa looked to Anders to see if the dwarf could be saved. Anders shook his head slowly.

"We'll take care of them Jukka. Save your strength." Sigrun told him.

"Too late…too late for me." He began coughing again. "Broodmothers…you must destroy…"

"We will. You have my word," Alexa vowed to the dwarf.

Jukka barely nodded. He looked at Sigrun and tried to give her a smile, but the effort was too much. He collapsed and died. Sigrun just stared at him. She knew this was what being one of the Legion of the Dead was all about, but she could never get used to it.

"Atrast tunsha. Totarnia amgetol tavash aeduc," Sigrun said. "Let's go."

Close to the fortress entrance, they ran into more darkspawn which they dispatched quickly. They were now free to enter the fortress. Upon entering, they heard a chattering sound and saw cocoons lying around the main courtyard. But these cocoons were not spider cocoons. As they moved forward, the cocoons burst open and grub-like creatures emerged. The creatures scurried toward them and immediately attacked. These darkspawn were unlike anything Alexa had ever encountered and they were more difficult to kill.

As they were making headway among the grub-like creatures, there was another group of darkspawn with spindly legs sticking out of their grub bodies that came out of the shadows to join in the battle. Although it seemed like hours, Alexa and her companions soon got the upper-hand against these new darkspawn and finally won, killing all in the courtyard. They took a few minutes to catch their collective breath and wipe the sweat from their brow. Alexa, it seemed, was sweating more profusely than the others.

"What in the hells was that?" Oghren exclaimed echoing everyone's thoughts.

"Those are darkspawn. The army the broodmothers are creating," Sigrun said.

"I've never…never seen such darkspawn," Alexa replied. It was taking a bit longer for her to regain her composure. Anders and Nathaniel stared intently at her. "If they're not destroyed, they could easily overrun the countryside."

"Yes. That's why the Legion was sent here."

"We need to enter the thaig and destroy everything inside quickly," Alexa remarked. She started moving towards the stairs to the main entrance.

"Not that way," Sigrun said. "We tried to enter through that door and we were slaughtered."

"I don't see any bodies," Anders remarked. "Was this battle recent?"

"Very," Sigrun replied.

"Did those creatures…"Nathaniel began, not wanting to finish his thought.

"So how do we get in?" Alexa asked.

"There should be a secret entrance into the fortress; a side entrance. Look for something that resembles a hidden door," Sigrun said. They began to look for the hidden entrance.

Nearly fifteen minutes later, Velanna called out, "Over here." The group gathered around her. Sigrun examined the place on the wall where Velanna pointed.

"Yup, that's it. The mechanism should be here somewhere," she said and began to feel around. Suddenly the entrance popped open. "That wasn't too hard," she said and began to enter.

"Allow me," Alexa said.

She entered the side room and found it devoid of enemies. There was a door to her right that looked as if it would lead to the fortress. She opened the door and passed through to find golems and darkspawn. The noise from their collective armor alerted their enemies to their presence. The darkspawn turned to see Alexa and her companions coming towards them and began to attack. Alexa's group ran forward to meet the enemy, each slashing and hacking at the darkspawn and the golems. Alexa seemed to be moving a bit slower than the others and her weapon felt heavier in her hand than normal. There were a couple of moments where she was in a direct line for a critical blow by a Hurlock, but Anders was able to fire arcane bolts at the creatures, knocking them off balance so Alexa could strike the kill shot. Halfway through the fight, Alexa leaned against a wall to catch her breath and regain her strength. Anders saw her and made sure to cover her through the rest of the battle. The fight happened quickly and soon the darkspawn and golems lay dead. Anders approached Alexa.

"Are you okay?" he asked her with great concern.

"Fine," she replied. He saw the sweat pouring from her brow and the slight shivering that started to grip her body.

"You're not fine," he said. "Let me..."

Alexa backed away. "I said I am fine. See if anyone has any wounds that need healing. That's an order."

"Yes, Commander," he responded quietly. He gave her one last look before checking on their companions and offering healing.

Once everyone had recovered sufficiently, they moved further into the bowels of the fortress. They came across small bands of darkspawn, but nothing they couldn't handle. As they moved along the Main Hall towards the Common, they encountered ghost dwarves that seemed to be replaying scenes of the fall of the thaig.

"What the hells?" Oghren said as they watched the ghost scenes cycle through.

"Spirits; trapped here; reliving their last moments," Anders said. "It doesn't happen too often, but it's not as rare of an occurrence as people believe."

"Is The Veil torn here?" Alexa asked.

"It doesn't seem to be," Anders replied. "These dwarves just appear to be trapped here."

"Is there anything we can do for them?"

"No, Commander," Anders said.

"Then we need to continue onward," Alexa ordered. She began to move and stumbled slightly. Nathaniel was nearest and caught her.

"Alexa?" he asked quite concerned. She looked at him. Her eyes appeared glassy.

"Nathaniel...would you mind...would you mind leading us through?" she asked.

"Do you need to turn around?"

She shook her head." No. We must get to the broodmothers and destroy them. Our assignment is too urgent to be delayed."

Nathaniel looked from Alexa to Anders who understood that Nathaniel wanted him to watch Alexa. Anders nodded, then Nathaniel turned back to Alexa. "I will lead us, Commander," he said with confidence and squeezed her hand reassuringly. Alexa smiled her thanks at him. He then released her and began to lead them through the rest of Kal'Hirol.

As they walked through the different areas of the fortress, the slums, the trade quarter, they came across a few darkspawn as well as giant spiders which were easily defeated. But for every battle they fought, Alexa began to move slower and slower. Her reflexes weren't as quick as normal and her energy was low. Anders and Nathaniel began to fear for her safety. But they knew she was stubborn and wouldn't turn back. Nathaniel had an additional concern; he knew that Alexa had a death wish and he was worried she would find some way to fulfill it in the depths of Kal'Hirol. He vowed he would not let that happen.

In between the fighting, Sigrun and Oghren would look through discarded crates and items for anything that would tell them exactly what had happened here. The ghost scenes they saw were telling them pieces of the puzzle. It seems the dwarves here took up arms against invading darkspawn. As they searched, Sigrun found a journal belonging to a dwarf name Dailan. She read the entries and saw that many of the nobles had abandoned Kal'Hirol for Orzammar. There was a small contingent of dwarves left behind so that others could escape. In the rush to leave the thaig, the 500 casteless were forgotten and left behind. As Sigrun skimmed the journal, she discovered that those left behind were locked into the thaig so the darkspawn could not advance any further. They were left to be sacrificed; to die at the hands of the darkspawn with no hope of rescue. She showed the journal to Alexa.

Alexa read the journal's contents, then looked at Sigrun.

"The casteless were left here to die," Sigrun said quietly. "They fought bravely."

"It does sound like that, yes. I wonder who they were." Alexa said.

"Maybe we'll find something that will tell us," Sigrun replied.

"We'll keep our eyes open," Alexa promised. "But for now, we must get to the broodmothers' lair."

The group continued further into the depths of the thaig and ran into a battle of darkspawn against darkspawn. The fighters seemed not to notice them as they were intently fighting each other. Alexa and her companions stared at each other.

"Do my eyes deceive me or are those darkspawn fighting amongst themselves?" Nathaniel asked.

"Appears that way," Alexa replied.

"Bloody nug-runners...what in the hells is this?" Oghren exclaimed.

"What should we do now?" Anders asked.

"We kill darkspawn," Alexa replied.

"Which ones?" Velanna questioned.

"All of them," Alexa commanded.

"Right, Commander. Let's kill us some darkspawn!" Oghren cried and ran into the fray. The rest of the group joined him.

Both groups of darkspawn were surprised at this new attack by outsiders, but it didn't faze them. Battling both sets of darkspawn was tiring, but Alexa and her companions were eventually victorious.

"Check the side chambers to see if there are any more," Alexa ordered. This gave her a few moments to rest and regain her strength. She knew now that she was ill. She was sweating, but couldn't stop her body from shivering. However, they were too far along in their quest to turn back now. And killing the broodmothers was vital before the darkspawn army came out of the ground to swallow the surrounding countryside.

"All clear, Commander," Sigrun said. "But we found this." Nathaniel was carrying a stone tablet containing names; the names of the casteless who fought bravely while the nobles of Kal'Hirol ran.

"We'll need to send this back to Orzammar," Alexa said.

"My thoughts exactly," Sigrun replied. Nathaniel placed the tablet in his pack and they continued downward.

The group moved into the bowels of the fortress and was confronted with squads of the grub-like darkspawn they fought at the entrance to Kal'Hirol. There seemed to be hundreds of them that came from out of the shadows. Their chattering was unnerving. Alexa and her companions would defeat one group when another, larger group would take its place. Alexa gathered all of her strength and fought her way through the hordes. It took nearly an hour of constant fighting before all of the darkspawn lay dead. They had made it through the tunnels which the creatures had infested to be dumped into a narrow passageway that led to a door. Nathaniel led them down the passage and cautiously opened the door.

They walked into a large, round room where they were greeted by a talking darkspawn and a very large golem.

"Have you come from The Father to destroy me? Destroy the Mother?" the creature asked in his odd, stilted voice.

"The Father? The Mother? What are you talking about?" Alexa asked.

The creature gazed at her and recognized the symbol on her armor. "Ahh, you are a Grey Warden. Surely you must know The Father?"

"The Father? I don't understand. And The Mother? Is that one of the Broodmothers?"

"Not just one; the One! The Father awakened The Mother, but he took the sweet music away from her. She vowed to destroy The Father. We follow The Mother."

"The Father is The Architect? The talking darkspawn that wishes to give you free will?" Alexa asked.

"Yes, but he is wrong! He does not understand. Only The Mother understands."

"Who are you?"

"I am called The Lost. I follow The Mother. She wants us to hear the music again; correct what The Father did."

"Is The Mother breeding those larvae darkspawn?" Alexa asked.

"The Children...yes. An army to destroy The Father and anyone that gets in our way."

"Where is The Mother?"

The Lost laughed. "I am not so gullible as to tell you! But whether The Father sent you or not, you wish to destroy The Mother. I cannot let that happen." The creature began his incantations and the golem started to move towards Alexa and her companions. They all drew their weapons and prepared for a long and deadly battle.

The Lost was a darkspawn emissary with his powers in the realm of fire; powers that allowed him to control the golem and infuse it with similar powers. Alexa's ordered Anders and Velanna used their magic to hold the golem in place while the others took down The Lost. The darkspawn was powerful and Alexa, Nathaniel, Oghren and Sigrun were tossed around like rag dolls. Anders and Velanna would take turns blasting The Lost while keeping the golem at bay. Finally, Alexa struck the killing blow against The Lost and now they could concentrate on destroying the golem. With all of them battling the creature, it didn't take long to destroy it. Once both enemies lay dead, Alexa and her companions slumped to the ground, exhausted. Anders and Velanna offered healing to their companions. As Anders moved towards Alexa, he noticed how pale she was and her shivering had become more violent.

"Alexa, you are not well," he said softly to her.

"It can't be too much farther," she replied quietly. "We must see this through."

"At the cost of your life or health?"

"I shall be fine. Just help me up."

Anders helped Alexa to rise, much to the chagrin of Nathaniel.

"Everyone recovered sufficiently enough?" Alexa asked. Her companions responded in the affirmative. "Let's move out then. We must be getting close."

They left the room through a side door and continued onward until they found the broodmothers' lair. They were standing above the pit where the creatures were housed. None of them were looking forward to going down into the pit.

"There must be some way to destroy them from here," Anders said, putting into words everyone's thoughts.

Everyone began looking about the room. Fortunately the broodmothers weren't able to attack them from their position in the pit, so Alexa and her companions had some time to search the room. Nothing looked useful. As they gazed around the room, Velanna leaned on the chains holding a very heavy grate above the broodmothers. Oghren looked at her and an idea came to him.

"Why don't we cut these chains and let this thing fall on top of them?" he suggested, pointing to the object.

Alexa gazed at it, but it began swimming in front of her eyes. "Sounds like a good idea. Do you all agree?" There was a murmur of consensus among her companions. "Very well; everyone stand by a chain and on the count of three begin swinging." Once everyone was in place, Alexa began the count. "One...two...three!" They all began slicing and hacking at the chains until two of the chains gave way. The weight of them brought the structure crashing down upon the broodmothers thus destroying them.

There was a terrible squealing from the creatures as they were crushed by the weight of the steel grate. Nathaniel peered down and looked into the pit. Nothing moved. "It looks like they are dead," he proclaimed.

"Good. We can return to The Vigil," Alexa said and none too soon she thought. "Sigrun, you are more than welcome to join us. The Grey Wardens could use your blade."

"As a Legionnaire or as a Grey Warden?"

"Either; the choice is yours."

"Well, you are fighting darkspawn and I have lost my battalion. Tell you what, I'll come back with you and then decide what I want to do."

"Fair enough, now let's head back." Alexa started to walk back towards the fortress entrance. She couldn't focus on anything. Her body was drenched with sweat and she could barely control her chattering teeth. Somehow she was able to drag her body to the exit. Just as they reached the horses, her strength and energy left her. Alexa collapsed to the ground.

"Alexa!" Nathaniel and Anders shouted simultaneously. Both of them ran to her side. Nathaniel placed his hand on her brow.

"She's feverish. Can you do something?" he asked Anders.

"I'm low on healing supplies and lyrium, so I can't do anything for her at the moment. Velanna is in the same position. We need to get back to The Vigil."

"The sun is beginning to set. Traveling through the countryside at night with bands of roaming darkspawn, Alexa ill and you and Velanna low on healing supplies isn't the wisest course of action. We'll need to set-up camp and wait until morning."

"Are you sure?" Anders asked.

"We don't have much choice," Nathaniel replied annoyed. "We can go back into the chasm or make camp out here. What do you think?"

"I don't know about you, but I need some fresh air and that expansive sky above me is comforting."

"Very well; we'll make camp near the chasm entrance, in case we need to take cover. There shouldn't be anymore darkspawn threat from this part of the Deep Roads. Would you stay with Alexa while I and the others make camp?"

"Of course."

"The horses can stay tethered where they are. I will pitch Alexa's tent first so you can take her inside while we finish setting-up."

Anders nodded. He watched Nathaniel update their companions on the situation. They all had concerned looks on their faces and gazed over at Alexa. Each of them nodded their consent and began to set-up camp for the night.


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Nathaniel quickly set-up Alexa's tent and helped Anders bring her into it. He then went about helping the others pitch their tents. When he was finished, he joined Anders in Alexa's tent.

"How is she?' he asked the mage with great concern.

"The same. I was wondering if perhaps we should remove her armor…so we can wrap her in cloaks…" Anders began nervously.

"That's probably a good idea. She would be more comfortable out of that armor," Nathaniel agreed. He approached Alexa then paused. Glancing over at Anders, he saw the mage was feeling the same discomfort at the thought of undressing her.

"Maybe if we asked the girls," Anders began.

"Nonsense. She is our Commander who is ill and needs our assistance. Help me get her gauntlets and boots off," Nathaniel said, shaking off his feelings.

Anders watched Nathaniel for a moment, then bent down to help him. Both men could feel the heat rising in their cheeks as they worked to remove Alexa's armor from her body. Nathaniel would gently lift Alexa while Anders would remove pieces of her armor. They made quick work of their task, both of them trying hard not to look at Alexa's body. The linen undergarment she wore beneath her armor was drenched with perspiration and clung to her curves in a most enticing manner. Although the linen should also be removed, neither man had the courage to do so. Instead, they wrapped several cloaks around her shivering form until she was nothing but a blob with a head. Having her body hidden from view made both of the men feel better.

"I'm going to sit with her," Nathaniel declared. "If her condition changes or I need any help, I'll call you," he told Anders.

"I'll go and divvy-up the watches and check back later," Anders said.

Nathaniel nodded and then turned his attention to Alexa. The same helpless feeling overcame him that he felt when they were prisoners of The Architect. There was nothing he could do for her, but sit by her side in case she awoke and needed him. He reached out and caressed her hot cheek. She did not stir. As he gazed at her sleeping form, all he could think about was their last conversation; his last words to her. He cringed as he thought about it.

"Don't die, Alexa. I couldn't bear it if you died." As he said those words, a light dawned on him. He knew how he would feel if Alexa died and left him alone. She must be feeling the same about Alistair and he had been a selfish, insensitive fool not to notice. From all that he heard, their love was passionate and intense; a love for the ages. If it had been a fairytale, Alistair and Alexa would have married, ruled Ferelden, raised a family and lived happily ever after. But it wasn't a fairytale. It was true life and death and sacrifice were a part of it. He knew that she and Alistair were the only two Grey Wardens alive after the Battle of Ostagar and that it was up to them to stop a civil war and defeat the Blight. They somehow managed to do both and had never left each other's side...until killing the Archdemon. He gazed at Alexa and could imagine how he would feel if he saw her strike the killing blow against their enemy and then be struck down herself because of it. She must have felt the same at watching Alistair's demise. Oghren had said that Alexa blamed herself for Alistair's death because she had the means to stop it, but didn't. No one knew exactly what she meant by that statement. Everyone knew that if Alexa could have changed the outcome so that Alistair lived, she would have done so. Perhaps her ability to change the outcome was just a rumor or words spoke in grief. Whatever the truth, he would never know.

As Nathaniel watched her, the day's events began to catch-up with him. He was exhausted; his body achy and tired. Before he knew it, his eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep.

Nathaniel awoke to a gentle shaking of his shoulder. It was Anders.

"You should go to your own tent and get some rest," Anders told him.

"I can't leave her," Nathaniel replied sleepily.

"You won't do her any good if you're not at your best or if you fall ill," Anders countered. "I'll stay with her."

"Aren't you tired?"

"I took a little nap all ready and have done my watch. If there is any change, I will come for you."

Reluctantly, Nathaniel nodded, knowing Anders was right. He rose and went to his own tent to try and get some much needed rest. Anders took the place vacated by Nathaniel. He placed his hand on Alexa's brow. She was still in the grips of fever. He had found a stream not too far away and had moistened a few bandages in the cold water. One of these he placed on Alexa's forehead. He then just sat there, creating a small blue glowing sphere in his hands to pass the time.

Anders didn't know what time it was, but suddenly Alexa began to stir. She moved her head slightly and swallowed hard, then opened her eyes to look at him.

"Alistair," she whispered.

Anders felt her forehead again. She was burning-up. Her eyes were glassy. She attempted to reach for him, but he took her hand in his. He knew that she saw him, but in her delirium she had mistaken him for Alistair.

"Forgive me," she said softly.

Anders thought he had better play along for now. "For what?" he smiled gently at her.

"Letting you die. I should have...should have agreed to Morrigan's ritual."

"What ritual?"

She smiled, "You never knew. I never told you. Morrigan had a blood-magic rite that would have saved you. I told her no and she left us that night and then...then...you died. I...I could have saved you."

"Why did you say no?"

"It was blood-magic. I had been taught that blood-magic was wrong, but if it would have saved you..." she began to weep. "Also I was jealous."

"Jealous?"

"It would have required you to sleep with Morrigan; father a child...I couldn't...but now..."she closed her eyes as the tears fell.

Anders didn't know what to say. This was what Alexa had eluded to when she agreed to help him recover his phylactery.

"You did what you thought was best," he responded. "It saved Ferelden."

"But it did not save you...or us."

"It did save you."

"But I have been miserable without you."

Anders stared at her, not sure what to say. He never met Alistair and had no idea if his comments would reflect the man or not. He decided to say what he himself would feel and hope Alexa's delirium was enough that she would still believe it was Alistair talking.

"That is not what I wished for you. I want you to live and be happy...my love."

Alexa blinked and it seemed she would fall back into slumber, but she swallowed and continued. "Alistair, I love you. I shall always love you. You are my first love. But..." she began then stopped not able to continue.

Anders smiled. "There is someone else."

Alexa smiled softly, "I believe there is."

"He is a lucky man," Anders said.

"But it doesn't mean my love for you has changed or stopped."

"I never thought it would."

"I just...I think I want to live, Alistair. I don't want to be alone anymore."

"I never wanted you to be alone. You are alive, Alexa. You need to live and that includes loving someone."

"Forgive me. I feel as if I am betraying..."

"Hush. There is nothing to forgive. You are not betraying me; betraying us. I want you to live and be happy. Your happiness means the world to me. And it would sadden me greatly if you did not allow yourself to be happy. I want you to live; for me; for us."

"You shall always be in my heart," Alexa whispered.

"I know," he replied gently.

"I love you, Alistair."

"And I shall always love you, Alexa."

Alexa's hand caressed his cheek. Caught in the moment, Anders leaned down and gently kissed Alexa; a tender, loving kiss. He pulled away and saw her smile lovingly at him. He had to remind himself that she saw Alistair and not him. He caressed her cheek. Her eyes grew heavy and she fell back to sleep. Anders sat back and gazed at Alexa, conflicting emotions raging inside him. Although he had not been able to heal her physical maladies, he hoped he was able to heal her emotional ones. That thought alone should help bring him some comfort. He gazed at her then went back to playing with a blue light in his palm.

Alexa slowly came back to consciousness. Her eyelids began to flutter and soon she was staring at the ceiling of her tent. She turned her head and saw Anders sleeping in an upright position next to her. She attempted to speak.

"Anders," she managed to say from her parched throat.

The sound of his name made the mage stir. He looked over to see Alexa staring back at him. Her eyes no longer held that glassy look.

"Alexa," he said and placed a hand on her forehead. Cool; her fever had broken. "Thank the Maker," he remarked.

"Water," she requested.

Anders moved to grab a cask of water and held the bag to her lips. She greedily drank the tepid liquid. Once she quenched her thirst, he placed the bag nearby so she could get to it herself.

"What..." she began.

"You became ill; stricken with fever. By the time we killed the Broodmothers, it was nearly dark. We could not risk getting back to The Vigil with you being ill. Nathaniel decided that we should set-up camp until morning when the daylight would make it safe for us to return home."

"Broodmothers...that's the last thing I remember," she replied.

"You don't remember collapsing?"

She shook her head slowly. "Broodmothers, that's all. I don't even remember walking back to the cave entrance. How long have I been ill?"

"You were delirious with fever last night and had been ill all yesterday, but you were fine before that. So you haven't been ill very long. I am relieved to see that your fever has broken. You had us all concerned."

"Now that I am awake, we should break camp and head back to The Vigil."

"Are you well enough to do so?"

"I feel weak and tired, but I should be well enough to sit a horse and get us back home," she smiled. She attempted to sit-up. Anders moved to help her; the cloaks falling aside. Her undergarments were still soaked and clung to the outline of her breasts and waist. Anders attempted not to look at her, but failed miserably.

As Anders helped her to sit, Nathaniel unceremoniously burst into her tent. He ignored Anders hands on Alexa and was just ecstatic to see her alive and awake.

"Alexa! Thank the Maker," Nathaniel exclaimed as he went to her bedside. "How are you feeling?"

When she saw him, her face lit-up and her smile brightened. "I am better, thank you, Nathaniel. I was just telling Anders that we should break camp and return to The Vigil."

"You are well enough for this?" he asked with great concern.

"We need to get back," she replied.

Anders smiled, "Well, now that I see you are in very capable hands, I shall tell the others of your recovery. We shall then pack the camp and be ready to ride back to Vigil's Keep. Excuse me." He then left Alexa and Nathaniel alone.

"You should have told me how sick you were," Nathaniel scolded her.

"I didn't know exactly. I thought I could fight through it. But I could have placed you or the others in harm's way with my...Cousland stubbornness. I apologize."

"Your...determination...is one of your great strengths," Nathaniel said.

Alexa smiled warmly at him. "We shouldn't delay our departure any longer. Would you mind helping me dress? I fear I am weaker than I wish to be."

"Of course," Nathaniel said. He removed the cloaks from her body, his gaze inadvertently roaming over her. He then moved to retrieve her armor. Alexa waited for him. He returned and kneeling in front of her helped her put on her boots, then the plates around her thighs. He was very much aware of her eyes on him, as well as her soft, warm body beneath his fingers. He then assisted attaching her breastplate to her chest. He had a little trouble with the buckles; his fingers fumbling with the straps, but he managed to secure it around her torso. He then looked into her smiling face and saw something in her eyes he had not seen before.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"My pleasure," he replied warmly.

They stared at each other for a few moments, neither of them moving. The nearness of her was intoxicating and Nathaniel could not help himself. He leaned in and kissed her. She did not stop him and responded in kind.

In all of their previous kisses, Alexa seemed to be holding a part of herself back, even when their kisses were passionate. This time was different. This time her entire being was in her kiss; she was not reserved and held nothing of herself back. Moments flew by before she broke the kiss.

"We need to return to The Vigil," she said softly.

Nathaniel gazed at her smiling face. "Yes," he finally responded. "I'll take care of this. Go outside and see the others. I am sure they will be happy to see their Commander."

Alexa caressed Nathaniel's cheek, grabbed her gauntlets and helmet, then exited the tent. It took Nathaniel a few moments to compose himself before he began to gather the meager items in the tent and break it down. As Alexa exited the tent, he heard the shouts of greeting from their companions at seeing her recovered. He smiled, then returned to his task.

The campsite was quickly broken down and they were headed back to The Vigil. Alexa needed assistance mounting her horse and she could not have the beast go any faster than a trot, but all were happy that she was on the road to recovery and that they were headed home.

Once they finally entered the gates of The Vigil a very relieved Varel greeted them. He had been concerned about their absence and was about to form a search party for them if they hadn't returned by nightfall. Alexa apologized to Varel and told him it was entirely her fault. She had fallen ill and they needed to camp so she could recover sufficiently to return to The Vigil. On the bright side, she noted, the darkspawn threat had been thwarted. She also introduced Sigrun to Varel and asked if she could share a room with Velanna. As they all stood there discussing their latest adventure, Varel noted that Alexa looked tired. She was still recovering from her illness and needed rest. Varel commented that she could recount their adventures in the morning as it appeared they could all do with a restful evening. Alexa did not argue and dismissed her companions. She asked if a warm bath could be prepared for her. Varel told her it would be done. She then walked slowly to her room and collapsed in a chair, waiting for the servants to bring the water to fill her tub. She had nearly fallen asleep when there was a knocking on her door. She rose slowly and opened it, allowing the servants to enter and fill her tub with the warm water. Once they finished their task, they left her alone. She attempted to remove her armor, but found the activity more tiring than she thought. She had just removed her gauntlets when there was a knock on the door. Wearily, she lifted her body from the chair to answer it. She opened the door to find Nathaniel standing there.

"I just stopped by to see how you are," he said.

"Thank the Maker you're here," Alexa said. "I am having troubling taking off my armor. Would you help me?"

"Of course," Nathaniel said a bit confused. He entered her rooms. Alexa closed the door behind him.

"I need to take a bath, but I don't have the strength to lift my arms and undress myself," she said in annoyance.

She presented her arms to him and he removed the plating around her upper arms. He then removed the breastplate around her torso. Once that was off, Alexa sat on the bed so he could take-off the armor protecting her legs. She was now clothed in only her undergarments. She removed the rough linen chemise to reveal a delicate bra and panties. She turned her back towards him.

"Would you mind undoing the laces?" she asked him

With deft fingers that brushed against her warm skin, he undid her laces.

"Thanks," she replied. She turned to face him, her hands holding her bra in place.

"I know this is an imposition, but would you mind sitting here while I bathe? I'm still fairly tired and weak and I'd hate for something terrible to happen. And I may need some further assistance," she asked innocently.

Nathaniel looked her up and down, the desire in his eyes evident. "Wouldn't a maid be better for you?" he asked.

"If you wish to call for one that is entirely up to you. I need someone here to make sure I'm okay," Alexa replied. "If you call a maid, please stay until she arrives," she requested. "But I am going to take a bath while the water is still warm," she told him. Alexa then walked to the bathing area of her room, dropping her bra and panties as she did so.

Nathaniel watched her walk away, then took a seat in a chair near the fireplace. The room was suddenly very warm to him. He heard her moving slightly in the water and could only imagine the vision she made. He shifted uncomfortably in the chair.

"Nathaniel?" she called out.

"Yes," his voice cracked slightly. He cleared his throat and answered again in his normal voice, "Yes."

"Just checking to see if you are still here. You're very quiet."

"I...just thought..." he began, "you would want some peace while you bathe."

"That is sweet of you, but not necessary." She paused before continuing. "What do you think of Velanna?"

"She is bitter; full of hatred, but I'm not sure if that hatred is projected outward or at herself."

"Do you trust her?"

"I think she is more unpredictable than the others."

"Do you think she would make a good Grey Warden?"

Nathaniel thought on the question for a moment, then responded "No."

"That was my feeling as well. I needed a second opinion. Thank you."

"Any time," Nathaniel replied.

"Listen, I also wish to talk about the other night," Alexa began. She had finished her bath and was standing in the room, a towel wrapped around her body, her wet hair flowing over her shoulders and down her back.

Nathaniel turned and saw her, then rose from his chair. As he gazed at her, he could feel the warmth in his body spread. He attempted to control his emotions.

"What is there to say?" he asked softly.

She moved to stand in front of him. She gazed down at the floor, then looked into his eyes. "You were right. I was dead. I've been dead...inside."

Nathaniel began to shake his head. "No, I was a fool for not understanding how much you loved Alistair and how much pain his loss is for you. If it was I who lost you," he reached out to caress her cheek, "well, I would be inconsolable."

Alexa smiled. "Thank you. I appreciate that. But I am alive. I need to begin living again; in every aspect of my life. Will you...help me with that?"

"Help you how?"

"Kiss me."

Nathaniel smiled at her, brushed a strand of hair from her face, then gently took Alexa in his arms and kissed her. She moved to place her arms around him, the towel covering her body dropping to the floor. Alexa pressed her soft, naked body into Nathaniel. His embrace grew tighter and his kiss more passionate. She returned his kiss with equal passion. He broke the kiss, moving his lips across her cheek and to her neck. He took her earlobe between his teeth and gently tugged.

"Alexa," he whispered in her ear.

"Oh, Nathaniel," she responded.

Nathaniel smiled as he heard his name tumble softly from her lips in a breathy, passionate manner; the way he had always imagined it to be. His hands roamed down her back, feeling her soft, moist skin. His lips returned to hers and hungrily kissed her; their tongues playing a game of tag. Gently Alexa pulled away and out of Nathaniel's embrace. She took him by the hand and pulled him towards her bed. He could now see her entire naked body; soft, round, firm; her slender arms and neck; her beautiful, full breasts; her flat stomach and abdomen; her curvaceous waist and hips; and her shapely thighs and legs. She no longer possessed the body of the young girl he remembered, but of the woman he now loved and desired.

She released his hand and sat on the bed, leaning back, her arms slightly behind her, propping her body up. This position pushed her breasts forward. She was waiting for him to undress. Nathaniel needed no prodding and removed his boots, shirt and britches under Alexa's smoldering gaze. As he took off his shirt, he saw her eyes roam over his muscular chest and abdomen. Using a bow for many years had the advantage of developing his arms and upper body. As he removed his britches, her eyes followed downward. Spending most of his life either walking or on horseback, Nathaniel's legs were muscular and well-developed. Alexa thought his body was just muscular enough, but not overly so. She also noticed how well-endowed he was and that her presence aroused him. Her gaze only seemed to increase his arousal as it roamed up his body to his face. She smiled coyly at him. He returned her smile and walked forward, leaning down to kiss her, pressing her back onto the bed.

Alexa crawled backwards as Nathaniel continued to kiss her, positioning them both lengthwise on the bed. As they continued to kiss, her right hand played with his dark hair while her left hand caressed his back, occasionally scratching his skin.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh," he said against their kiss as he felt Alexa's nails on his flesh.

Nathaniel's lips moved down Alexa's cheek to her throat, nibbling slightly at her neck and continuing down to the hollow of her throat, His hands explored her body, caressing her arm, her waist, her hip. His mouth continued its journey along her figure, kissing her breast, then capturing a taut nipple between his lips. He sucked and bit, causing Alexa to moan with pleasure. She pressed his head to her breast, enjoying the feel of his lips. One of his hands rested on her hip while the other caressed her other breast, pinching and teasing her other nipple. Alexa writhed a bit under his touch, sighing pleasurably at the sensations he was causing within her. His mouth continued on, nipping lightly at her stomach, licking her navel. He then rose and sat between her legs, spreading them wide, gently caressing her inner thighs. His hands then began to explore her softness; feel its warmth and wetness. His dark eyes stared intently into her face as he stroked her, his fingers lightly caressing her womanly softness. Alexa closed her eyes, throwing her head back slightly, moaning at the pleasurable sensations he was causing within her. Suddenly she felt his warm breath someplace unfamiliar; felt his lips; his tongue; his kiss where she had never been kissed before. Her moans grew louder as she called his name. Her body was on fire from his touch. His kiss caused her to quiver. Just as she thought she could take no more, his mouth began to move back up her body until he captured her lips in a passionate kiss. She tasted herself on his tongue as Nathaniel continued to kiss her.

As his kisses continued, she began to feel something more familiar between her legs. His lips traveled to her cheek then he whispered in her ear, "I want you, Alexa."

"Nathaniel...I am yours," she responded.

He kissed her hungrily, passionately, then slowly penetrated her. She moaned as he entered her. He began to move inside her, feeling her envelope him, rocking his hips against hers. They quickly fell into a rhythm, their movements causing pleasurable sensations to build within each other. Nathaniel would get Alexa to a point of near climax, then would change his movements to allow the pleasurable sensation to begin building again. Alexa would grind her hips into his and squeeze him gently at first, then harder causing Nathaniel to moan loudly. She dug her nails into his naked flesh making him move faster, deeper within her. His pleasure was mounting past the point of control. He continued to move deeply inside her, his climax building until he could wait no longer. He reached orgasm, her name tumbling from his lips.

Alexa's own pleasure had been building as she felt Nathaniel within her; his movements causing her to quiver. She mimicked his motions and reached her own climax just after Nathaniel, squeezing him tightly, calling his name, causing his orgasm to continue.

Once they were spent, Nathaniel cradled Alexa next to his body, her head resting on his chest. She could hear the gentle beating of his heart. He kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, Alexa," he told her.

She rose on her arm and gazed into his eyes. "I love you, too, Nathaniel."

His face brightened when he heard her words. "Really? You do?"

She smiled lovingly at him. "Yes, I do."

His smile grew and he kissed her. "You have made me the happiest man on Thedas," he exclaimed.

She snuggled back against him, each enjoying the nearness of the other until they both fell asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Nathaniel slowly opened his eyes. The room he was in was vaguely familiar. The bed was softer and more comfortable than what he was accustomed. Also, there was something pressing against his body. He looked down and saw a female figure nestled against him. A smile crossed his face as he realized it was Alexa's sleeping form. He brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead and was struck by the beauty and peacefulness of her face; her soft skin and unfurrowed brow as she innocently slumbered next to him. Gazing at her, he remembered making love to her last evening and it was better than he had ever dreamed. He had regretted being sent away by his father just at the moment he and Alexa were beginning to discover their feelings for each other. When he went to the Free Marches, he had thought about becoming a wealthy man in his own right, then coming back and sweeping Alexa off her feet; asking Bryce Cousland for his daughter's hand in marriage. Believing that both families would be pleased with the match and knowing that Alexa would most likely become the Teyrna of Highever and he the Arl of Amaranthine, he had planned to build a home for them between those two provinces and they would rule over them jointly. He thought the King's blessing would be easy to obtain, since he would gain the fierce loyalty of two of the most important noble families in Ferelden. But nothing had turned out like he envisioned. The Blight overtook Ferelden and his father massacred the Cousland family leaving only Alexa and Fergus alive; something he tried to remedy by attempting to assassinate Alexa. She had become a Grey Warden and a hero while the Howes became outcasts. And Alexa had fallen in love and was to marry the future King of Ferelden. But then Fate took another twist. The future King was killed defeating the Blight, Alexa became unattached and he had come back for revenge. But instead of killing her, he became a Grey Warden and fought beside her and realized the love that had begun to blossom all those years ago had not died but was laying dormant, waiting to be wakened. And she had done that; reawakened his love for her that he thought was gone. Then miraculously, she had fallen in love with him. The dreams he had of marrying her and living the rest of his life with her that he thought destroyed now had the breath of life infused into them. The chance for them to be together and be happy had been renewed. He vowed he would not squander it.

As Nathaniel lay there, he felt Alexa stir next to him. She stretched, arching her back, pressing her body into his. She then returned to her position with her head and arm resting on his chest. Her fingers began teasing the hairs on his chest.

"Good morning," he said warmly to her.

Alexa looked up and smiled. "Morning," she replied.

"How did you sleep?" he asked her.

"Peacefully. No nightmares for once. And you?"

"The same."

She placed her head back on his chest. "I wish we could just stay here all day and leave the world behind just this once."

"Well, you are Commander. Give your order and it shall be done."

"Now you are going to listen to my orders?" she said with a slight laugh.

"If those orders are to stay in bed with you all day and night, making love to you, then yes, I shall gladly follow those orders." He leaned in and kissed her. She returned his kiss eagerly. "Say the word and it shall be as you desire," he whispered.

"Whatever I ask?' she said smiling.

"Your wish is my command," Nathaniel replied, attempting to kiss her again.

At his words, Alexa's smile faded and she moved away from him. She rose to a sitting position.

"Have I said something wrong?" Nathaniel asked, placing a comforting hand on her naked back.

She looked at him and smiled. "No. It's just that...Alistair...would say the same to me."

Nathaniel took her hand in his. "I'm sorry," he began.

Alexa smiled, "Don't be. You didn't know." She paused before continuing. "Nathaniel, I told you last night that I love you and I mean it. I do; I love you. But there will always be a part of me that will belong to him. And there may be a phrase or a look that will remind me of Alistair and it will make me sad or long for him. But that does not diminish my love and feelings for you. Alistair will always have a piece of my heart. And if that bothers you..."

"Shhh. It does not bother me. I know that Alistair is a part of you and you will always love him. I would be a fool if I didn't realize that. But knowing that I am in your heart as well...knowing that you love me and wish to be with me; share yourself with me, it is a gift for which I thank the Maker. I love you, Alexa and I vow to make you happy, whatever it takes."

Alexa gave Nathaniel a loving smile. "You are an amazing man," she replied.

"Only because I have an incredible woman by my side," he said. He leaned in and kissed her, pushing her back into the pillows and making love to her for the rest of the morning.

It was nearly eleven before Alexa and Nathaniel got out of bed. They had agreed that it would be better for Nathaniel to leave first. Alexa would then dress and they would meet in the Main Hall where they were sure the others were waiting. They both agreed to keep their relationship quiet for now, although Alexa knew from experience that would be short-lived.

Nathaniel dressed, kissed Alexa, then quietly left her room to go back to the barracks and change into his armor. They were finally going to the Blackmarsh today to find Kristoff.

Nathaniel saw no one in the hall and found the barracks empty. He let out a sigh of relief as he went to his barracks to put on his armor. He was startled by Oghren and Anders who had somehow silently crept behind him as he dressed.

"Look what the mabari dragged in," Oghren said loudly. "Out all night for a bit of carousing? The Commander won't like that one bit."

"Unless of course it was the Commander he was carousing with," Anders replied.

"Don't be ridiculous," Nathaniel replied trying to be nonchalant. But the blush in his cheeks betrayed him.

"That's not being ridiculous. You obviously found somewhere else to sleep last night," Anders noted.

"Actually, I was with the Commander last night. She was concerned about her illness and wanted someone to be in the room with her in case she relapsed. I spent my night in a chair by the fireplace," Nathaniel lied.

"You don't look like you slept in an uncomfortable chair all night," Anders observed.

"The chair wasn't all that uncomfortable," Nathaniel replied.

"Especially if it was a bed," Oghren chimed in.

Nathaniel strapped on his armor. "You know that Alexa and I don't get along very well."

"Must be that sexual tension," Anders remarked.

"You could solve that, ya know," Oghren said. "I can give you a few pointers."

"I think I'm good in that area, thanks," Nathaniel replied.

"We'll see if the Commander agrees with that assessment," Anders remarked. He saw Nathaniel's blush deepen, but the man said nothing and continued to put on his gear.

"Gentleman, why are you all standing about? And I use the term very loosely," Alexa remarked, crossing her arms over her chest as she stood outside the barracks door. Her gaze went from one to the other and held Nathaniel's gaze a bit longer than the others. The act was not lost on Anders.

"We will finally be heading to the Blackmarsh today to find Kristoff. Hopefully he has some information about this darkspawn incursion," she said. "I hope you all are prepared."

"Yes, Commander," Nathaniel responded. He saw her eyes twinkle at him.

"We shall see. Now, to the Main Hall," she ordered then left.

Nathaniel looked at his two companions. "You heard the lady. Let's go," he said smiling and followed after Alexa.

Oghren and Anders stared at each other. "You wanna bet," Oghren began.

"No. What happens between Alexa and Nathaniel is their business."

"But we can still tease him, right?"

"Oh, yeah; that's a given."

"Hee-hee, good. This should be fun," Oghren said as he walked towards the Main Hall. Anders gazed after them, then smiled and joined his companions for their outing.

Anders joined Alexa and the others in the Main Hall. She was giving final orders before they were to head out.

"Nathaniel, Anders and Oghren you will come with me on this journey. Sigrun and Velanna, since neither of you are Grey Wardens I cannot order you to come with us. But you are both invited. I will not lie to you, it could be dangerous."

"I am part of the Legion of the Dead, Commander. Danger is what I signed-up for, so I'd like to come along," Sigrun said.

"You said I needed to prove myself to you and I want to continue to do that. So I would also like to come with you," Velanna replied.

"Good. The more blades we have the better we shall be," Alexa remarked. "Go to the stables and make sure the horses are ready. I need to speak with the Seneschal," Alexa ordered. Her Grey Wardens saluted her and they all went to the stables.

"Varel, I just wanted to check in with you before leaving, since I did not get the opportunity to do so last night."

"Everything is running as well as can be expected, Commander. The trade issues with both Amaranthine and The Vigil have been resolved; Voldrik has the materials and men he needs to reinforce The Vigil, there hasn't been a darkspawn attack within The Vigil since you arrived, Amaranthine is slowly recovering and the soldiers are protecting the outlying farmlands as best they can. Overall, I would say we are doing well, Commander with what little we have."

"I hope to find Kristoff and get to the bottom of all this. The Blight has ended; the darkspawn should have gone back to The Deep Roads. Perhaps Kristoff has some further information that would help us understand what is happening."

"Good luck Commander and may the Maker watch over you," Varel said, saluting Alexa. She smiled and nodded, then went to the stables to lead her companions to the Blackmarsh.

Alexa exited The Vigil and found the others waiting for her. Nathaniel was holding the reins to her horse.

"Commander," he said, handing the reins to her.

"Thank you," she replied. As she took the reins from his hands, Nathaniel's fingers brushed hers lightly. It was a deliberate move on his part. She gazed at him and tried to keep the smile from her face. Keeping their relationship a secret was going to be harder than she first thought. She climbed into the saddle and led her companions out of Vigil's Keep and southeast towards the Blackmarsh.

Nathaniel let Alexa lead their group. He was unsure whether he should ride next to her or behind her. Both positions had their advantages. Alongside her, they could talk and he could just be near her. Behind her, he could watch her and admire her straight back and the way her hips moved in the saddle. He decided that riding behind her was the safest position. He didn't want to arouse his companions' suspicion any more that it was.

The journey to the Blackmarsh was uneventful. Oghren either tried to sweet talk Sigrun who shot him down at every opportunity or bickered with Anders. Velanna kept to herself as did Nathaniel. Alexa knew why Nathaniel kept quiet, but was unsure about Velanna. The elf still made her feel uncomfortable. She was expecting to be betrayed by her at any moment. But so far, Velanna gave her no indication for her to have such feelings.

As they approached the Blackmarsh, the horses began to react negatively. Alexa ordered them to halt, dismount and tie the horses at the entrance to the deserted village. The horses stomped the ground, but seemed to calm a bit when they realized they would be going no further.

"This place...it is wrong...The Veil is thin here, perhaps torn," Anders remarked.

"Are there spirits here? Or demons?" Alexa asked.

Anders stood still for a few moments, closed his eyes and concentrated on the space around him. "It is difficult to tell. There is so much pain and sorrow here, but then there is something else...revenge perhaps? We'll know more the further we venture into the village."

"Then let us not waste any more time. We need to find Kristoff. Hopefully he is still alive and can shed some light on the events at The Vigil," Alexa said.

They formed a diamond with Alexa at the lead, Nathaniel on her right and Sigrun on her left. Oghren was behind Nathaniel and Velanna was behind Sigrun with Anders directly behind Alexa. Alexa led them down the paths of the village. As they moved through they came across places where The Veil had been torn.

"Anders, can you repair this?" Alexa asked.

Anders moved forward to study the magical space. "No. It's almost as if it is torn from the inside."

"From the inside?" Nathaniel asked, confused.

"Yes. I would need to enter The Fade to fix the damage made here."

"How would you do that? And isn't that dangerous?" Alexa asked.

"Lyrium...lots and lots of lyrium and yes, it is very dangerous."

"We may need to contact the Circle of Magi to help repair this rift...after we find Kristoff," Alexa remarked. "Let's continue exploring the remains of the village."

They wandered down the deserted paths and found nothing but the remains of life in a small town. They also found more tears in The Veil. Anders examined each tear and noted the same problem; all seemed to have been ripped open from the inside. As they continued their exploration, they stumbled across a deserted camp. The tent and fire pit remained intact, but its occupant was missing. Alexa hoped it was Kristoff's camp and that he wasn't far away. She was right. Some yards away they came across a body lying face down in the dirt. Alexa's heart sank as she realized there was no movement from the body as they approached. Alexa knelt next to the body and rolled it onto its back. The man was wearing the uniform of a Grey Warden and he was dead. It must be Kristoff, the missing Grey Warden. They had arrived too late and had come to this desolate place for nothing.

Alexa rose. "It appears to be Kristoff. We have come all this way for nothing."

"But this village is deserted. Who killed him?" Nathaniel asked.

"I did," a raspy voice responded.

They turned to see a large, talking darkspawn standing before them. Alexa and her companions drew their weapons, ready for battle.

"And you are?" Alexa asked.

"I am The First. I was sent by The Mother to destroy The Architect and any who ally with him."

"The Mother again," Anders remarked.

"I am no ally of The Architect," Alexa assured the creature.

"You are no ally of The Mother either," it said.

Alexa let a small smile cross her lips. "You killed Kristoff because he was a Grey Warden?"

"I killed him because it would bring you here, Warden-Commander."

"A trap for me? You seem to be outnumbered."

"I have not come to kill you; just to put you away for safe keeping."

Alexa frowned at the darkspawn's words, then gazed at him with a look of defiance. "You would do better killing me for that is what I shall do to you."

Alexa was about to lunge at the creature, but they were attacked by The Children who came from their larvae sacs. Alexa and her companions turned their attention to the darkspawn attack, not concentrating on The First. In a few moments, the other darkspawn lay dead and Alexa began to go after The First.

"It is too late Warden-Commander. My spell has been cast! You and your companions shall be sent to The Fade where you can do no harm and The Mother can carry out her plans!"

"Why you..." Alexa began, charging towards the creature when The First's spell took effect. There was a violent rumbling, the ground shaking beneath their feet. The air filled with energy and magic as Alexa and her companions were thrown to the ground. In a few moments everything grew quiet. Alexa slow rose and looked around to make sure her companions were fine. It appeared they were.

"Anders? Are we in The Fade?" Alexa asked.

"It feels as if," he began as he stood. He then saw The First rising from the ground. "Alexa!" he shouted.

She looked behind her and saw the darkspawn. He seemed confused.

"What?" he began.

Alexa smiled. "It appears The Mother wished you out of the way as well."

"It cannot be! I...I am devoted to The Mother! I am her greatest servant!"

"Apparently not," Anders remarked. "At least, it seems she doesn't think so."

"I must get out of here and find The Mother! Kill The Mother!"

Before anyone could react, The First ran off down the path searching for a way out of The Fade. Nathaniel was about to take chase, but Alexa stopped him.

"Let him go. He will either stay trapped in The Fade or will leave it and attack The Mother. Eitherway he is no longer our main concern."

"But he is a darkspawn!" Nathaniel exclaimed.

"Our primary goal is to leave The Fade and we shouldn't split up. We must stay together and try to find a way out. But while we're here, Anders," Alexa began, turning to the mage, "we should close the tears in The Veil."

"What if those are the only way out?" Nathaniel asked her, grabbing her arm.

"They aren't for us, but any number of demons could seep through and wreak havoc on Ferelden," Anders replied. "Alexa is right, we must close the tears."

Alexa looked around to assess their surroundings and noted Oghren fidgeting. She walked over to the dwarf. "Oghren? Are you okay?"

"Argh, I'm in The Fade. I'm a dwarf. We aren't supposed to be here. Magic..." he began. Alex could see he was beginning to panic.

"Oghren, calm down. It was obviously some potent magic used against us. Let's stay together and keep your wits about you." She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I need you, Oghren," she said softly.

Alexa's calming touch and gentle voice brought Oghren back to his senses. He gazed at Alexa. She was his Commander. He would never let her down.

"Aye, let's find a way out of here then," he said gruffly, gently shrugging Alexa's hand off his shoulder.

Alexa smiled and gazed at each companion. She saw the determination in their eyes. They would find a way out of The Fade...together.

"Let's go. Anders, walk beside me. Let's repair The Veil then find a way home," Alexa commanded. Her voice was strong and authoritative. It was also very reassuring to her companions. They fell into formation and began exploring The Fade.

They first noticed that they were still in the village, but the way the village had been and not the ruins it had become. As the group moved along the path, they came across the first Veil tear. It was guarded by demons. Once they approached the demons attacked. Alexa's group easily defeated them. Anders went on to repair the tear and they moved on to the next opening in The Veil. The scene was repeated twice more before The Veil was repaired.

"There," Anders said once the final tear had been closed. "We will need to make sure the repairs have been made once we leave The Fade."

"That's one problem solved. Time to resolve the other and get us back," Alexa said with determination. The others nodded and they made their way towards the village.

Along the path there were strange things to be seen; boats hanging in the air; voices from unseen persons talking on the wind. It was real and not real at the same time. But Alexa and her companions had only one thought in mind; leave The Fade.

They finally found an entrance to the village. As they entered they were met with villagers and guards. Some were confused as to what had happened, but others knew very well they were in The Fade. Alexa and her companions moved towards the center of the village. As they approached they saw a mob in front of a large mansion. Leading this mob seemed to be a Fade Spirit.

"Ahh, more people trapped in The Fade. Did The Baroness bring you here?" the spirit asked.

"The Baroness?" Alexa asked.

"Yes. She is the ruler here in Blackmarsh. The people rose up against her because of her violence and cruelty. They stormed her mansion and burned it, but not before she was able to cast a spell and pull the entire town into The Fade with her."

"So this town is nothing but a spirit town," Anders remarked.

"Yes," the spirit confirmed.

"And who are you exactly?" Alexa asked.

"I am Justice, a spirit who lives in The Fade," the spirit said with obvious pride.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"To help these villagers fight the injustice they have suffered under this creature."

"Will that take them out of The Fade?" Nathaniel asked.

Justice hesitated. "They will no longer be trapped in limbo," he confessed.

Anders looked at Justice and knew what he meant; these people would no longer be trapped in The Fade but they would not be returning to the real world alive.

"What does that mean exactly?" Nathaniel asked.

"It means they will finally be at peace," Anders replied.

"A better fate than what they suffer now," Alexa remarked softly. Both Anders and Justice looked at her, hearing the compassion in her voice. They both nodded. "What do we need to do?"

"Join with us. We now have strength in numbers and power to take on The Baroness," Justice said.

"Will that get us out of here?" Oghren asked.

"It would do no harm," Justice replied.

"We will join you because it is the right thing to do," Alexa said.

Justice turned to her and smiled, opened the gate to the courtyard then addressed the occupant of the manor. "Baroness! Show yourself or else we will come in after you!"

At his summons, The Baroness appeared on the balcony, but she was not alone. The First stood with her.

"I see you have finally made a decision rather than continuing to bellow at my gate," The Baroness said to Justice.

"With these new friends we now have the strength to destroy you, Baroness!" Justice replied.

The Baroness turned her eyes towards Alexa and her companions. "Yes, this creature was just informing me of our new guests. Grey Wardens; I am honored," she remarked sarcastically.

"Release these people and return us to the physical world," Alexa commanded.

The Baroness laughed. "And why would I do that? I have nothing to gain from it."

"You have nothing to gain from keeping us here," Alexa replied.

"Oh I beg to differ, Warden. I gain extreme satisfaction as well as energy to fuel my power. Here I am invincible."

"We'll see about that," Alexa replied, drawing her sword. The others did the same and began to storm the manor.

The Baroness sent her minions, including The First down to greet them. The ensuing battle did not take long as Alexa and her companions began cutting down The Baroness' fighters. As the battle continued and The Baroness realized she was losing, she began her spell-casting, using the life force of The First to draw her power. The First stopped fighting and yelled to her.

"We had a deal! You are to send me back to the real world!" he screamed.

"Only if you were victorious. It appears that will not be the case!" The Baroness replied. She finished casting her spell. The ground shook, throwing everyone off balance. The fighting ceased and in a flash of light Alexa and her companions was sent back to the physical realm. However it seemed only Alexa and her companions were brought back. The village remained the desolate ruins it was when they arrived.

"Where are we?" Nathaniel asked.

"Back at Blackmarsh," Anders replied.

"Where is everyone else?" Velanna questioned.

"Gone; at rest; as they should be," Alexa remarked quietly. She re-sheathed her sword. "Come; we need to confirm that The Veil is repaired and then return to The Vigil."

As she and her companions began to re-group, Kristoff's body suddenly stirred. Thinking this was a trick of The Baroness or The First, Alexa drew her sword, ready to do battle. Kristoff rose slowly.

"What the...?" Oghren began.

"Where? How?" Kristoff began.

"Who are you?" Alexa asked.

"It is me, Justice. Where am I? Am I external to The Fade?" Justice asked incredulously.

"Yes. You have manifested in Kristoff's body," Alexa replied, re-sheathing her sword.

"I am..._human?_"

"Well, in a human body," Anders said.

"One that is decaying," Nathaniel remarked.

Justice began to move Kristoff's body, flexing his arms and legs. "This is...strange."

"To say the least," Anders remarked.

"Grey Warden, I ask that you assist me. The Baroness is here," Justice said, addressing Alexa.

"She's here? In the mortal realm?"

"Yes. I feel her presence. We must kill her; avenge those she destroyed; bring justice to those who cannot do it themselves."

"It would be dangerous to have such a manifestation in this world," Anders remarked.

"Very well; we shall help you destroy The Baroness."

"Thank you, Grey Warden."

"Alexa," she said.

"Pardon?"

"My name is Alexa. You need not be so formal with me."

"Very well, Alexa. I shall follow your lead."

"We must first confirm that the tears in The Veil have been repaired. We will then deal with The Baroness."

Alexa led her party back through the path and checked each place where The Veil had been torn. Anders had repaired it. There would be no demons entering Ferelden from this desolate place. They continued on until they reached The Baroness' mansion. Everything seemed deserted.

"Well, where is she?" Alexa asked Justice.

"She is here. I can sense her," he replied.

"So can I," Anders remarked.

Alexa turned towards the gates and opened them. As she entered, The Baroness appeared. Startled, Alexa leaped back, brandishing her sword as she did so.

"Ahhhh, freedom," The Baroness remarked breathing deeply. "I have missed this world."

"Enjoy it while you can for those will be the last breaths you shall take," Alexa promised.

The Baroness gazed at her and smiled. "My foolish Grey Warden; do you think you can destroy me?"

"I don't think...I know," Alexa replied.

"You may certainly try, my arrogant human," The Baroness said.

As Alexa moved to the offensive, The Baroness cast a spell and changed herself into a Pride Demon nearly as large as the mansion behind her. She began to attack Alexa, easily batting her away. This mobilized Alexa's companions and each of them pulled out their weapons and magic and began fighting the demon.

The Pride Demon was tough; being able to attack several of her enemies at once. Anders, Velanna and Nathaniel stayed out of the contact fighting as their weapons were better from mid to long range. Alexa, Justice, Oghren and Sigrun fought the demon up close. They surrounded the demon and tried to attack it from all sides, but she was quick. Although she couldn't attack all four of them at once, she could manage to take two of them down at a time. As Alexa and Justice fell back, Sigrun and Oghren would move forward, then vice versa. It was like some perverse dance with arrows, lightning bolts and fireballs thrown in for good measure. With pure determination, Alexa and her companions fought the Pride Demon and finally defeated it, watching it fall to their blades. It happened none too soon as nearly all of them were spent. Anders and Velanna moved amongst their companions and offered healing. Nathaniel approached Alexa to confirm she was fine. The action was not lost on anyone.

"We seem to be done here," Alexa commented.

"Good. I can't get out of here fast enough," Oghren said and began walking back towards the horses. Alexa was about to follow when she felt a hand on her arm, stopping her movement. She turned to see Justice standing there.

"What am I to do now?" he asked her.

"Can you not return to The Fade?"

"No."

"You are welcome to come with us to The Vigil," she offered.

"I...I think I would like that. I see by this Kristoff's thoughts you fight darkspawn; a noble cause."

"You can see Kristoff's thoughts?" she asked.

"Bits and pieces of this man's memory; I can see what he knew; I can view his life."

"Kristoff came to discover why the darkspawn are still above ground with the end of the Blight. Do you know if he found a cause?"

"He was drawn here, but I cannot see...something about a...Mother," Justice said.

"Sounds like we need to find the Mother and destroy her," Nathaniel remarked.

"It appears so. Let us return to The Vigil, rest and re-group. We will then need to begin our search for The Mother," Alexa replied.

"What are ya waiting for? Let's go!" Oghren yelled at them. Alexa smiled and led them to their horses and back to The Vigil to plan their next move.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Alexa and her companions arrived at Vigil's Keep around dusk. The journey was uneventful and all were happy to see The Vigil outlined against the darkening sky. Tonight they would rest and relax. Tomorrow they would begin anew.

As they approached, Alexa noted the new walls and ramparts. Voldrik had reinforced The Vigil as he had promised. The fortress appeared strong and could withstand a prolonged siege. Alexa would speak with Voldrik to see if he needed anything else to keep The Vigil impregnable.

They took their horses to the stables and handed them over to the stable boys. There was some jovial banter amongst them; a camaraderie that had been building was finally maturing on its own. There was a trust and ease that Alexa's companions had with each other. Even Justice was able to join the fold rather easily.

Alexa and her companions had just entered The Vigil when Varel approached. He said that Kristoff's wife heard Alexa had some news on her husband. She was waiting for her in Varel's office. Alexa thanked him and sent the others off to prepare for supper while she went to talk with Kristoff's widow.

Alexa had taken only a few steps before Justice stopped her.

"I think I should speak with her," he said.

"No."

"I need to tell her..."

"No. You are in the body of her dead husband. She will not understand. If she sees you...sees her husband Kristoff...and sees the state your body is in...this is not the way she will want to remember her husband. Trust me; I know how she feels. I do not think I would want to see my dead husband's body possessed by a spirit no matter how benevolent that spirit may be."

Justice gave pause then nodded. "You are wise, Commander. I will go with the others and shall not return until she is gone." He then followed the others towards the barracks.

Alexa and Varel went to meet Kristoff's widow.

Varel opened the door to his office and allowed Alexa to enter. At their arrival, a young woman with blonde hair and a worried expression jumped slightly. She turned then rose.

"Aura, this is Alexa Cousland, Warden-Commander," Varel said making introductions.

"Commander, you have news of my husband?" There was hope and fear in her voice.

"Aura please sit down," Alexa suggested softly. The woman complied. "I fear I have unpleasant news," she began.

At those words, Aura's shoulders slumped and her eyes began to fill with tears. "Kristoff is dead, isn't he?" she whispered.

"I am afraid so. He died bravely; saving the land against the darkspawn."

"Is that to give me comfort? That he didn't die in vain?"

"Yes, but I know how hollow that sounds to you."

"Could you not save him?"

"He was already dead when we found him. There was nothing we could do." Alexa reached into her pack. "I was able to retrieve this box. It was in his rooms in Amaranthine." She handed the box to Aura. She took it and caressed the lid, but did not open it.

"This is all I have of him now," Aura said, tears slowly falling down her cheeks and dropping on the wooden box.

"I know those mementos are a poor substitute and there is nothing I can say that will comfort you. Just know that I know exactly how you feel and if you need anything please let me know."

Aura could only nod in response.

"The Grey Wardens will make sure you are taken care of; you shall have no worries about that. Now let me have someone escort you home and stay with you."

"I shall go to my sister's home. I will not need anyone to stay with me, but I would appreciate the escort."

"You may stay here..." Alexa began, but Aura declined.

"I wish to be home as soon as possible."

"The roadways should be safe. I shall have a carriage and soldiers escort you home. Wait here for the guards to come for you." Alexa and Aura rose. "I am...deeply sorry for your loss," Alexa said.

Aura gave her a small smile. "Thank you."

"We will leave you and send your escorts to you presently," Alexa told her. She asked Varel that the arrangements be made, then went to her rooms to remove her armor and take supper with the soldiers and Grey Wardens in Vigil's Keep.

After Aura had departed, the occupants of Vigil's Keep gathered for supper in the Main Dining Hall. Everyone had changed into more casual attire and there was laughter throughout the hall. Alexa took the seat at the head of the table for her Grey Wardens. The table was shared with Varel, Captain Garevel and Mistress Woolsey. Anders, Oghren, Sigrun, Justice and even Velanna participated in the conversation and merriment. Nathaniel, Alexa noted, was seated at the opposite end of the table and although he too did participate in the frivolity, his eyes kept staring at her; watching her. There was always a slight smile on his lips as he looked at her. His gaze made her heart leap and she felt warm inside; her stomach fluttering whenever she caught his eye. Alexa tried not to betray her feelings when she looked at Nathaniel, but there was a look of tenderness and love in her eyes that no one could miss.

Nathaniel watched as Alexa interacted with her companions. She had not released the burden of command, but she seemed more natural and relaxed. Her beautiful smile came easily to her lips and her laughter was infectious. And on those brief moments when her eyes caught his, he saw her love and desire for him. Such a look made him want to take her in his arms then and there, not caring who gazed upon them. But he would patiently bide his time until there was a moment tonight when he could hold her and kiss her as he wanted.

Alexa excused herself from the table and visited with the others in the hall. She wanted to tell everyone what a good job they were doing and how much she appreciated their efforts. She stopped by every table and chatted with each group of soldiers and Grey Wardens. She even spoke with the serving staff and thanked them for their tireless efforts at keeping The Vigil running smoothly. She then moved towards the kitchens to let the staff know of her appreciation for their work and dedication.

Nathaniel watched her leave the hall and then nonchalantly followed her. He saw her enter the kitchen. He looked around and noted a small, secluded spot in which to hide where Alexa would need to pass to return to the hall. The space was perfectly situated so he could see her leave the kitchen and come towards him. He waited and in a few moments he saw Alexa walking towards him. Just as she passed beside him, he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards him. The action startled her and she was about to cry out when she felt strong arms go about her and lips meeting hers in a passionate kiss. She recognized Nathaniel's kiss immediately and pressed her body into his. Her action fed his arousal and his kiss became full of desire; more passionate, more demanding. Ages passed before they broke the kiss.

"Will anyone notice if we don't return?" he asked her huskily.

"Probably," she smiled.

"Do we care?"

Alexa thought for a moment. She really should return to the hall. It was her duty as Commander of the Grey. But she had pushed aside her personal life for so long; had allowed her life to be consumed only by duty; had chosen to be dead inside. Now she felt alive again and wanted to spend as much time as she could in the arms of the man she loved.

Alexa slowly shook her head in response. "No."

Nathaniel was a bit surprised at her acquiescence, but his heart leapt and he felt the arousal building in his body. He left their hiding place, holding her hand and led her to her bed chamber. He allowed her to open the door and she pulled him inside. Nathaniel closed the door behind them. Once inside the room he took Alexa in his arms and tenderly kissed her, his hands running through her long, dark hair, feeling its silky softness between his fingers. Her hands gently ran up and down his back. He let out a contended sigh against their kiss at her touch. As they stood embraced in each other's arms, their kiss became more urgent, more intense. Nathaniel broke the kiss and stared into Alexa's blue eyes.

"I love you," he told her. "You are my life."

Alexa smiled gently at him. "I love you, too. I came alive again with you."

Nathaniel saw the love in Alexa's eyes when she gazed at him and never had he seen such a beautiful image before. He kissed her again, then whispered in her ear, "I want you."

"I am yours," she responded.

Nathaniel passionately kissed her and they began to shrug out of their clothing, each helping the other with buttons and hooks, allowing the cloth to fall to the floor. They stood there, naked in each other's embrace, enjoying the feeling of their bodies pressed against each other; the emotion and energy between them. Nathaniel caressed Alexa's skin and delighted in its softness. Despite her role as a soldier and Commander, she always managed to remain feminine; a strong beauty forged through fire and blood; his strong beauty.

At that thought Nathaniel swung Alexa into his arms and carried her to the bed, tossing her onto it. He then joined her and kissed her, pressing her back into the pillows, wanting to take her then and there. But he restrained himself and just kissed and caressed her; exploring her body that was still a delightful mystery to him. When he elicited a contented sigh or a moan of pleasure from her, he knew he had come upon the right spot. He moved to lay beside her, keeping Alexa on her back and lightly stroked her delicate flesh beginning with the tips of her fingers and working his way to the palm of her hand then her wrists and forearm to her upper arm and shoulder, her neck and behind her ear. He just watched as her body began to color from the arousal his touch was causing within her; how her breathing became more rapid; her nipples taut; all from his touch alone.

Alexa lay there, enjoying Nathaniel's caress which was as soft and light as a feather against her skin. His touch made her so aroused, so aware of him next to her; of the needs her body had that only he could fulfill. His hands caressed her collarbone and moved down her chest, lightly touching her breasts and nipples; barely grazing them but causing her to moan loudly at his soft touch. His hands continued to explore her, caressing her tummy, her waist, her hips, her outer thigh and moving to her inner thigh, parting her legs ever so slightly as his hands caressed her legs. She then felt his fingers slip between her legs, caressing, probing, exploring her softness. She let out a moan of pleasure at his touch, arching her back slightly at his movement.

Nathaniel gazed at Alexa in wonder as he watched the pleasure wash across her face and body. Usually he was wrapped up in his own desires and try as he might to concentrate on watching her, his own body distracted him. But now he could watch and see how Alexa's body responded to his touch; how he could arouse her and cause pleasure within her. It was thrilling and fascinating and arousing for him. She turned her head slightly and opened her eyes. He saw the love and desire she had for him. Nathaniel leaned down to kiss her. She moaned softly against his kiss. He wanted to make love to her and positioned himself so he could do so. They made love until the wee hours of the morning when, fulfilled and exhausted, they fell asleep.

It was nearly nine in the morning when Nathaniel and Alexa awoke. Today they would meet with their fellow Wardens and determine the next and hopefully final steps in ridding the Arling of the darkspawn threat. One of the issues they needed to solve was how to find The Architect and The Mother. Both were a danger to not only Amaranthine but Ferelden itself. They had no idea where to begin looking but perhaps capturing several of the intelligent darkspawn could help them find their lairs.

Once dressed, Nathaniel silently opened Alexa's chamber door and cautiously peered out. He saw no one in the hallway. She approached him and he kissed her, then walked into the hall. He had taken several steps before being confronted by Anders and Oghren; both with smirks on their faces.

"I see you didn't stay in the barracks last night," Anders commented.

"Are you sure about that?" Nathaniel asked. "I may have gotten up early to do some sparring."

"Sparring? Is that what yer callin' it?" Oghren remarked with a chuckle.

"Wouldn't have been sparring with the Commander now, would you Nathaniel?" Anders asked slyly.

Before Nathaniel could respond, Alexa joined the group.

"Gentleman, I believe we have more productive ways to spend our time than on idle gossip; such as finding the darkspawn lairs and eradicating the threat."

"Yes, Commander," they replied in unison as Velanna, Justice and Sigrun joined the group.

"The let us get to it," Alexa said and walked towards the main hall with her companions in tow.

When they arrived, Varel was there to greet them with one of the city guards from Amaranthine.

"Commander," Varel began, but was interrupted by the guard.

"Commander, you must come with me to Amaranthine. It's terrible; darkspawn everywhere. We think they are using the tunnels that the smugglers used to penetrate the city. We're overwhelmed. You must help us." The man sounded desperate.

Alexa looked to her companions. "Then we must go to Amaranthine immediately. Do I have any volunteers?" Everyone stepped forward. Alexa smiled. "To our horses then and perhaps this is the beginning of the end for the darkspawn."

Alexa led her group to the stables. They saddled the horses and then left through the main gates of The Vigil to ride towards Amaranthine.

Alexa and her group pushed the horses to arrive quickly at the gates of the city. They were greeted by the City Guard and their Captain.

"Commander, thank the Maker! The city is overrun with darkspawn. We were able to get most of the citizens to The Chantry, but we don't have much time. Very soon the city will be tainted and all will become ill."

"We will need to have some strategy to deal with them. I think you should stay here and my companions will..." Alexa began. She was interrupted by a shout from one of the guards.

"Commander! Over there! Darkspawn approaching!" he exclaimed, pointing towards a large, lumbering creature.

All eyes turned towards the darkspawn approaching them. A few guards and companions pulled their swords. Alexa noticed the creature carried a white handkerchief and motioned for them to stand down. They waited for the darkspawn to approach.

"Commander," the creature began, out of breath. "You must return to Vigil's Keep."

Alexa frowned. "Who are you and why must I return?"

"I am The Messenger. I was sent by The Architect to warn you. The Mother is preparing to attack your fortress. It is a distraction but she intends to destroy Vigil's Keep. You cannot let that happen."

"Should we trust him?" Anders asked.

"From what I gather The Architect wants The Mother destroyed as much as we do," Alexa replied

"For his own purposes no doubt," Oghren sneered.

"Still..." Alexa began. Everyone stared at her and saw she was contemplating the creature's words.

"But we have a crisis here. You can't abandon Amaranthine, Commander," the Captain of the Guards said.

"Commander, if what he says is true, you cannot abandon Vigil's Keep," Anders replied.

"And you cannot let Amaranthine fall," Nathaniel countered.

Alexa was deep in thought. She knew the choice she made now would have grave consequences. How was she going to be able to save both? She turned to Nathaniel, determination in her eyes. Her decision had been made.

"Ride back to The Vigil and take Oghren and Velanna with you. Warn Varel. You are the Commander in my stead. You know Vigil's Keep better than anyone. We have been able to fortify it, but your home field advantage should help us greatly. Do everything within your power to not let The Vigil fall. The rest of us will stay here and defend Amaranthine. Once we have secured the city, we shall join you."

Nathaniel stared at Alexa, his face unreadable. She thought he was going to argue with her, but instead he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply, passionately, not caring who looked on. She returned his kiss with equal passion.

"I love you, Alexa," Nathaniel told her once they broke the kiss.

"I love you too, Nathaniel," she breathed. "Stay safe."

He smiled at her. "You, too...Commander."

Nathaniel strode to his horse with Oghren and Velanna in tow. They mounted their horses. Nathaniel gazed at her with love and longing in his eyes. He smiled a dazzling white smile and rode off with the others following.

Alexa stared after him and once they were out of sight, she turned to the rest of her companions to devise a plan to save Amaranthine.

The easiest and quickest plan was just for Alexa and her companions to enter the city and begin to slaughter and burn all darkspawn. The people of the city were holed-up in The Chantry and it was vital to keep the darkspawn away from there as they battled. What was remaining of the city guard was inside Amaranthine fighting the darkspawn, but they were becoming fewer and fewer by the minute. Alexa and her companions were about to enter the city when The Messenger approached her.

"I have been instructed to assist you, Commander. I would like to fight at your side, if you will allow me."

Alexa stared at him. They could use every able body. "Very well," she responded. She saw Anders and Sigrun about to protest, but the hard look on her face squelched their words before they uttered them. Alexa then turned and ordered her companions into the city. They would not leave until every last darkspawn was dead.

The battle lasted hours. As soon as Alexa and her companions defeated a group of darkspawn, more would take their place. The fight seemed as if it would not end. By nightfall, they had destroyed nearly every darkspawn, but there was one group remaining which had taken refuge in Smuggler's Cove. They were re-grouping. Alexa thought it wise for her to do the same. They sought protection inside The Chantry and granted themselves a few moments rest, some food and some water.

Alexa had taken a place by herself within an alcove. She was tired. She rested her head against the stone wall and closed her eyes. Thoughts of Nathaniel and Vigil's Keep ran through her mind. She could not wait to finish her business here and then return to him. She had a gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach, but felt confident that Nathaniel, Varel and the other soldiers there would be victorious. And that the walls of The Vigil would stand.

She felt a presence in front of her and opened her eyes recognizing the mages robe of Anders. She smiled and looked up. He smiled down at her.

"May I join you?" he asked.

Alexa nodded and moved over so Anders could sit beside her. The alcove barely fit the two of them.

"How are you doing?" he asked her.

"Well, I think, given the circumstances."

There was a long pause. "He will be fine, you know," Anders reassured her.

Alexa smiled. "I suppose there's no need to hide our relationship any longer."

"Not after that public display of affection, no," he grinned. "But to tell a secret, we all ready had our suspicions," he confessed winking at her.

Alexa laughed. It felt good to laugh. "I have always been bad at hiding my emotions."

"The same cannot be said for Nathaniel. He hides his emotions behind his brooding demeanor. Although, he did let his guard down when you were near."

"I like his brooding demeanor," Alexa smiled.

"One final battle here and then we will join Nathaniel and the others at Vigil's Keep," Anders told her.

"Just who is the Commander here?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye and an amused expression on her face.

Anders laughed. "You Commander, always you."

"Thank you, Anders. You are a good friend." She placed her hand in his, entwining her fingers with his and squeezed.

"I am here for you, Alexa, in whatever capacity you need." He smiled at her and squeezed her hand back.

There was a long pause as they sat there, holding each other's hand. She stared at him and saw his faint resemblance to Alistair. She smiled sadly then gave his hand a final squeeze.

"Come, we have a battle to wage," she said, her voice authoritative.

"Yes Commander," Anders smiled and rose, then offered Alexa his hand to help her to her feet. They both then went searching for their remaining companions for this final fight to save Amaranthine.

Alexa determined that a surprise attack against the remaining darkspawn was their best option. They would enter Smuggler's Cove through the secret passageway from The Crown and Lion Inn. Once there, they would fight all remaining darkspawn and do one final sweep of the city to make sure it was clear.

As Alexa and her companions left The Chantry and made their way to the Inn, they ran into darkspawn scouts. The fight was quick and they entered the Inn where another group of darkspawn lay in wait. This fight took a bit longer, but they were victorious. They found the secret passage and went down into Smuggler's Cove.

Alexa and her companions had the element of surprise on their side and rapidly engaged the ambushed darkspawn into battle. They wiped out those in hiding but saw a few had escaped to the surface. They followed and were met by one last group of darkspawn and an armored ogre. Alexa and Sigrun engaged the creature directly while Anders cast spells at it from a safe distance. After what seemed an eternity, the ogre went down and was quickly followed by any remaining enemy. Alexa and her companions made one final sweep of the city to confirm all had been destroyed before declaring victory against the darkspawn. They approached the Captain of the Guards and his remaining men.

"Thank you Commander. You have saved the city," the Captain said.

"It was the right thing to do," Alexa remarked. "But we need to return to The Vigil immediately." There was a slight tone of worry in her voice.

"Of course, Commander. Safe travels and may the Maker watch over you," the Captain replied. Alexa shook his hand and then began to leave for Vigil's Keep. She was stopped by The Messenger.

"Commander, you cannot return to Vigil's Keep. It is vital that you go to the lair of The Mother and destroy her now while her armies are engaged in battle elsewhere."

"Elsewhere? You mean at The Vigil."

"Yes."

"I have a duty," she began.

"Yes; to eradicate the darkspawn threat against Ferelden and that is The Mother," The Messenger told her.

"The Mother is not the only threat," Alexa replied, her meaning not lost on the creature. He gave her a faint smile.

"One enemy at a time, Commander. You would do well to let Vigil's Keep fend for itself and go after The Mother."

"Even if that is the course I choose, I do not know where she is."

"I do."

Alexa stared at the creature, torn between duty and love.

"Commander, as much as I hate to say it, I agree with him. We must use this time to our advantage and destroy her. The Vigil will be fine," Anders said. He then leaned in close so only she could hear. "He will be fine," he whispered reassuringly.

Alexa gazed at Anders. He saw uneasiness, uncertainty and, yes, fear in her eyes. Then the curtain came down on her emotions and was replaced with cold determination. She had made her decision and, as always, duty won. Alexa turned to The Messenger.

"Where is she?" Her voice was steely and low.

"You must travel to Drake's Fall in the Dragonbone Wastes. She has a nest there. Fight your way to her and destroy her."

"And The Architect?"

The Messenger smiled. "I think you will encounter him soon enough, Commander."

She smiled bitterly, "I am sure. Captain," she turned towards him, "take this creature into custody and execute him." Her gaze returned to The Messenger. "Nothing personal."

The creature smiled at her. "I would expect nothing less from the Commander of the Grey."

She stared at him and felt torn between duty and honor. As always, duty won out.

"Captain, I need supplies and then we will journey to the Dragonbone Wastes. It is time to finish this."

Alexa and her companions gathered the supplies they needed, then retrieved fresh horses for their journey. They would end this darkspawn threat once and for all.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The journey to the Dragonbone Wastes took longer than Alexa wanted. Every day they traveled was another day away from Vigil's Keep. She was finding it hard to concentrate since her mind was occupied with thoughts about The Vigil and Nathaniel. Her remaining companions tried to distract her, but even they were not their usual boisterous selves. Alexa realized the key piece missing from their conversation was Oghren. Without his insults and banter, both Sigrun's and Ander's conversations were flat. None of them had any idea until now what an integral part Oghren was to their party. They all missed the loud and obnoxious dwarf.

After a week's journey, the Dragonbone Wastes came into sight.

"Finally," Alexa muttered to no one in particular. "Be prepared for all manner of darkspawn and any other creatures," she told her companions.

"Even dragons?" Anders asked.

"That would make sense," Alexa replied, "given the name of the place."

"But it could just be a name. It might not be a literal translation," Anders said hopefully. Suddenly they all heard the call of a dragon flying overhead and were lost for a moment in its shadow.

"You were saying?" Alexa smirked.

"Literal translation it is," Anders replied.

"Everyone be careful, but I want to finish this as quickly as possible."

Her companions nodded and unsheathed their weapons. They were ready for the final battle.

The path to the entrance of Drake's Fall through the Dragonbone Wastes was very obvious. It was also obvious that cocoons containing The Children, The Mother's army, had been deposited along the path. As soon as any one of them came near, the pods burst open and those odd darkspawn came forth. Alexa, Justice, Sigrun and Anders fought their way to the entrance, killing any and all creatures in their way. It didn't take long and the entrance to Drake's Fall lay ahead unguarded. That fact alone made the hair on the back of Alexa's neck bristle. This had been too easy.

"Watch out," she told her companions. "This can't be over yet."

Just as they began to cross an empty expanse towards the door, they heard the roar of a high dragon. Looking around they saw packs of dragonlings running from hidden caves towards them. Alexa and her companions prepared for a long fight with these dragons.

The packs of dragonlings kept coming, no matter how many they killed. This was complicated by the high dragon that kept swooping down, knocking them to the ground with its wings or nipping at them with its beak. They needed to split into groups of two with Alexa and Anders attacking the high dragon and Sigrun and Justice killing the dragonlings.

Alexa had one fleeting thought when she saw the high dragon...swooping is bad. She smiled. Alistair was right on that point.

Sigrun and Justice finally defeated their enemy and now they could help Alexa and Anders take down the high dragon. Their help didn't come a moment too soon as Alexa was taking quite a beating from the creature. It had nipped and clawed and bit so that she was wounded and bleeding on her arms and hands. But with the four of them working together, the high dragon was finally killed. They were all panting and breathing heavy, trying to regain their strength.

"Let's get inside," Alexa suggested.

"We may have something to fight right beyond that doorway," Anders said.

"We may but I don't want to stay out here and be so vulnerable."

Anders nodded. Alexa opened the door to Drake's Fall and they entered the place, the door closing with a finality behind them.

Fortunately, there was nothing waiting to surprise them on the other side of the door. They all rested by sitting on the floor with their backs against the wall. Anders recovered well enough to heal everyone and then they waited until his mana was fully recovered. It would be foolish to go ahead without a fully rested mage.

"Is everyone ready?" Alexa asked as she rose from the floor.

"Yes," they all responded, nodding.

"It looks like we must head down," Alexa observed. "Be ready for anything," she advised.

As they began their descent, they were attacked by more Children and other conventional darkspawn. There weren't too many and Alexa and her companions easily defeated them. They walked down a few flight of stairs and then came to a landing with a bridge before them. Alexa had them pause here for a few moments to catch their collective breaths.

"Greetings, Warden-Commander," a soft, raspy voice spoke.

Alexa looked around and saw The Architect with his female dwarf companion on a landing above. Seranni was not with them.

"You," she replied with a bit of venom in her voice. "Why am I not surprised."

The Architect gave her something of a grin before speaking. "I wanted to apologize for my treatment of you in the Silverite Mines, but obtaining Grey Warden blood...your blood...was necessary."

"Yes, so I read."

"Ahhhh, you have my journals."

"I had your journals. I have them no longer."

"Did you destroy them?" The Architect asked with some surprise.

"They are in a safe place," she responded.

"Weisshaupt no doubt," he remarked. "That may be where they belong. Once the Grey Wardens understand what I am trying to do."

"What is he trying to do?" Anders asked Alexa. Before she could respond, The Architect answered.

"Stop The Blights."

"How?" Anders questioned.

"By introducing Grey Warden blood into the darkspawn and stopping The Calling; the compulsion to respond to the song of the Old Gods and release them thus beginning a Blight."

"And how'd that experiment go?" Alexa asked flippantly, knowing the answer since The Architect had recorded everything in his journals.

"It gave rise to The Fifth Blight," he confessed, "but that doesn't mean I am wrong. You Grey Wardens are not enticed by the song."

"Not for thirty years anyway," Alexa muttered under her breath. "But giving darkspawn Grey Warden blood does something else, doesn't it?" she pressed him.

The Architect gave her that odd smile of his. "You have seen what it does, Commander."

"What does it do?" Sigrun asked.

"It creates the sapient darkspawn," Alexa responded. "Part darkspawn, part human; elven, dwarf...whatever race the Grey Warden is."

"A new species?" Justice asked.

Alexa nodded.

"Come now, Commander. You make it sound as if that's a bad thing," The Architect said.

"It is," she replied firmly.

"I have not come here to argue the merits of my experiments," The Architect continued, changing the subject. "I am asking that you join with me to kill The Mother."

"Why can't you do it alone?" Alexa asked.

"Her magical wards and her army, The Children, forbid me from getting too close to her. But you should have no trouble."

"Then what happens to you once she is destroyed?"

"I continue with my experiments until I am successful."

"You live on?"

"Of course."

Alexa stared at him. Her companions began talking into her ear.

"Surely you aren't considering helping him?" Anders asked.

"You cannot side with that creature," Justice stated vehemently.

"Commander, you'd be crazier than I thought if you agree to this," Sigrun said.

Alexa took a deep breath and gazed at The Architect. In a loud and clear voice, she responded, "I cannot let that happen. I am a Grey Warden and my duty is to eradicate all darkspawn...including you."

Her companions smiled at her response, then formed a semi-circle around her, waiting for The Architect to make his move.

The creature just stared down at her, his face impassive. He finally let out a sigh. "Not completely unexpected. Pity." He then began casting.

Anders saw The Architect's actions and began to cast a spell of his own. It would be interesting to see who could get their spell off first. In the meantime, The Architect's dwarven companion charged at Alexa and her group.

With three against one, it was easy to take down the tainted dwarf. Now it was a wait-and-see game regarding the spell casters.

Anders spell went off first as it was only a lightening spell intended to throw The Architect off and interrupt his spell casting. It worked. Justice and Sigrun began to charge up the staircase towards him, but he teleported to where Alexa was standing. Her sword was at the ready and she began her assault. Justice and Sigrun returned to her and Anders backed off so he had enough room to cast.

The Architect was powerful and knocked Alexa and her companions around like they were rag dolls. They were able to land several blows that hurt him, but it took all of their combined skill to finally destroy the creature.

Exhausted, Alexa and her companions slumped to the floor. They were so tired, but they still had one final battle against The Mother; then and only then could they truly rest.

"What if he was right and he could stop any future Blight?" Anders asked.

Alexa gazed at him. "It wasn't worth the risk. This last Blight happened because of him. There are only two archdemons left. The next Blight may happen tomorrow or it may happen hundreds of years from now. If the Blights were stopped his way, it doesn't destroy the darkspawn and who knows what else might motivate them. We really don't know much about them and I suspect The Architect didn't know much about them or himself either. I would rather battle the devil I know than the devil I don't. Besides," Alexa smiled, "we will most likely be dead before the next Blight occurs."

"But what if it's the next Blight that destroys Thedas?" Sigrun mused.

"I think it more likely that Thedas would be destroyed by the Qunari than a Blight," Alexa responded. "There will always be Grey Wardens to battle a Blight and as we have all seen, it only takes three Grey Wardens to end a Blight," she said smiling. "I'll take those odds any day."

"So," she continued, "everyone rested? Ready for the final assault?" she asked, rising from the floor.

Anders rose to his feet. "Yes, Commander."

Justice followed, "At your service, Commander."

Sigrun joined them. "Ready, Commander."

"Let us end the remnants of this last Blight once and for all," Alexa said with determination and she led them over the bridge and to lair of The Mother.

Crossing the bridge wasn't easy as they were put upon by a multitude of darkspawn creatures including more of The Children. However, they fought their way through the enemy and stood at the opposite end of the bridge. Looking down, Alexa saw the path descend into a hole in the ground, a dark black hole with no light escaping it. The drop down could be fatal. She gazed at her companions and began to walk into the unknown.

The path seemed to go down forever. Anders cast a blue light for them to see by as they made their way down into the dark depths. The path finally leveled out and they were deposited into a large, dimly lit cavern. They could see something wiggling and squirming at the opposite end. As they approached, the creature screamed and squealed.

"If it isn't the hero of the hour! The slayer of the mighty Father, come to claim a reward! Oh, what a delicious day!"

"Ick! What IS that?" Anders asked.

"A broodmother," Alexa responds, as realization hits. "Of course it's a broodmother," she says, scolding herself for not knowing this truth before.

"Like those broodmothers we killed before?" Sigrun questioned.

"Yes, but this one is nastier."

"She certainly smells as bad as the others," the dwarf replied.

Alexa had to smile. Leave it to Sigrun to provide some much needed levity.

"The only reward I have come to claim is your death!" Alexa shouted at the creature.

"Oh Warden-Commander, that is something I must deny. Attack my Children! Protect your Mother!"

On cue the sacs scattered all around the cavern begin to burst open and The Children oozed out ready to defend The Mother with full force.

"Here we go! For Ferelden! For the Grey Wardens!" Alexa shouted and charged at the oncoming darkspawn with her companions right behind her.

Alexa did not want to delay this battle any longer. She wanted to end the darkspawn attacks in Amaranthine and return quickly to Vigil's Keep. This drive compelled her to ignore The Children and launch a full frontal assault on The Mother. Anders saw what she was doing and positioned himself to help her. Justice and Sigrun worked to keep The Children from swarming and overwhelming Alexa.

Alexa's head-on attack surprised The Mother at first and she was able to land several good blows to the creature's body before The Mother began fighting back. The Mother flailed and screamed at Alexa, trying to stun her and throw her to the ground, but Alexa would have none of it. By sheer will and determination she remained upright and continued to slash at the creature. Anders was able to cast Cone of Cold and keep Alexa healed while she battled the broodmother. Sigrun and Justice had slain enough of The Children to join Alexa and together they made short work of The Mother, destroying her rather easily. With The Mother dead any remaining Children began to scatter. Anders cast fireball and was able to burn most of them before they got away.

Alexa was energized by the battle and the knowledge that they had defeated the darkspawn threat. They could now return to Vigil's Keep and see how it fared against The Mother's onslaught. Alexa turned on her heels and nearly ran from Drake's Fall and through the Dragonbone Wastes to the waiting horses. She needed to return to The Vigil...to him...and make sure everyone was safe.

The journey back to Vigil's Keep was agonizing slow. Alexa pushed the horses as much as she dared, but it still wasn't quick enough. But as they made their return journey, they were able to confirm that any remaining darkspawn were returning underground. The darkspawn threat was truly over. Fereldans should be pleased.

Alexa and her companions finally reached Vigil's Keep and were shocked at the devastation. Although the upgrades were made, the assault on The Vigil was too much and sections of the walls had collapsed. Alexa galloped into the courtyard and there were shouts from the remaining soldiers and Grey Wardens at her approach. She reined in her horse and jumped out of the saddle. Varel strode out of The Vigil to greet her.

"Commander!" he shouted.

"Varel! Thank the Maker you're alive," Alexa stated, quite relieved to see him.

"I can say the same for you, Commander."

"We have destroyed the darkspawn threat. Both The Architect and The Mother are dead. The Arling and Ferelden should be returning to normal. What's happened? Where is everyone?"

"Come inside," Varel begins.

"No. Tell me now." Her voice and face stern.

"Very well. The upgrades you made to The Vigil worked, Commander. We were able to withstand a constant barrage and siege for a week."

"A week?"

"Yes, but as you can see the siege began to take its toll and we did suffer damage and loss."

Alexa went pale at Varel's words. And as Nathaniel, Oghren nor Velanna had come to greet her, she felt a coldness in the pit of her stomach. By now, Anders, Justice and Sigrun had joined her.

"Continue Varel," she commanded.

"We lost some good men but not as many as we should have, thanks to your preparations. Oghren was able to take down two ogres alone. His actions saved dozens of men. He still lives Commander and is resting in his room in The Vigil."

At this news, some color returned to Alexa's face. Varel continued.

"Velanna has just disappeared. She was here fighting with us and then once the battle was finished, she was nowhere to be found. Not a trace of her."

That news didn't seem to surprise Alexa, but she stood there waiting for word on her final companion, the one she cared for the most, the one she loved.

Varel shuffled his feet. "Are you sure you don't want to come inside and sit down, Commander?" he asked quietly.

All of the blood drained from Alexa's face at Varel's suggestion. "Where is he?" she said, her voice barely audible.

Varel dropped his eyes to the ground and Alexa knew...it had happened again.

"He was on top of the wall, commanding, leading, directing the men. He stayed there while arrows and projectiles rained around him. He never left his post and on the final day of the siege...several flaming boulders hit the wall beneath him. It gave way and he fell...the wall caving in on him. We're still digging, trying to find his body" Varel said, but he nodded to a solider who brought something to him, "but we found this." The soldier handed Varel Nathaniel's bow, shattered into several pieces.

She stared at the broken weapon. Everything around her became distant and fuzzy. All she could see was his shattered bow. Alexa closed her eyes. The enormity of what had happened to Nathaniel was too much to bear. She collapsed to her knees in the courtyard and hung her head. For a few moments, she was silent. Suddenly she let out a wail, the most heart-wrenching cry anyone had ever heard. She leaned her head back and screamed. The pain and sorrow that was reflected in her cry; it was gut-wrenching to those in the courtyard. All activity ceased as Alexa's grief overwhelmed her. Her wails echoed through the courtyard and reverberated against the stone. Seeing her suffering brought tears to many eyes. No one knew what to do to comfort her. Finally Anders fell to his knees in front of her and took her in his arms, holding her. At first, she didn't respond. Her hands remained at her sides and she continued to scream her grief. He began to rock her gently. After several agonizing minutes, Alexa embraced Anders.

"Maker, not again," she whispered against him. "I can't...I can't..." she sobbed.

Anders said nothing. What was there to say?

"Let's get you inside," he finally whispered to her.

All Alexa could do was nod slowly. She was destroyed; broken; shattered; just like Nathaniel's bow. The courtyard was eerily quiet as Alexa was led into Vigil's Keep and taken to her room. She was dazed and let the others direct her movements. Anders sat her on the bed and helped her out of her armor. She needed a bath as she was covered in dirt from the road, but she didn't care. She would never care for anything ever again.

Anders took over Alexa's care. He ordered hot water to fill her bath and then removed the linen chemise from her body. Alexa did not protest and did not even blush at her nakedness in front of the mage. Anders led her to the bath and gently guided her into it. She just sat there in complete shock.

"Alexa," Anders said softly, "you should bathe. It will do you good."

At the sound of his voice, Alexa turned her face to his. Her eyes were empty and the look frightened him.

"What's the point?" she said her voice devoid of all emotion. To that Anders had no reply. Everything he could think of saying would sound trite.

"It would please me if you did," he said softly.

She blinked at him, but said nothing her eyes still empty. She then sighed and began to absently wash herself. Anders was a little relieved. It was something. He helped her wash her hair, but her actions were rote. Once she had bathed, Anders helped her out and dried her, then placed her in bed. She moved as if in a dream and allowed Anders to guide her.

"You should get some rest," he told her. Her eyes turned to his and he cursed himself at his choice of words. "Sleep," he corrected himself. "Get some sleep."

"Sleep," she repeated. She just lay there with Anders sitting by her bedside. After a few hours, her body was overcome with everything and she finally fell asleep.

The Archdemon lay wounded; one final blow and The Blight would end. He grabbed her in his arms and kissed her.

"I love you. Always."

Alexa looked into his face; it was Alistair; no wait, it was Nathaniel. The man with two faces left her side; killed the Archdemon then a wall collapsed on him. She screamed as she saw him...them...him...die.

She was being shaken; her name being called.

"Alexa! Alexa, wake up. You're dreaming. Alexa!"

She opened her eyes to see a very worried Anders gazing down on her. "Anders," she croaked.

He sat back as she came awake. "You gave me a fright, Alexa. Your screams were...terrible." Anders shivered at the thought of them, the pain he heard in her voice.

Alexa looked around and saw she was in her chamber at Vigil's Keep. "It wasn't a dream," she whispered. "He's really gone, isn't he?" she asked softly, turning to gaze at Anders.

Anders dropped his eyes. "Yes," he replied quietly.

She sat up and rubbed her hands across her face. "This is unbearable," she whispered. "I thought I was saving him. I thought this time I'll send him away from me; away from certain doom; behind the safe walls of Vigil's Keep. What a joke." She closed her eyes. "Have they found..." she couldn't continue.

"No, not yet," Anders replied.

She sat there, her eyes closed, her head leaning against the headboard. She couldn't do it; not again. She couldn't bury another man she loved. Silent tears fell down her cheeks. Her guilt was overwhelming. There truly was nothing to live for now. She opened her eyes and looked at Anders, who still had his head bowed. She cared for him; cared for them all. To protect them, she had to leave. Immediately. She had to finish what she started...in the Deep Roads. There was no other choice.

With a very heavy heart and much determination, Alexa rose from bed, startling Anders.

"What are you doing?" he asked, surprised.

"Leaving. I need to leave. I have some things to do first and then..." she paused. She looked over at her Warden-Commander armor. She couldn't wear it. She looked through her belongings and found her old drakeskin armor. It would do. Alexa dressed, not caring that Anders was still sitting there, dazed at her actions.

"Alexa, you are in no condition," Anders began.

"I know exactly what I am doing. It was what I should have done months ago. If I had then maybe he'd," she couldn't complete the thought.

Alexa dressed quickly taking only her sword and shield, then striding quickly out of her room. As she passed by Anders, he grabbed her arm stopping her movement.

"Alexa, what are you planning to do?"

She saw the confusion in his eyes and a bit of fear. She needed to try and comfort him; to say good-bye.

"Anders," she said softly, "you have been a good friend. You are a wonderful man, a talented mage and a remarkable Grey Warden. Continue to be the loving, caring, wise-cracking man I know. Use your talents for good; bring justice to those who lack it; be the voice and the hero for those oppressed. Save as many as you can and always be true to yourself. It has been my privilege and honor to know you."

Anders looked at her, confused. "Is this...are you not returning?"

"No."

"Then this is...good-bye."

"Yes."

"Alexa," he began with great emotion. "I don't know..."

Alexa smiled at him. "You don't need to say anything, Anders. I know. Take care of yourself." She turned to leave. He couldn't let her go; not like this.

"Alexa, wait." She paused and turned towards him. He moved to stand in front of her and knowing her fragile emotions but also knowing he would never see her again, he bent down and kissed her gently. Knowing it was their last meeting, she allowed it although there was no passion in it for her.

"Good-bye," she said when they parted.

Anders could say nothing but watched her leave. He hung his head and for the first time since he was a small boy, wept.

Alexa found Oghren in the barracks, still recovering. She went to sit by his bedside. He was bruised and battered from the fight. When he saw her, he smiled.

"Commander," he greeted her.

"Oghren, how are you doing?"

"Oh you know it will take more than an ogre to bring me down. Just give me a cask of ale and I'll be fine."

Alexa smiled at him. "Yes, you will. And knowing that you will be fine is why I can leave and finish other tasks."

"When you come back, I can tell you the tale over several pints."

"I'm not coming back, Oghren. I came to say good-bye."

"Yer tryin' to kid me. You can't give this up."

"I am."

"What about Nathaniel? The Grey Wardens?"

"The Grey Wardens will survive without me. Nathaniel," her voice cracked and her face twisted in pain, "he's dead, Oghren. He was killed during the siege," she told him quietly, her tears beginning to fall again.

Oghren reached out his hand to hers, grasping it. "Oh, Alexa, I am...sorry," the dwarf began, all swagger and bravado gone. If anyone knew what she was going through right now, it was him. He had seen it before.

She squeezed his hand. "I'm going to the Deep Roads, Oghren. I shan't be returning."

He knew what she meant and as much as he wanted to stop her, he knew he couldn't. "It's been a pleasure and an honor serving with you, Commander," he said solemnly.

"My sentiments, exactly. Return to Felsi and your daughter, Oghren. Enjoy your life. She's a good woman."

"I know."

"Take care," Alexa said. She leaned in a kissed Oghren on the cheek. "Good-bye."

"Good-bye, Alexa," he said quietly. He watched her rise and leave, never feeling as horrible as he did at this moment that not even the thought of ale made him happy. He stared out the door where she had left and suddenly wished Felsi was at his side. As soon as he recovered, he would go to her and see if she would take him back. Felsi was a good woman.

Alexa said her good-byes to Varel and the others. Varel attempted to stop her, but she told him no. She would return to Denerim to give her final report to Queen Anora, then travel to Highever to see her brother and then Orzammar. She had unfinished business there. Varel could only nod as he walked with her to the stables. She saddled and mounted her horse and then was gone; heading for Denerim for her final act as Grey Warden Commander.

The journey to Denerim wasn't long and she went immediately to Court. Without a formal appointment, she burst in on Queen Anora and Eamon Guerrin and several other courtesans. At her entrance, she saw Anora's anger but didn't care. Anora ordered everyone away as she faced Alexa. Eamon refused to leave and stayed while the meeting took place.

"I hope you have a good reason for barging in here without an appointment," Anora began.

"I have come to report that the remnants of The Blight have been dealt with. Any remaining darkspawn are back underground where they belong."

"You could have just sent a report," Anora began.

"I resign as Warden Commander of Ferelden," she said, interrupting her.

"Resign?"

"Yes. You will need to find yourself another hero."

"But you will be available when I call?"

"No."

"No?"

"Was that word too big for you to understand? No, Anora, I am no longer serving you or Ferelden. I am done."

"You can't be done," she began sputtering.

"I am. Our business is finished. I take my leave." Alexa spun around without bowing and strode out of the Throne Room with Anora trying to call her back. She heard footsteps running towards her and by the heaviness of them knew it was Eamon who followed her. She walked out of the room and went several paces down the hallway before stopping to wait for Eamon.

"Alexa!" he called out to her. "What are you doing?"

"What I should have done long before your summons reached me, Eamon."

"Wait, you're not..." Eamon began, a cold fear growing in the pit of his stomach.

"I came to resign, but I also came to say good-bye."

"Good-bye? Alexa! Ferelden needs you."

"Ferelden shall be fine. What happened with The Blight and now with Vigil's Keep, I can't...I don't wish...it is finished," she finally said.

"You're heading back to The Deep Roads," Eamon said softly. Alexa nodded. "Is there anything I can say or do to change your mind?"

She shook her head. "Give my love to Isolde, Connor and Teagan. And take care of yourself Eamon. You have always been a good and loyal friend."

"Alexa, I," Eamon began but for the first time in his life words failed him. He took Alexa in his arms and hugged her tightly. Alexa smiled. It reminded her of being in her father's embrace.

"I am here if you change your mind. You know you can always come to me." He released her.

"I know. Thank you Eamon, for everything."

Eamon watched her leave. There was nothing he could do to stop her and he began to feel empty. Life would not be the same without her.

Alexa swapped out horses for a fresh one. There was one more good-bye she had to say and this one would be the hardest.

When Alexa finally arrived at Castle Cousland, it was late in the evening. Her arrival was unexpected. Fergus rushed out to greet her.

"Little sister! What a wonderful surprise," Fergus exclaimed as he helped her from the saddle, then embraced his only living kin. "You must be famished. Come inside."

"I want to hear all the news Fergus. Tell me how you are doing and how the Castle and Highever are fairing." She needed this time to gather her thoughts to decide what to tell her brother about her decision.

Fergus began to tell her all the news as he escorted her to the dining hall where some food was brought to her. She ate a little and loved to listen to Fergus talk and for a moment she thought that perhaps her decision was rushed and foolish. But she thought about Alistair and Nathaniel and how all those she loved perished, no matter what she tried to do so save them. She still had a few people left whom she loved. She couldn't bear to see anything happen to them. The Deep Roads was her best option.

Fergus had finally finished updating her then asked how she was doing and how everything was at Vigil's Keep. At the thought of The Vigil and Nathaniel, Alexa began to sob. She told Fergus everything that had happened, including falling in love with Nathaniel Howe and causing his death. Fergus listened and tried to comfort his sister, as he understood her grief and her loss probably better than most. He tried to convince her to abandon her plan to travel to The Deep Roads and stay here with him. They could run Castle Cousland and Highever together. She gave the suggestion a brief thought, but then dismissed it. She could not awake every morning with this pain that was eating away at her. She could not face each and every day knowing that she killed not one but two lovers and that it was only a matter of time before other people that she loved met the same fate. She couldn't imagine a life without love anymore and there was no way she could risk ever falling in love again. The pain and the burden were just too much for her. Fergus decided it was best not to argue with her at the moment. He told her to sleep on everything and tomorrow they would talk about it further. She agreed to go to bed, but knew her mind was made-up. The Deep Roads was calling to her.

After a very restless night, Alexa awoke at dawn. She dressed and was walking into the courtyard towards the stables when Fergus came running after her.

"Alexa, stop!"

She turned to see her brother disheveled, a state he was rarely in.

"Don't do this," he began, pleading.

"I must. My mind is made up."

"You are the only family I have. Alexa, please don't leave me."

Fergus' words tugged at her heart and for a moment considered staying. But the memory of Alistair, Nathaniel and the grief in her heart was overpowering. She shook her head.

"You will be fine, Fergus. You will see that this is for the best."

"I cannot believe that."

"I do. I love you, Fergus. Take care of yourself. Mother and Father would be so proud of you."

"Alexa," his voice cracked.

She smiled and took him in her arms. He hugged her fiercely, not wanting to let her go. "You're the best brother a girl could have ever asked for."

"Little sister," he said, beginning to weep. "Don't go. Please."

"Fergus," Alexa said softly, "I must go."

He held her tighter and felt her kiss on his cheek. Knowing that she was not going to change her mind, he finally let her go. She smiled at him.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

She strode to the stables and mounted her waiting horse. Fergus could only watch her through a veil of tears and then she was gone. Now he was alone, truly alone and Fergus cried for everyone he had lost and couldn't save, especially his beautiful, bright and caring little sister.

The Deep Roads never change; there is some odd comfort in that. Alexa Cousland had re-joined The Legion of the Dead and it was almost as if she had never left. Almost. But she wasn't the same girl that had originally come down here after Alistair's death. She thought the pain and grief she had felt at his passing was unbearable; she had no idea it was only the tip of the iceberg. With Nathaniel's death weighing heavily upon her on top of Alistair's the emotions nearly crushed her. She almost found it impossible to get out of bed and function, even if all she was doing was charging further towards her own demise. The act of breathing was intolerable and it was annoying that her body carried it out involuntarily. She wanted her death to come swiftly, but they had only been in The Deep Roads for two weeks and had come across very few darkspawn. They would need to travel further past the Dead Trenches before they would meet hordes of darkspawn that would swarm her and end her life.

She sat away from the rest of the group, sharpening Maric's sword. She needed to keep her hands busy and concentrate on the repetitious actions, trying to fill her mind with mundane thoughts and not with those about Alistair and Nathaniel; thoughts that would consume her and make her curl up into a ball and weep continuously for hours. Her mourning was crushing her, but somehow she had the strength to survive each day and she cursed The Maker for it. Give me the death I deserve, she would plead. After all I have done, it is a small thing to ask.

There was a commotion among her companions as they felt someone or something approaching. Alexa looked over at them and suddenly she felt it too; a tingling within her as if darkspawn were near, but it wasn't exactly like darkspawn. It was slightly different. It was definitely a tainted creature to be sure, but not specifically a darkspawn.

She turned to look towards the entrance to their camp. In the distance she saw a figure; one that looked human, striding quickly towards them. The movements looked vaguely familiar. Alexa rose, keeping her sword unsheathed. The dark shape continued forward and she noticed it was slightly disfigured. Still the form moved towards them. She began walking towards the figure when it came past the entrance and into their camp. Her heart leapt into her throat as torchlight fell on the figure's face. It can't be; it was impossible.

Alexa sheathed her sword and began to run towards the figure. The figure saw this and began to run to her. They finally reached each other. The look of shock and surprise was evident on Alexa's face and in her voice.

"_Nathaniel?"_

"What a stubborn, pain in the ass woman you are Alexa Cousland," Nathaniel Howe said to her with a smile on his face.

She flung herself into his arms.

"Easy," he said and she noted that his left arm was in a sling.

She poured kisses all over his face. "Maker's Breath, it's you; it's really you!" she exclaimed.

"Yes, Alexa, it's me."

"But, how?" her happiness and relief turned to confusion. "I thought you..."

"Everyone did. The way the wall fell, it came crashing down upon me, but an air pocket was created and I was trapped inside it under all of that granite. I tried scraping and making noises, but they were too faint for anyone to hear and of course, my arm was broken. It was days before anyone found me and then I was unconscious. Once I finally woke, Anders told me everything and then I rushed as quickly as I could to get here, hoping you hadn't done something we would both regret."

"Oh, Nathaniel! If I had known; if I had even thought...I would never..." Alexa began.

"Well, I found you before any permanent damage was done. So do you want to continue to stay here and fight darkspawn? Or do you want to come home with me and become my wife?"

"That choice is an easy one," Alexa smiled.

Nathaniel grinned, "I had hoped so. Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

"Good. Let's get your gear and get out of here. The Deep Roads give me the creeps."

"I think I've had my fill of them for quite a while," Alexa agreed.

She gathered her gear and with Nathaniel by her side, they exited The Deep Roads and were soon basking in the Ferelden sun. They had a life together to look forward to and Alexa vowed to make every moment of it count. Her life was finally worth living again.


End file.
